Should I be concerned?
So as I've posted on here on other peoples posts, my boyfriends porn habit/addiction was at it's peak a little over a year ago. Supposedly within the rest of the year he was doing good with not viewing, but admitted to thinking about it here and there. Just recently about last month I found he was viewing photos again and then set up a camera to find proof that he was viewing porn videos again and found out he was when I reviewed the video. I confronted him and our relationship has been on a roller coaster since. Well I learned recently as well that he used the web on his phone to view photos before I caught him.
I asked him to get a new phone and plan (he uses prepaid phones and plans), and he agreed, though I had to push him cause it seemed like he was procrastinating. He went to the service provider I go to to get a prepaid phone and plan. I was happy to think I wont have to worry about him trying to use his phone anymore to view photos of other women. Well when I got home from work I checked out his new phone, it is very nice and has cool features, he is happy with it and I was starting to feel better. Well as I was looking through it my relief soon turned to concern again when I realized it was "web capable". He chose a plan that does not have internet in it, but the phone still is capable of accessing the internet fully. It would be more money each month but all he would have to do is switch the plan to include internet if he decides he really wants to and if he starts to fall back into the urges again. That's what I think anyway.
Am I wrong in being concerned about this? I mean he found a way to view yet again and lie to me yet again just recently, so how could I believe that he wouldn't find a way now and try to hide it from me? I mean being the one who was looked at in the eyes and lied to and finding out over and over again that he's still viewing it's not easy to just be like "oh okay, you have a plan without internet but your phone is web capable, but that's totally O.K.". My thoughts are if he is willing to pay a little more he can totally have internet put into the plan and there you go, internet access outside of the house, away from the girlfriend. I don't know how to think or how I'm going to ever find some kind of comfort in knowing he will not be able to slip up and view again.
These trust issues are really starting to take a toll on me. Even if he really does not view ever again, I still have to deal with not trusting him. That still hurts very much. Am I being paranoid or what? Do I have every right to be concerned about this?

Hi notsotrusting, You have
Hi notsotrusting,
You have every right to ask your boyfriend not to look at porn, especially when his habit has caused previous problems in the history of your relationship.
I see it like this... he has three options: 1) give up the porn and stay in the relationship, 2) work with you to reach an honest compromise, or 3) decide he values porn too much and you both split. All are valid options and whichever route is taken, the problem gets resolved for you both.
In the long-term, any of these results are preferable to 4) keep playing the porn addiction game: lying, hiding, promising to stop, etc. You've already experienced a lot of this, and been drawn into taking the 'porn cop' role. I'm sure you'll agree that you have better things to do with your time.
So the question is: while you are trying to support him, and dealing with all the trust issues that come with it, what action is he taking himself? Does he display real motivation to make this relationship work, or is he still playing porn addict?
It may be that you're doing all the work here, and that's never going to be enough to change him. Here's one way to tell: how's the relationship in terms of intimacy, shared time, feeling like partners? There's no need for you to answer this here, of course, but you'll know in your gut whether things are moving in the right direction, without having to resort to cameras or checking his mobile phone arrangements.
Of course, I hope the positive signs are there and all your support and patience is worth it. If not, having to constantly play porn cop is a real cause for concern.
Post new comment