No sex please, I'm addicted to porn
I'm often asked about the ironic effect that porn addiction has on basic sexual interest. It would be natural to assume that constant preoccupation with sexual images would raise sex drive through the roof. Yet addicts and their partners tend to notice a marked decline in the addict's desire for genuine sexual activity. It's as if porn addiction hijacks our instinct to enjoy the most natural, intimate act in the world.
So how does porn turn you off sex? From my own observations from working with addicted clients, reasons for this can include:
- The habit has reached the stage where physical arousal has become dependent on the visual stimulation of porn
- Private shame and regret at the habit has attached itself to any sexual activity
- Prolonged consumption of porn has raised expectations of his own sexual performance, or the performance of others, to daunting and unrealistic levels
Frequently, there can be a combination of all these factors and more.
There's often another irony in the mix: the conflict of porn urges and values. Addicts often notice a shift in their sexual desires, from the relationship with their partner to, say, anonymous sex with internet contacts or exploration of fetishes. Some will go off and explore such porn-driven interests (commonly leading to negative experiences), but many addicts remain conscious of the risks to their relationships, or the risk of a sexually transmitted disease. Despite these new, porn-driven urges, their values prevent them from acting further. This results in a frustrating cycle of porn-warped sexual ideals that are only catered for by viewing more porn. And that's not a healthy place to be.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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4 comments
Hello, YES! I think there
Hello,
YES! I think there is a stark contradiction or paradox. Using porn or having a chronic porn habit actually makes you increasingly impotent as a man. I think using porn actually disconnects us as men from our real sexual feelings, disconnects us from our anger or rage. Real sexual feelings, a genuine sense of arousal with another person can only result from interaction & a sense of intimate human chemistry. No! porn magazine or porn website can ever give us that same experience and therefore it is always going to end up feeling an unsatisfying or hollow by comparison.
**Fantasy women don't burp, or fart, or answer back, or have to get up and go to work in the morning like real women do.
**You cannot have an enriching relationship with a porn film or porn image. A real person & a real relationship is capable of love, of intimacy, of filling us up emotionally. Porn on the other hand only diminishes us, diminishes our humanity, closes our hearts, makes us feel unlovable. Makes us unhappy and sadder and emotionally crippled. This is why letting go of porn is so valuable.
Alex.
hmm strange feeling.. this
hmm strange feeling.. this irony describes my habit but i never read such a close description of it before. i get a head full of images and fantasies (some of them quite far out) and in the heat of the moment, i just want to get out there and do these things. at the same time, i know that it's not real life and the girls on the screen are just doing it for money etc. knowing this should enable me to clear my head, but i just can't get away from the stuff.
Ahh!! yes!! thats another
Ahh!! yes!! thats another irony of porn. Using porn only inflames your fantasies further and makes you dwell on them more and more, your fantasies begin to occupy a far greater proportion of your time & life. Fantasies become far far more important than ever before, we want to act out those fantasies.
**However, here's another paradoxical thing. Giving up using porn (having let go my porn habit) means that your fantasies become less important but become MORE (not less) enjoyable. My fantasies haven't actually changed at all but the amount of time they occupy in my life has. I have less & less desire to act out my inner fantasies than ever before.
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