Comments on: Why I became hooked on porn – RJ’s story

By: Alex

Alex — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 21:15:01 +0000

**One of the side effects of using porn on a regular basis is (if you have a porn habit) shame & guilt. Shame and guilt go with the territory of using porn!! Use porn = feel bad, or feel worse than before.

**Many religions only increase the sense of moral shame or guilt (or both) around sex & sexuality. Only add to the confusion & only increase the complexity of the issues that surround porn. I say confusion what I mean is that sometimes religions can confuse a morally difficult issue even further, I’m sure many religions mean well and have good intentions but often its not really helpful ultimately. Why? because we need to resolve or solve the moral dilemma ourselves on a personal level for ourselves as to is using porn OK or not?

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 18:27:33 +0000

I admire your honesty. I too believe that offering help and support to anyone wanting to understand and overcome porn addiction so helpful. A book I have seen many couple use before to help, and I too checked to the book out to verify its content is, "Love and Pornography," by Victoria Prater and Garry Prater. Just like you, their approach is very helpful and honest.

By: danb

danb — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:00:50 +0000

yeah i tick 3 of these 5 boxes. i get the choice of porn or Jesus and for the last 2yrs have been choosing porn everytine. i feel so ashamed

By: Marcus

Marcus — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:56:26 +0000

I can totally relate to this too – all credit to the writer. It sounds as if you are still quite young RJ, yet have reached a mature self-awareness already. I think this puts you in good position to overcome porn addiction. I wish I had such self-knowledge earlier in my life.

Marcus

By: Margaux

Margaux — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:49:28 +0000

Wow, this is so incredibly honest, heartfelt and insightful. Thanks so much for sharing!

By: Alex

Alex — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 16:38:45 +0000

I had an absent father in my growing up & the pain of this intense sense of rejection was dreadful, so dreadful its hard to put such feelings into words. But I have struggled long & hard with porn and YES! felt like shit, felt unbelievably bad about myself. I used porn without being aware of why I was using it, & I came to realize that I used porn to numb out my pain, it really was that simple when I realized this. For me this insight was massive and as a result I started to let go of using porn and I started to try and face my heart brake head on and tried not to run away from this. I was able to grieve some of that loss and some of that heart brake, the more I saw my past the more I just let go the need for porn in myself.

**YES! Your article has many good comments and you are aware of your past, your personal history. You do see some of the causes of why you feel the way you do. YES! I would say you can heal some of our past if you are willing too, if you have the courage to face the pain. The porn is only a way to numb out the past related to your mum and dad and the way you were treated.

**The more you heal and face your past the more you will reach the point of letting go the use of porn. I no longer need or want porn in my life, I have found or reached a degree of inner contentment and peace without the need for porn. My life might be less exciting possibly but what price can you place on real happiness. Happiness is not a commodity you cannot buy it with money, happiness only arises out of choice, out of a process of letting go. Your happiness IS definitely possible and achievable you only have to want it more than porn, want it more than numbing out.

**In other words perhaps you might make your own happiness the “cool” thing to have or too be??

I wish you well on your journey of healing, regards Alex.