Don’t sell yourself short with pornography – FM’s story
There’s quite a library of true stories building on this site, and I’m extremely grateful for every one that gets sent in to me. In this post, FM reflects on his own struggle with porn, and draws some powerful conclusions about the nature of addiction:
Hi there. Funny where life brings you isn’t it? The long way around can bring you full circle. So here I am sharing my story of porn addiction.
I must admit, it is partially selfish of me to do so. I feel the need to exonerate my soul of past guilt, make peace with past sins, and please God by helping someone else who might need to hear my story.
Some of my earliest childhood memories were begging my friend to take me to his basement to show me his dad’s old stash of playboy magazines. The excitement and adrenaline was a cheap thrill for me. From the time of about age 12 until 29 years old porn was a part of my life, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Although there may have been periods where I didn’t think about it much or view it much, it was there, lingering, waiting to call my name. I don’t want to sound extreme, but porn ruined my life more than anything else. It forced me into isolation, convinced me i didn’t need relationships with other people, and it robbed me of having a meaningful existence. I carried nude pictures in my wallet in high school. I sat at home collecting thousands of images and movies from the internet.
Some people might laugh at my story, saying pornography is harmless, or not a big deal, but i am convinced it has the power to ruin your life. It is a gateway drug that starts with the harmless nude girl in playboy and leads you to the the extreme teen xxx barely legal or worse, into viewing girls under legal age. It is an addiction that cannot be quenched easily. There is always another beautiful girl to find or search for on the internet. It is a never ending cycle of pathetic pursuit of something fake. I say fake because it boils down to being a cheap imitation for real human relationships.
I have found that companionship is what humans truly crave. Knowing that someone loves you and will not leave you. Porn offers that because you can control it, and save it for as long as you want. It is a “relationship” without the heartache or rejection of real life. But i tell you the truth, it is better to be in relationship with another person. I am now engaged and have a wonderful young lady who loves me very much, although it is hard to believe so sometimes. But i tell you to keep trying and do not sell yourself short by viewing pornography. There is someone out there who loves you and you will find them and they will be all you need.
This account raises some important points. I should add that from my experience of working with people concerned about their relationships with porn, it really isn’t always a slippery slope into viewing under-age or illegal material. But tolerance for stronger or weirder stuff does tend to build; many people find themselves seeking out material that they are uncomfortable with, or they would have once considered off their moral radar.
Loneliness, insecurity or relationship craving certainly can contribute to a porn habit. We’re talking about a fundamental human need, and it can feel as if porn is providing a convenient substitute. Supersized portions of processed food fix our hunger but bypass our nutritional requirements; porn has a similar effect on our emotional needs. There are so many factors that may contribute to a destructive porn habit, and you have identified a common one here.
Thank you FM for sharing your story, and your success in moving on from porn addiction is both positive and inspirational.
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I know how emotive and frustrating this whole issue is. It’s...
Interesting. I’ve just come across this site after a new year resolution to quit this wasteful, stupid habit.
After quite a few years of watching porn (both on the internet and DVDs), I find myself looking at fetish and stuff that turns my stomach a bit sometimes but I just feel drawn to it. Normal naked girl stuff is boring. Afterwards, I frantically delete everything I’ve just downloaded, like I want to clean my act up and never do it again.
So this is tolerance. I’m going to buy your book.
Hello,
I found FM’s story truely touching & in many ways it gives me hope too, I have been struggling with porn for many years. What I have learned is that I am a normal hetrosexual male and the sexual things I like & which arouse me are 100% normal & NOT in the slightest bit weird or even morally dubious. I discovered that I find violence & sexual violence in porn a total turn off, many many types of porn I find either awful, ugly, disgusting. I don’t enjoy hardcore porn at all in fact I find it pretty boring TBH. I’ve seen in passing images of naked girls who were clearly under age but I was very surpsed that I didn’t find them sexually interesting at all and had little or no interest in them.
**I have to 100% totally agree with the very honest & wise words of FM that porn is like an itch and sadly the more you (we,me) sratch that itch the worse the itch gets until it even hurts.
**I also totally agree that Porn makes me feel I am a horrible person, it makes me feel even less lovable & less desirable, ironically porn is a way to avoid feelings of loneliness if that makes sense to you?
**FM’s words ring true, if you have a loving relationship you probably wont even think about porn let alone need or want it. Thank You to FM thats a great story my friend, good wishes too you too.
Alan.
It’s interesting to hear someone say that the porn addiction was a substitute for a relationship and then offer up hope that there is someone out there who will love you. My husband is a pornography addict and, over the past three years, I’ve given him my heart and soul. I’m a highly attractive woman (suprisingly, much more attractive than the skanky amateur porn stars he seems to like so much), and I’ve never withheld sex from him once. Even when I found out about his addiction, I told him I would stand by him as long as he got into recovery. Well, my love wasn’t enough for him and he decided to let me leave rather than give up the porn. Now, after three months of separation, he still refuses to get into recovery and is now talking about a divorce. That’s how important the porn is to him.
Hello Margaux,
Thats an extremely painful story you’ve shared with us, its very sad for you as you clearly have given a great deal of time, & effort & loving to your husband & as you have indicated it wasn’t enough in the end. Its even more tradgic for your husband who is clearly stuck in his chronic obsessions with Porn. YES! the sad truth is that some of us men definitely do get very deeply stuck on their porn habits, yes! this can indeed as you have shown end in tradgic circumstances. This is the collateral damage done by porn & even more sad because your husband clearly cannot see what he’s doing or what a lovely person his actual flesh & blood wife is (lovely as a person not just physically attractive alone).
**If your husband cannot see the depth of his obsessional habits that’s his problem and perhaps you are correct to move on. May be after some time has past your husband will wake up from his comatos state and realize who & what he has lost. He alone is responsible for his use of porn so don’t blame yourself either, I doubt its your fault at all.
Kind Regards Alan
(recovering ex-porn user).
i too was married to a porn addict who refused to give up the porn for our marriage. as a result i eventually left him as i could not stand the pain of this emotional abuse – and abuse is what it is because that is how it feels to a wife.
as well as the porn addiction howerver my husband was emotionally, psychologically and at times physically abusive also so me and our young children walked on eggshells around him and I didn’t dare answer back when he locked me out of the house as he watched porn each day. Sometimes we were locked out for ages. When we weren’t locked out of the house we were locked out of rooms in the house.
Eventually I did leave him thanks to help from organizations like Counseling Services and the Police. However as time went on he went on to sexually abuse our kids according to their own disclosures, and later served time for offending against another minor. I believe this was a result from his porn addiction. Even the family court judge at the time of separation refused him unsupervised access to the children until he had received counseling for porn addiction. Of course this counseling was never taken seriously by him.
In my case porn ruined a marriage, took away three childrens innocence and saw my husband’s name added to the internet sexual offenders list.
Jamie bond