Comments on: Help me to help my wonderful husband – HT’s story http://www.quitpornaddiction.com/real-life-stories/help-me-to-help-my-wonderful-husband-hts-story/ Support for people who struggle with pornography and their partners Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:30:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Emms http://www.quitpornaddiction.com/real-life-stories/help-me-to-help-my-wonderful-husband-hts-story/comment-page-1/#comment-509 Emms Sat, 16 Aug 2008 08:29:12 +0000 http://www.quitpornaddiction.com/?p=124#comment-509 I've been in a similar situation with my husband of 12 years. I would explode on him every so often and he'd break down with guilt. Even after admitting how bad his problem was, within days he'd be back at it again and trying to ignore what it was doing to our otherwise lovely relationship. My husband used to get angry too... really tetchy and quite horrible to live with. I thought it was me for a long time, but he was mostly angry with himself and this crappy double life he was making for himself. Me being angry with him always made things a lot worse. I recommed direct and honest communication with him, but without accusing or getting fired up if that's possible. Plan what you want to say to him and deliver it sensitively, setting a firm boundary but letting him know that you will be there for him... this is very useful http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/SettingBoundaries2.html As Jason says, he needs to get real motivation to make changes and that isn't going to happen through fighting over it... he'll just break away further from you. There needs to be real change, from little things like where he uses the computer and what time he comes to bed, to how he communicates with you. Things are a lot better for us now but it did take all this work. I’ve been in a similar situation with my husband of 12 years. I would explode on him every so often and he’d break down with guilt. Even after admitting how bad his problem was, within days he’d be back at it again and trying to ignore what it was doing to our otherwise lovely relationship.

My husband used to get angry too… really tetchy and quite horrible to live with. I thought it was me for a long time, but he was mostly angry with himself and this crappy double life he was making for himself. Me being angry with him always made things a lot worse.

I recommed direct and honest communication with him, but without accusing or getting fired up if that’s possible. Plan what you want to say to him and deliver it sensitively, setting a firm boundary but letting him know that you will be there for him… this is very useful http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/SettingBoundaries2.html

As Jason says, he needs to get real motivation to make changes and that isn’t going to happen through fighting over it… he’ll just break away further from you. There needs to be real change, from little things like where he uses the computer and what time he comes to bed, to how he communicates with you. Things are a lot better for us now but it did take all this work.

]]> By: the mother of 2 http://www.quitpornaddiction.com/real-life-stories/help-me-to-help-my-wonderful-husband-hts-story/comment-page-1/#comment-507 the mother of 2 Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:29:41 +0000 http://www.quitpornaddiction.com/?p=124#comment-507 So now it has been a few weeks since the incident. My husband went on like nothing ever happened, like he is pushing it aside and hoping it will go away. As for myself I would love to do the same but, I cannot. I don't really know what to do - I want to blow up and yell at him and make everything OK, but I know that will not work. since I came home from the hospital 4 days ago after an operation, he has been very different with me. Jim gets aggravated easy and often. I often feel like he is mad at me for having the surgery but again it was something we agreed on. We are a couple that shares everything together but this. We love to spend time together. Outside of his addiction everything is perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more. In closing I am asking how do I approach the issue without him shutting down or getting mad? So now it has been a few weeks since the incident. My husband went on like nothing ever happened, like he is pushing it aside and hoping it will go away. As for myself I would love to do the same but, I cannot.

I don’t really know what to do – I want to blow up and yell at him and make everything OK, but I know that will not work. since I came home from the hospital 4 days ago after an operation, he has been very different with me. Jim gets aggravated easy and often. I often feel like he is mad at me for having the surgery but again it was something we agreed on.

We are a couple that shares everything together but this. We love to spend time together. Outside of his addiction everything is perfect. I couldn’t ask for anything more. In closing I am asking how do I approach the issue without him shutting down or getting mad?

]]>