Kids search Google for sex and porn, in case we didn't know

Hello, OK! I fully accept

Submitted by Alex on Sun, 06/09/2009 - 21:24

Hello,

OK! I fully accept that kids today still have to learn about sex & sexuality & intimate relationships from somewhere. And its completely obvious that in a wired digital world they are inevitably going to turn to the internet as a source of information. However, the problem I have with this is approach is that kids are naive and that the web is saturated with inaccurate or highly misleading or even totally dishonest information. YES! its easy for internet savvy adults to see through such misinformation but its harder for kids themselves who don't know any better & are still very impressionable.

The problem with learning about sex from porn is that it gives the wrong impressions about what male & female bodies should be like i.e. we almost expect women to now look like or have perfect bodies like porn stars in the movies. Of course 98% of us look nothing like porn stars in reality, I know myself as I trained many years ago as a dancer and even dancers who train every single day don't have bodies like models or porn stars,etc. Porn is therefore a misleading source of information about sex & relationships. Porn tells young people nothing about the realities of love, feelings, true intimacy, how to be sensitive to a partners needs,etc. Porn gives the wrong impressions and that's what I do have concern about for those young people growing up in the internet age.

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I agree that it's totally

Submitted by Margaux on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 06:10

I agree that it's totally normal for kids to be curious about sex. I remember, as a kid, looking up sex-related words in the dictionary and looking at anatomy books in the library with my friends and giggling at the sexual parts.

But it really does worry me when I think about kids being exposed to porn. It seems that every story told both on this site and by all the other porn/sex addicts I've met all begin with "I found porn at [insert very young age here] and I became obsessed." And that was during a time when it was only magazines, and those were often hard to find. When you've got an easily accessible, endless supply of images flashing before your eyes at a very fast rate, it's a recipe for rapid brainwashing.

It makes me sad to think that a pornified viewpoint might become the norm. It makes me sad to think of entire generations being unable to experience intimacy and appreciate the beauty of a human body in its natural form.

I realize this makes me sound really uptight and old-fashioned, but I'm only 32, which means I'm old enough to remember a time in my young adult life when the Internet wasn't around, but young enough that the porn culture has seriously affected my dating life and the lives of my contemporaries. I thank God that when I was a teenager and had my first experiences with sex, that I was able to feel appreciated and cherished and experience real intimacy. I have the feeling that more and more people's introductions to sex won't be so sweet.

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Hi, There have been x2

Submitted by Alex on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 09:19

Hi,

There have been x2 things that have caught my attention this week in the media.

a) The first was a very interesting article on the UK Guardian Newspaper of Saturday showing a very beautiful naked women ( a model) photographed in a simple seated pose without showing anything explicit. The first photograph shows her as she really is without any re-touching and the second image has been doctored using photo-shop re-touching to remove her little pot belly, flatten the stomach, enlarge the breast (what little that was shown) remove the string of the G string,etc,etc The second enhanced image is what would have normally been published in a womens magazine yet it is not an honest representation of a real women. And the real women was incredibly beautiful and she didn't need any re-touching IMO.

b) Last nights UK terrestrial TV BBC2 program called "hardcore profits" showed just how the pornography studios in the USA based mainly in Los Angeles made (make) there profits by selling their products to major well known named corporations such as Sky satellite TV which not surprisingly has over 50 adult content channels available. Marriott hotels worldwide have porn & adult content in every room on the TV system, Mobile phone clips, Internet websites, DVD on porn sold by the likes of Amazon.co.uk. The film even found that money invested by the Catholic Church was being invested into shares & funds with company's like Vodaphone who support or provide adult content. i.e. the church invests money that goes to support hardcore porn. Even the God father of porn Lary Flynt of Hustler magazine fame agreed that porn had gone too far these days & had over stepped some sort of moral boundary (and thats rich coming from him!!) i.e. porn was becoming more extreme than ever before.

Finally the documentary employed the services of a forensic accountant (someone who investigates the murky dealings of big business's money making) in order to try & discover were or how these main stream respectable corporations made their money from porn. He failed to find out after months of trying to uncover the real truth, the truth is ALL these companies hid their profits from adult content services from their annual accounts. In other words the profits must be so massive i.e. run into billions of dollars and they must be so ashamed and they know this is immoral so they don't want the public or shareholders or investors to know the truth. i.e. they make money from hardcore porn. But it seems when it comes to making millions in profits morality goes out of the window. Nobody is interested in the negative consequences for individuals or countries or generations of kids when it comes to porn & money making. It was a rather depressing film and the films conclusions were also quite depressing really too.

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Make no mistake about it!!!.

Submitted by Alex on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 09:27

Make no mistake about it!!!. Porn does little or nothing to add to the sum total of human happiness. Indeed porn only adds more pain & suffering & unhappiness to the world in my opinion. Everything about porn is NOT what it appears to be at first impressions. Paradoxically almost everything about porn is the actual opposite of what it appears at first glance or superficially.

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I don't think that worrying

Submitted by Roy on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 09:47

I don't think that worrying about young kids looking at porn is uptight or old-fashoined. After the bad experience I've had (am having) with porn addiction, I don't like the idea of other kids going through the same.

The Internet is like the dictionary where we used to try to find swear words, but the dictionary didn't break spoil our innocence like porn does. Children will lookup porn on the internet and it is too late to stop that now.

Alex that tv show sounded good. If Larry Flynt is worried, we all should be !

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The really unfortunate thing

Submitted by Margaux on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 17:13

The really unfortunate thing is, most people aren't going to realize how damaging porn is until it's too late. Before I got together with my husband and realized that it's possible for this stuff to turn someone into a zombie (that sounds harsh--but he truly became a shadow of himself), I thought there was nothing wrong with porn and I couldn't understand why people would get up in arms about it.

I often hesitate to say porn should be banned or that it's always bad, because there are apparently people who can use it without ruining their lives. But the fact that it DOES cause so many problems in so many people's lives makes me wonder what should be done about it. Considering how many people are profiting, as Alex pointed out, I'm not sure HOW much can be done.

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I tend to agree or should

Submitted by Alex on Mon, 07/09/2009 - 21:39

I tend to agree or should that be that I'm in complete sympathy with Margaux's comments:-

[ I often hesitate to say porn should be banned or that it’s always bad, because there are apparently people who can use it without ruining their lives. But the fact that it DOES cause so many problems in so many people’s lives makes me wonder what should be done about it. Considering how many people are profiting, as Alex pointed out, I’m not sure HOW much can be done. ]

No.1 Surely there needs to be a much much higher profile debate in the public arena & political arena about porn & its potentially negative effects.

No.2 I still remain quite ambivalent myself about porn. I cannot see a total band ever being practical because porn is now too wide spread within global societies. How could anyone implement a ban or control over such material. It is a very worrying phenomena I have to agree.

No.3 Whilst I don't want society to go too far in the other direction & for us to become a big brother state which tells everyone what they are & are not allowed to view. i.e. extreme control bordering on oppression. But nor do I want the current total free for all complete hands off, anything goes situation to remain either. Its very very problematic.

No.4 I can only talk from personal experience, but I have concluded that porn is potentially so powerful for most ordinary people that there really is no such thing as a safe level of porn usage. I have also concluded that the harm, or potential difficulties that porn causes completely outweighs any limited gratification you gain in the short term. Which I guess is like saying porn is actually harmful really.

No.5 The porn production companies, CEO's of porn companies, & associated business corporations which all rake in mega profits from porn frankly don't give a monkeys about the harmful side effects of porn usage. Porn is about making money, porn is a modern day part of global capitalism. Finally what we all need to realize is that capitalism is A-Moral and big business's have no interest on any level about people's feelings or well being. The porn obsessives, porn compulsive's, porn addicts, etc are literally as one person here recently said. These people are just "the road kill" of the global porn industry. This is a view I have to completely agree with.

No.6 I avoid porn as much as possible now a days as I don't need or want it in my life. Too avoid continuing to be a squashed road kill I use OpenDNS. This company offer a free web filtering system at the highest level of the internet, you can register for free and the free account gives you a dashboard. The dashboard allows you to set up free web filtering based on a wide number of categories and you can easily block what ever you like including pornography,etc. I works extremely well, so well in fact that I can now explorer the internet with little worry about ending up on a porn site. For me OpenDNS is a safety net & brings new confidence about using the web once again. And as its self selected its NOT being imposed from above so too speak. I use this for my own peace of mind & personal well being. I highly recommend OpenDNS to anyone with a porn problem. http://www.opendns PS:- its easy to set up too.

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I've been conducting a survey

Submitted by David on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 04:12

I've been conducting a survey of visitors to our site (www.fromshame2grace.com) trying to get some primary research around behaviors related to pornography use. The findings thus far are interesting and somewhat depressing. The average age of the respondents was around 34 and 70 percent were men. Seventy-five percent of respondents were exposed to pornography before they were 14. Almost 40 percent were exposed before age 11. An interesting correlation here is that those exposed before 11 were much more likely to identify themselves as addicted to pornography as an adult. I think that is a HUGE warning cry for today's youth, whose average age of exposure is somewhere around 9 because of the Internet. If my informal survey is any indication, we could be facing a massive epidemic of pornography addiction as this generation matures.

I'll share one more stat in this post and then follow up with later posts detailing the remainder of the survey results. This is one of the most important stats next to age of exposure. Kids don't go seeking out pornography at age nine. I sure wasn't when I stumbled upon my father's pornography collection at that age. Of those responding to the survey, more than half were first exposed to pornography at home via their father's collection or from a friend's fathers collection. I'm sure if this survey were done with kids today we would see the Internet as a huge source, but we're still talking about seeing it at HOME. I don't have kids so I hesitate to comment on raising them, but parents today must take personal responsibility for protecting their kids from pornography. From everything I've learned, early exposure is one of the first building blocks of an addiction. I think we have to change the mindset that viewing porn is just a "rite of passage" for kids. It is a rite of passage for sex addicts.

Not every kid who views pornography at an early age will end up like me (going to prison for possessing child pornography), but I bet that almost every person who ends up like me was exposed to pornography early.

Take steps to protect your family, ask questions about what they are doing online, use accountability software like Covenant Eyes to monitor their behavior, talk to them about the damage pornography can do and how they have a personal responsibility to walk away.

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Hello, In response to the

Submitted by Alex on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 10:53

Hello,

In response to the last posting above, I have to say that YES! I was exposed to my first erotic imagery at the age of 14 years old. What I was exposed to wasn't what we would call porn bye any stretch of the imagination, it was extremely soft soft-core in nature. But it made me aware that sexual imagery existed which lead me onwards to magazine based porn. I have nobody else to blame for my porn habits only myself but I do feel a contributing factor was having two working professional parents who were absent much of the time didn't help.

**I don't personally believe in the concept of porn addiction. Porn is NOT an addiction this is a mistaken or incorrect use of terms (terminology). YES! porn has many similarities to addiction but I think calling porn an addiction is inappropriate & very unhelpful. In my opinion the use of porn is really more appropriately to be termed or classified as "Obsession" or "Compulsion" which is not just splitting hairs here, these terms shift the emphasis of the condition. Addiction tends to suggest a medical model & suggests the person is just a hapless victim which I don't believe we are at all. Obsession or compulsion is something that is already inside us as a potential set of behaviors but is just triggered by porn. The use of porn is actually a choice at some level even if that choice is rather unconsciously made, its still a choice and therefore in my opinion we can also make a choice to stop using (viewing) porn when the time is right. Obsession & compulsion & the use of porn is only a symptom of a deeper problem, it is a method to numb out the pain of that wound.

**NOTE:- you cannot generalize though, not all people exposed to porn at age 14 go on to become porn obsessives. Not everyone is wired psychologically the same way and therefore you cannot assume that everyone exposed to porn will respond in the same way. Thats a bit like saying every young male who has a knife will go on to stab someone, its NOT a foregone conclusion, its not a given. But what remains true & I agree here is that the more knifes or porn are easily available the more people will get stabbed or struggle with a porn obsession.

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Lets face it the problem is

Submitted by Alex on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 12:11

Lets face it the problem is that porn exists fact, & its NOT going to go away sadly. You can try banning it or governments can try to regulate it (like in China). I see the problem as one of how you (we) control access to online porn sites or adult content. Thus how to control kids exposure to porn and how parents talk to or educate children about the risks of porn.

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Alex, I know you're very

Submitted by Margaux on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 21:57

Alex, I know you're very adamant about porn not being addiction, but I have to ask you this: Have you read any of the literature by people who do feel that it's an addiction? Dr. Patrick Carnes, considered the foremost expert, has written several books on sex addiction, including "In the Shadows of the Net" (all about the porn aspect of sex addiction), while "The Porn Trap" by Larry and Wendy Maltz is another informative one, and Dr. Douglas Weiss is considered another expert in the field. The reason I ask is because these people touch on many of the issues you raise, such as whether or not addiction is a choice, whether or not a physiological element needs to be present, how they believe porn acts as a drug, etc., etc.

I do understand and respect that, even if you might have already read this literature, you still don't feel that it's an addiction. But I often find it difficult to engage in meaningful, forward-moving discussion here when the debate always goes back to whether or not it truly is an addiction, especially when the title of this blog is "Quit Porn *Addiction.*" Seeing this title, people are going to refer to the problem as such.

I mean no disrespect, and I truly value your insights. But can we agree to drop the addiction vs. compulsion debate? Or maybe Jason would consider changing the title of this blog to avoid confusion and so we're all using the same terminology?

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Hello Marguax, Thanks for

Submitted by Alex on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 23:00

Hello Marguax,

Thanks for your comments, the answer is No! I haven't read the books you have mentioned. I am only talking from my own personal perspective based on my own insights & opinions. I don't know why but to use the term a porn addiction seems inappropriate, why am I so passionate about this use of terminology? Well I do think its relevant here to this blog & on this site. Because it frequently touches back to the entire issue of how you help people ( or an individual person) to overcome or release themselves from their sense of being trapped in the cycle of use & shame etc. In other words the terminology that is used to define the problem in the first place is shapes the cure or healing process i.e. how the problem is solved.

**I guess I'm no different from lots of people who having come to terms with porn & let go of its effects on a personal level, I'm still left with many unanswered questions. Still thinking about the best way to help others overcome these issues. I still find porn such a massive daunting issue and I guess its still quite a sensitive subject because its so personal and yet affects so very many people too. Its full of massive paradoxes still.

** My opinion is that a porn habit is a form of obsession or compulsion. And perhaps for others porn might be an addiction I am willing to accept that both might be true & that one doesn't invalidate the other.

**I can also accept that I have difficulties with the medical profession & its often arrogance in telling people whats wrong with them. When the very doctor telling them has no personal experience of the said condition. This is what happened to me on one very major illness I had and in the end I cured myself with doctors or drugs. Thus I am extremely wary of what some doctors or health professionals tell us. I grew in a medical family with a father who was a doctor so I do fully accept this might play a part in my bias?

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That should have been

Submitted by Alex on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 23:03

That should have been "WITHOUT" the use of drugs or doctors .

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Hi Margaux, I do agree

Submitted by Jason on Tue, 08/09/2009 - 23:15

Hi Margaux,

I do agree that the 'is porn an addiction' issue is a tricky one, and it can sometimes lead the discussion up a cul-de-sac. Yet at the same time, Alex raises it because the distinction is important.

For the record, I think that the term 'porn addiction' can be misleading, and often smacks of disease model and confusion with 'real' physiological addictions. There's a developing culture of 'got porn addiction? you need to take the 12-steps' which risks bypassing the distinctions and underlying causes, and leads straight to 'powerlessness'. I could go on, but that's another can of worms for another day :)

So am I being hypocritical by bandying the words 'porn addiction' around on my websites and indeed, domain names? Perhaps a little. But it has become the term that people recognise, quote to their counsellors and tap into Google.

There's much debate in psychology circles; some people argue that 'porn addiction' and 'sex addiction' should be recognised in the DSM-IV (the official US manual of mental disorders, which doesn't contain the word 'addiction' on any page). Others have suggested that 'porn addiction' is as unhealthy a diagnosis as 'frigidity' famously used to be.

For now, I continue to say 'porn addiction', but hopefully within context and avoiding detracting too much from the seriousness of the problem, whatever the label.

Some critics point out that 12-steps advocate Dr. Patrick Carnes invented sex and porn 'addiction'. They also remind us that he's a former prison psychologist with no training in human sexuality. It would be beyond my remit to comment further on that, but an interesting angle all the same.

It's also interesting to note that in 'The Porn Trap' (which is an excellent resource), Wendy Maltz barely uses the word 'addiction', if at all.

So the debate inevitably goes on, and hijacks yet another thread :) But I hope that throughout this blog, we can all continue to discuss 'porn addiction' and the essential support for breaking free from it.

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Hi everyone, (Jason &

Submitted by Alex on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 12:32

Hi everyone, (Jason & Margaux),

You know this discussion or blog (call it what you like) is exactly what I really value about this website & the work that has gone into its creation. I do really appreciate hearing other peoples views & opinions about the difficulties of dealing with porn, even if they are very different from my own, even if at times I disagree with them. I do think its important to have a site like this were we can share or talk openly about porn, its also worth bearing in mind that we could NOT be having this kind of open discussion about porn in many many other countries around the world due to political or religious restrictions such as in China or Somalia (countries which hold fast to things like Sharia law for example).

**I feel we are all in some agreement here that when it comes to problematic porn use or porn viewing habits (behavior) there are x3 basic theme's going on in the discussion. a) how to limit or prevent exposure to internet based porn i.e. the widest & most available form of porn b) when a person has a porn habit how to approach helping that person. Weather you choose to call it obsession or compulsion or addiction the fundamental thing is trying to point to the same thing, there is a problem with using or viewing porn. c) How do you help a person change their behavior or habits, how do you help them to let go of using porn, help them break what is a negative cycle of behavior.

**I am wary of the addiction industry with its professional experts. I am especially wary of using psychological labels because having worked in the field of mental health, I have seen people who identified themselves by the label they were given by a psychiatrist. Indeed I've met people who sadly constructed their entire personal identity on such labels from the mental health professionals which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. And its almost as if at times one form of emotional dependency is being replaced by another, from dependency on porn to dependency on some form of addiction doctor or addiction expert or program. Entire communities of porn addicts are easily found on the internet and if you ever dare to challenge the notion in these forums that what you have isn't an addiction you will be flamed or met with much anger.

Now I understand why this is, because such people have become attached to the very notion that they are sick and that they have an addiction called porn addiction. If you suggest that dependency on porn is perhaps not an addiction you will be shot down, to suggest you are NOT an addict after all is just far far to threatening, you are threatening that persons actual view of how they see themselves i.e. their very identity as a porn addict instead of a normal person with a certain unhealthy habit for which they can start to take personal responsability for. I wonder if the addiction industry actually helps to keep people stuck in a certain dependency rut?

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Calling something Porn

Submitted by Alex on Wed, 09/09/2009 - 14:53

Calling something Porn addiction, or call it porn obsession, or call it a porn compulsion. I wonder if this is rather just splitting hairs. You know on deeper reflection all these terms have one important thread in common & that is some kind "dependency". I wonder if an even more suitable term for what we are all trying to discuss here might not be "porn dependency". YES! and after all calling something porn dependency would also fit well (even though I don't think its an addiction) with those people that want to carry on calling this struggle porn an addiction. Addiction, obsession, compulsion they all amount to the same thing and that appears to be some form of porn dependency??

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Alex, these are all good

Submitted by Margaux on Thu, 10/09/2009 - 17:22

Alex, these are all good points and I do understand the hesistance to refer to it as an addiction in order to avoid the dependency on a label. From my side, I'm not so concerned with the label as I am concerned with how the problem is treated, and it seems that using the addiction model and, as a result, a 12-step program does seem to be a very effective way of treating the problem. That's not to say that therapy couldn't be effective, but it seems like the field of psychology has a lot of catching up to do when it comes to figuring out how to treat compulsive porn use. In my experience, so many therapists are completely uneducated when it comes to this problem and wind up giving clients extremely damaging advice. I can't tell you how many therapists my husband and I saw who told my husband he should go on watching porn, that I was a prude who needed to accept porn, and that all our problems would be solved by experimenting more in the bedroom.

I realize that, both of you, Alex and Jason, don't seem to have a lot of respect for 12 step programs, but I have to ask this: Have either of you ever tried one? "Powerlessness" is a term that seems to be grossly misunderstood by people who have no experience with 12-step. Rather than mean that the situation is hopeless and that one has no control over their behavior, powerlessness simply means that a person can't manage the behavior on his own--he needs other people and a tangible recovery plan in place. Which is the whole point of therapy, as well (and I believe the program you created, Jason)--we go to therapists because we can't fix our problems on our own.

One other thing that I wanted to address: Alex, you said that your basis for not feeling it was an addiction was your own battle with porn, and I respect that. Knowledge based on experience is wisdom. However, how do you know that your experience is the same as everyone else's? How do you know that while you might have a compulsion--something that can be examined in therapy and that goes away in time--that someone else might not have a full-blown addiction that wouldn't respond to the same treatment? I think there's a very big danger in projecting our particular situation onto other people and believing it's the same for everyone.

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I subscribe to this website

Submitted by Duncans on Thu, 10/09/2009 - 20:17

I subscribe to this website and follow it with some interest, and yes I have noticed occasional negative comments made about the 12 Steps. I have yet to attend a 12 Steps meeting, but I would also like to know why you seem so disapproving.

Thanks

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Those are completely valid

Submitted by Jason on Thu, 10/09/2009 - 22:28

Those are completely valid observations about 12-step, and the viewpoint sometimes expressed in my writings. It's another topic on my 'must address in a proper blog post someday' list, but I'll try to briefly summarise my feelings here:

Some pros

12-step support groups such as AA and SA are time-proven and work for some people. When 12-step succeeds, it does so in good part because it creates a non-habit-indulging social network and support community for the person seeking help. It gives them something to do, gets them out of the house, helps them realise that they are not alone. The value of this is undeniable.

The modern day 12-step approach has also shed a lot of the hardcore religious zeal that underpinned the original ethos. Groups are generally more accessible.

Some cons

Despite this progress, the remaining concepts of powerlessness and addiction as a disease still trouble me. Indeed, research has shown that lack of self-sufficient coping skills and a belief in the disease model are primary factors for relapse. 12-step insists that we need the ongoing support of other people. Striving to lick a problem on your own, through self-research, insight, a course of (temporary) therapy or whatever, is disregarded by 12-step as 'denial'. That's too black and white.

Another concern is the 'lifelong addict-in-recovery' message. For the long-term, I just think there are better replacement behaviour options.

In conclusion, I've worked with people who didn't find 12-step helpful. Devout SA attendees and evangelists don't tend to come and talk to me, so maybe that explains some of my outlook. And whilst I've observed some elements of these programs in action, I've never worked one myself.

I wouldn't try to counsel anyone against support groups, be it 12-step or SMART or Modern Management or whatever. It's an option worth exploring as part of a personal recovery plan. But I do advise that there are plenty of other options, and many people pursue a self-help or alternative plan with potentially more success.

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Hi Margaux, I completely

Submitted by Jason on Thu, 10/09/2009 - 22:54

Hi Margaux,

I completely agree with the point you made about damaging advice from therapists. Sadly, there are many anecdotes and reports from couples who receive similar, dismissive treatment.

Hopefully it is apparent that when I refer to counselling and therapy, I'm talking about a very different approach! There really is a lot of catching up to do in some areas of the therapy profession.

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Jason, thanks for validating

Submitted by Margaux on Fri, 11/09/2009 - 01:11

Jason, thanks for validating my bad experiences with therapy for this issue. I do want to say again, though, that I don't dismiss therapy as a way of treating this problem. I know other couples who sing the praises of Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATS) and I'm not completely dismissing the notion that therapy could be effective even without the use of the word "addiction." The biggest issue for me, as someone whose marriage (and many other parts of life) has been turned upside down by this problem, is this: What's going to get it under control as quickly as possible, as well as for the long haul? What's more, what form of treatment isn't going to cost us every penny? (A CSAT typically costs $250 per session, whereas 12-step is free). The therapists we visited (which, I will stress again, are not indicative of ALL therapists) exacerbated the problem, and it became clear that the longer we shopped for a therapist who could effectively treat this issue, the worse my husband's problem became. 12-step was proving to be effective for a vast majority of the people working the program, so that's what we finally settled on. Our choices weren't so philsophical in nature as they were practical.

I want to return now, though, to my "for the long haul" remark. You said in your comment above:

"Another concern is the ‘lifelong addict-in-recovery’ message. For the long-term, I just think there are better replacement behaviour options."

How long have you been "free" of porn addiction, Jason? How long has the first patient you treated been free? One of the oft-believed, but erroneous assumptions about addiction is that it's a constant state of unmanageability. But the truth is, many addicts can reign in the addictive behavior for long periods of time--sometimes years, or replace it with another, seemingly more benign addiction (food, smoking, a weaker drug like pot) and believe they're cured. (This is where the term "dry drunk" comes from.) But then, after a long period of this "controlled" state, often when the person is least expecting it, the addiction will return full force.

The point I'm trying to make is: How do you know, Jason, that you and you patients truly are cured and that it's NOT a lifetime problem when you haven't yet had a lifetime of being "clean"? How do you know that you or your patients won't start using porn again at some point in your life?

I also realize that the reverse of the argument can be made for 12-step programs--this porn problem hasn't been in recognition long enough (only since the '80s) for us to know if it truly is a lifetime problem like other addictions. I guess all I'm saying is that I think it's important to not make blanket statements--"It definitely IS an addiction" or "It most certainly ISN'T an addiction" until a lot more research has been done and a lot more time has passed.

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Hi Margaux, "How do you

Submitted by Jason on Sun, 13/09/2009 - 21:58

Hi Margaux,

"How do you know that you ... won’t start using porn again at some point in your life?"

This is an extremely valid point to raise, so thank you once again! I'm currently writing an article about long-term recovery, and focussing this very question.

So I'd like to respond properly in a dedicated blog entry. I'll endeavour to get something posted up within the next week.

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