Why my husband is addicted to porn and prostitutes – T’s story

I’m a  female whose husband is addicted to porn and prostitutes. Here are some observations from my situation.

My husband started using porn and prostitutes in his twenties and they were his first experiences with  sex. As a result, he expects sex to be mostly for his gratification.

He expects me to be available whenever he wishes, as the prostitutes are.

He uses sex to relieve tension, but will not masturbate, claiming it gives him a headache.

He will use the prostitutes more frequently if we are not getting along, or if he has tried to hook up on an internet dating site and been rejected.

He has a totally unrealistic expectations. He is a bald, overweight middle aged man and expects that he will hook up with a young girl at least a decade and a half younger than him without money being exchanged.

I believe he is a true addict, because there are certain situations that lead to this behavior and the more he indulges the more he wants. Also he has spent tens of thousands of dollars on his habit.

Since he prefers the websites that charge to the free ones and will spend 700 dollars an hour on an “escort”, I have to conclude that his addiction is also about money and power.

It sounds as if your husband has bought into, literally and metaphorically, the porn myth of sexual convenience.

In the world of mainstream porn, young and attractive girls are queuing up for casual encounters with anonymous men. They exist for the gratification of men, and will tolerate any form of sexual activity without feeling exploited or used. Vastly preferable to regular sex with a wife or partner, porn sex is portrayed as the masculine ideal.

Of course, most people know that this is total fiction. For the majority of guys who enjoy watching porn, this is part of the sexual escapism and fantasy. They recognise and accept the distinction between porn and real world sexuality.

But guys who compulsively absorb too much porn begin to believe. Intelligent, mature men can find themselves trying to live the ideals of porn, and even seeking their own identity through it. Prostitutes can prop up the delusion, often at high financial cost. Men fall into the trap of feeling entitled to porn world experiences, and their frustration at real life not meeting these expectations leads then to absorb more porn.

Thank you T for sharing your insightful observations. For all men in this situation, it is possible to reverse these patterns of delusion. Getting real about emotional and sexual living is an essential part of recovery.