I want to get back to normality - HF's story

When we're locked into porn rituals, angry mood swings seem to come as part of the deal. HF reflects on his own experience of this:

I have been viewing internet pornography now for maybe 10 years. I now view for at least 2 hours per day. I feel when I am at the computer that I just cant resist. My only ray of hope is that when I cannot access a computer, for instance when I am on holiday, I do not get the craving.

I have become increasingly moody with my wife and tend to snap at people if they phone me whilst I am in the middle of one of my sessions. I want to get back to normality and not rely on this "drug". Any help I can get will be gratefully received.

Many readers will relate to this tendency to snap. It's a build up of resentment; resentment towards anyone who inadvertently gets in the way of our precious porn sessions, and resentment at ourselves for being trapped in this way. In the moment, we're giving higher priority to some internet download or throwaway image than the significant people that we share our lives with. If feels wrong and ridiculous, but we just can't seem to get a grip.

You mention the freedom and relief of being on holiday, and that's a valuable insight. When working with men who struggle with porn cravings, I often ask about situations where they feel distanced from the habit. Most guys experience times when they feel more like their natural, normal selves. And being on holiday, away from the computer, is a clear example.

At times when we're feeling swamped by porn obsession, being aware of such 'downtime' is a ray of hope. It helps us to seperate ourselves from the habit. I usually proceed to explore the 'escape' element; what is porn helping us to escape from? What anxiety or insecurity do we seek to numb with the stimulation of porn? When we're on holiday, it's not really the porn or the computer we've escaped from, but the anxiety that makes us depend upon porn. We've temporarily stepped out of the porn instinct, without even trying.

Once you begin to open up the habit motivation in this way, the reversal process can begin. A counsellor or therapist can certainly help you to explore, and a recovery plan can enable you to act on the insights that you gain. Even after 10 years of porn escapism, it is absolutely possible to change.

Thank you for submitting your story, and I wish you every success.