Comments on: Emotional games with a porn addicted partner – R’s story

By: i hear you

i hear you — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 12:36:17 +0000

about two months after having a child with my partner of 14years (and husband of 2 years), i came across a show that featured porn addiction and wondered if this was the problem with my husbands lack of sex drive. I discovered his huge collection of porn, making note of dates. I was so shocked to find that he had been collecting these porn files even on nights where I had begged him to come to bed, but he had wanted to play computer…how dumb did i feel, and then the anger, then the depression hit. Post natal, and feeling like I had been lied to for all this time …i ended up calling lifeline and I had been so close to wanting to end it all. We started counselling…but eventually he didn’t want to go anymore, things seemed to get back on track…he actually initiated sex at times…then we got pregnant again. And hey, he still has the files and he still uses them I found out recently. This time I do not want to kill myself, but he still will not admit to an addiction…rather he says he is trying…but then he blames me for why he did it in the first place…I am not really sure what to do

By: so sad

so sad — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:08:30 +0000

i hate my life. i have lived with a porn addict for 10 year now. It is destroying my very soul. I have a child and if it were not for him I would most certainly choose death over living like this. I don’t know what I did wrong to deserve the hell I call a life. I am totally stupid for letting this go on for so many years thinking maybe things would change. Why would he change, there have never been concequences, I have always stayed and hidden his dirty secret. I am now a pitiful shell of thr person I once was. I am defeated and believe totally thay he has chosen whores over his wife and child. It is so unfair. My son has to some day know what his father chose over him. I need to try and save myself from this hell or I’m quite sure it will kill me.

By: given up

given up — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 19:01:00 +0000

im not sure if my partner is this or not- i read it and think it is him, then think ive things wrong, but am i making excuses- my “partner” even gave me all his porn to get rid of- though i belive all he did was transfer much of it to a place i dont know about- this was after several years of telling me its normal to have over 50 dvds and vids, not to mentions books mags and other items… ive found messages emails addresses and even underwear, though he has told me this was his ex wifes, i dont believe him, he hasnt lived at her house since before i met him 7 yrs ago, and she hates him! last week i found a leotard thing in his wardrobe and he claimed this was hers too- he has moved house 6 times in 7 yrs why would it be there? also, i never found any womens things when we lived together, he used the excuse of our kids as to why he wasnt happy with us living togther bu ti havde always felt it was related to his sex problem- but never brave enough to say, i have many sex related issues of my own after working in the sex industry i am i suppose “damaged” by it but this experience has worsened my problems, he convinced me that im obsessed, but if its not a big deal to him like he said why would he put me through all this?
problem is i love him- at least i think i do, i dont even know any more, sometimes i think im just here because im not brave enough to be anywhere else, your blog is really insiteful, and will i hope encorage me to get through another week without picking up the phone and begging him to try again on his terms if thats what he wants

By: rj

rj — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:30:59 +0000

This story could of been written by me. The pain, the way you look differently at them. The pain eventually turns to anger, but I cant say anything because, the price is very high. The price I pay for telling him how it hurts, first he either leaves for a while or if he stays he won’t talk to me. The worst is he won’t touch me in anyway and he will sleep on the couch, because he knows I hate sleeping alone. We been together for two years today. I have no hope of this relationship going much longer. Its like the others have said, we get along in every other way. The feeling of something always being between us is getting stronger all the time. I just cant pretend anymore, that I’m not hurting. I have been searching for help on the internet for a while, this site has been very helpful. Thank-you

By: Janice

Janice — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 22:46:30 +0000

Jason,

I’ve been following your blog for some time now, as I have my own ongoing struggle with a husband addicted to porn, who I still love dearly. I want to say that your site is a constant source of support and guidance for me, especially at times when I’ve felt very low about the problem. We have a lot of recovering to do, but my husband now follows your site and bought your excellent book. I look forward to the day when we can both thank you for helping us put this problem behind us forever.

Thank you,
Jan W

By: Sovann

Sovann — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:15:54 +0000

“Half a person” is a great description. It made me think of a zombie – not really dead, not really alive, just zoning out.