My beautiful ex-girlfriend and the cost of porn addiction - M's story
Several months ago my girlfriend of many years broke up with me in part because she felt sexually abandoned in our relationship, as though I was no longer attracted to her. I took at least 30 - 45 minutes to orgasm each time. Sex was down from 3 - 5 times a week to once every 2 weeks-ish. I wasn't maintaining a hard erection as I had in the past and I was essentially fantasizing about porn while having sex. I even faked an orgasm once... which is stupid for any guy to do. A woman knows what happened in her vagina.
The terrible truth is that she was so unbelievably beautiful and fun. A dynamo in bed, she was a real catch. In the end her self confidence was drained.
Truthfully there were other intimacy related issues, communication, finances, fights, stress and smoking cigarettes, which she despised. Sex was less spontaneous and fun filled. Shame was a part of the follies a deux. She felt less beautiful. I felt less virile. We both became distant.
The computer screen can be the reflection of our own psycho-sexual fantasies. Gazing into it too long only spurns our Echo away.
No further comment from me required here. Thank you M for sharing this profound reflection.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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Thanks for this very honest,
Thanks for this very honest, heartfelt post. This sounds a lot like what I suspect happened in my marriage. However, I have to say that for us, the fighting happened after I discovered the porn--not vice versa--and I know that, for me, I had so much resentment built up over the porn that even the littlest things would set me off. And I suspect that my husband was very resentful over all the fighting we did over the porn, and that bled into other areas for him as well. Up until the porn became a factor, my husband and I fought very little and had a lot of fun together.
Oh, and I just wanted to add:
Oh, and I just wanted to add: Even if your wife/girlfriend hasn't said anything about your porn addiction (you might even think she doesn't know) and you don't fight about it directly, it could be causing serious problems in your relationship. It took me several months to muster up the courage to address the porn problem, but it was nagging at me the whole time and that unspoken resentment certainly had an effect on other areas of our relationship. Also, even if she truly doesn't know about it, the porn often causes the addict to unknowingly withdraw (both sexually and emotionally) and that causes a multitude of problems, too. Just because the elephant in the room hasn't been seen or acknowledged doesn't mean it isn't tearing around, breaking everything in the house.
Oh Margaux, you really said
Oh Margaux, you really said it there. It took me so long to actually confront my husband over his porn fetish, but the bad feelings had been bubbling up for at least a year. I just didn't want him to think I was small-minded or prudish. I wondered if I was. We had friends, couples, who went to fetish clubs and were so cool with everything. I didn't want him to look at them, and then look at me telling him off for just sitting at his computer.
But he was sitting at that computer for hours every day, and as you say, completely withdrawing from me. The other couples interests brought them together. I wasn't wrong - he had the problem. We're still together and he's working on getting a grip. There has been some improvement and reading sites like this really helps me.
Thank you
Hello there, since a month
Hello there, since a month ago I´ve been following the blog. My husband doesnt know I found thousand of porn photographs edited by himself with many close people (family, friends) He always seemed to be the perfect husband until one month ago i asked him if he was very happy with me (expecting him to say "yes") and that moment he confessed an affair with his married colleague (also included in the photos dated since before we got married 2 y ago) I can´t tell you all what I´ve been keeping in silence, I still act normal and as he chose to better stay with his affair he asked for separation. Two nights ago (as he´s on a trip) he called to say that he doesnt want to lose everything, that she has her life,family etc and he wants to give our marriage another chance... I am destroyed, never expect not the affair neither what i discovered to happen. Why are they pics dated just 10 days after my miscarriage last december, how sick is when he told that the affair is such a good woman that she offered herself to carry our baby if i couldnt manage to get pregnant again. He seems to be so sad of talking to the affair to finish everything and treats me like if i were so strong and nothing affects me. I am moving out next week, with many questions in my head without saying a word and honestely don´t know what to tell him if he ever try to save the marriage. Any advice is wellcome, I am 33 y.o, professional, good person, good looking woman feeling like my life is gone.
Hello Brenda From the
Hello Brenda
From the details you mention, it's fairly clear that your husband is selfishly trampling all over your emotions. He's acting like an obsessed, solopsistic little boy who thinks he can play these emotional games and will always be able to return to his secure mother figure.
I say this because I've been in his shoes. My addiction to pornographic websites led me into becoming obsessed with other women. Despite a marriage of 8-years to a very loving and loyal lady, porn made me feel entitled to 'fun' with other women. My attitude towards my wife became twisted and distorted. She remained my source of homelife, security, dinners in front of the tv. I didn't want to have sex with her but so desperately wanted to cling to everything else. There's only one word for it - selfish.
I can't judge your situation or your husband, but my advice would be to continue your plans to move out. You can do so much better than him, I'm sure.
Peace, Carl
Thank you Carl, can´t stop
Thank you Carl, can´t stop crying. Thinking when he´s back and I can´t explote, don´t know if someday i need to confront him, don´t understand the meaning of his words when he says he loves me as a daugther or sister, shall i just better keep everything in peace as there are just 2 more nights he´s sleeping in the next room, does it worths to tell him the truth or just leave it like that, he calls everyday (during all his trip) once we are separated do I need to stop taking his calls slowly or straight away, I am so afraid, it´s so hard to understand that is happening and never expect this from the "perfect husband". Thank you so much.
Hello, That's a
Hello,
That's a tremendously sad story, that you literally lost your beautiful partner to the sirens that are porn. A further comment I would make here is that I think many women do know or can sense intuitively when a partner is using pornography. There relationship falls flat as does the males libido. This story is heart braking and is one of the saddest stories about porn use & relationships I've come across in sometime.
Alex
It's true, porn is hazardous
It's true, porn is hazardous to real relationships. It also decreases our ability to enjoy real sex as opposed to porn sex.
I recently found out that my
I recently found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been looking at porn and creating profiles on websites that would involve sex like swingerslifestyle and stuff like that. He admitted that he has a problem and that he doesn't do it for fun, it's more like an escape from problems for him. This is very hurtful to find out because I'm not sure if I can ever trust him again. Can he really change even if he's seeking help?
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