Now my wife has found out - DH's story
I am sitting here in complete frailty after the events of last night.
I have the most beautiful fiancée in the world. She tells me how honourable a man I am and that my love for God is so encouraging. (we met through our church last year).
Last night as we were getting ready to go to dinner she calls me into my room with tears in her eyes after discovering my internet history on my computer. I was speechless. For years I have tried to quit this addiction of looking at porn. All the while trying to keep it between me and God. But now the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with knows.
I feel so ashamed of all the times she says how good a man I am. I know this addiction is not me but the work of the Devil, and I so desperately desire to be completely clean from its grasp. We both are seeing our Pastor today and I know it will be uncomfortable.
But I know that by bringing this to light now before we begin our marriage that it will ultimately save us from future temptations.
For those who feel afraid to tell someone about their addiction, please please don't be worried about what others will think. You NEED to confront it! The pain of thinking you can do it yourself is not worth it.
This site is calming me now as I write this and I pray for not only my healing but that of all those suffering from this affliction. My prayers to all.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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I read your story but I have
I read your story but I have to say I think you set yourself up for this fall. Its better that your future wife (partner) knows all aspects of who you are not just the nice parts but also the less nice parts too. We all have positive & negative aspects (light & dark) to our personalities & characters, some we show the outer world but others who choose to hide away.
Quote: I feel so ashamed of all the times she says how good a man I am. I know this addiction is not me but the work of the Devil.
ANS: I think your completely wrong here, your porn habit IS YOU!! Its actually got 100% nothing to do with any so called devil. In my sincere opinion by trying to divorce this behavior from who you are you only dig yourself into a deep hole. Secondly, your pastor wont be able to fix this habit as the answers or healing has to come from within you. Only you can fix this not the church, not your pastor not even your god. The only person that can fix this is YOU!!. But I do wish you well in your efforts to change & heal yourself.
In my life I try to be fully
In my life I try to be fully aware as possible to balance the light and the dark aspects of myself. If you deny your inner darkness (shadow self) it will only come back to bite you. The things we push into our shadow bag always want to be let out. Therefore its vitally important to try & acknowledge our shadow self (the parts we prefer not to show the outer world, our friends, our family, our wife or girlfriend) why? because our greatest powers our greatest life lessons, our best learning can come from this shadow place.
**There's a saying here in Yorkshire, "where there's muck there's brass!!" meaning out of the shit of life comes great goodness (base metal is literally transformed into pure gold metaphorically).
**The more we deny or push down our actual pain the more it wants to be let out, the more it wants to be expressed & let free. Only if we release our pain can healing start to take place. Denial of our pain only prolongs the agony & denial of our pain only keeps the wound open & suppurating.
It doesn't matter how you try
It doesn't matter how you try to dress it up, a porn habit is a porn habit!! Irrespective of your spirituality, religion or faith. Having a porn habit cuts across ALL types of situations, having a porn habit has no respect for age, for your status in society, marital status, wealth or poverty, skin color or racial group you belong too. The porn industry doesn't give too hoots who or what you are it will always try to exploit our weakness's & vulnerabilities. It does this to make money from us, money making is all the porn industry is really concerned with NOT sex which seems paradoxical superficially. But porn is not what it appears to be superficially anyway.
One response
I've stopped sleeping with my husband upon finding out his habit. I can trace his porn use back to a year, though who knows how long he has been hiding it from me (we have been married for 5 years and dated for 2 while in college). I've kept myself thin and pretty for him but he seldom shows interest in me and now I know why. I get plenty of attention from men so I know I am attractive to the opposite sex. I am not going to let myself be one of the many ways my husband finds sexual gratification, as if I were part of a concubine. Obviously my pride has been deeply hurt here. I would rather sleep with a man I meet at the bar who has is open about his various affairs and who can shower me with attention (even if just for one night) than with a man who is supposed to be my husband, pretends to be honorable and faithful, and jerks off to garbage like a dog and pays me hardly any attention. It is our daughter and our friendship that keeps us together, though the intimate part of our marriage is dead.
more to this and the devil
I'm a CHristian. THe devil doesn't make you do things. He finds your weakness, exploits it, and tempts you. In the end, YOU are responsible for the action. What church and God teach you is how to resist the devil, but again, YOU have to take those steps.
And I'm not speaking from a pedestal. I'm in teh same boat as you, with my wife. Mine isn't so much an addiction as it is a bad habit that surfaces once in a blue moon for a period than goes away for a long time. Like only smoking while at bars. But it's still a problem that I don't want to surface again. ever.
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