Pornography can be hard on a relationship

How do wives put up with porn-addicted husbands? Why do girlfriends stick with guys who refuse to acknowledge the realities of a problem porn habit, even when it's blatantly destroying the relationship. Of course, there are many reasons: the family, the home, maintaining appearances of a working relationship, fear of being alone, the shred of hope that something is going to change.

Hillary Geiger from the Sacramento State Hornet describes her experience of living with a porn-obsessed boyfriend here. It's an interesting article, as she echoes the feelings of many partners who somehow become resigned to living alongside the addiction:

There was no sex life, no interaction, nothing in that context. We ate together, slept together, and watched television together. But, the only physical interaction was around family or friends, which only consisted of hand holding and kissing. This was only done so that no one would ask questions. I didn't want the whole world knowing how unhappy I was because it had in a way become comfortable. I did my own thing. I could go out with my friends and have fun and then come home to a boyfriend who wasn't controlling or mad at me cause I was home so late.

When his porn habit has wormed its way into everyday living in this way, an odd relationship of cold convenience can sadly become the norm. The problem is that putting up with his behaviour not only enables it to continue, but gives him the green light to increase his obsession and dependence on pornographic thrills.

By the twisted logic of addiction, to be able to openly indulge in the habit against the backdrop of an apparently normal relationship is an absolute ideal. "There's nothing wrong with me or my lifestyle... I'm in a relationship... box ticked... now back to the porn" reasons the addicted mind.

Another quote from Hillary's article:

The night I moved out, he went onto his MySpace to comment one of his friends that he was so glad I finally moved out because now he could watch his porn in peace.

There is a point of no return for relationships, and this comment underlines just how deteriorated the relationship and his porn addiction had become. When partners are regarded as little more than hinderances in the never-ending quest for more porn, or even blamed for the habit, something really has to give.