My addiction and my dream occur in the same machine

J eloquently sums up his experience of porn addiction, and his uplifting determination to overcome it. J - thank you so much.

I'm so sick of porn.
I've used hard drugs and managed to avoid addiction.
I was certainly a beneficiary of those addicts who came before me.
When I bought my first computer, internet porn was kind of a frontier.
I really didn't know how dangerous it could be.
I've always believed I had a non-addictive personality.
I felt impervious.
Wow, I started down this road well over a decade ago!
With all the internet has to offer, the first thing I ever typed into a search engine was;
"redheads"

God, all that time looking for a gal who'll never exist!
There are no angels on the internet.
There are no Goddesses.
There's no such thing as a perfect ass.
But the well is endless. There are new dolls everyday.

I'm a writer and supposedly talented.
Unfortunately my addiction and my dream occur in the same machine.
I'll never get those wasted hours back,
all those years when I could have been honing myself.
I still got so much left though and I'm going to harvest it.

The other part of this is,
I used to cheat on any woman who mattered to me.
I started using porn to ward off the urges to go to bars
when my girlfriends were out of town - or whatever.
It worked and I ended up marrying an amazing gal.
We're doing great and I've defeated that part of me
that needs new smells and new looks and new attitudes.
Unfortunately, this technique has bolstered my addiction.

Uhg - I don't want to fuck up all the things I got going for me.
I'm lucky that I've gotten away with this for as long as I have.

Thanks for this forum.
If you're going through this too, you can beat it!