porn free masturbation - yes or no?
hi folks
i'd like to start a discussion on what you all think about quitting porn either by completly stopping masturbation all together (at least for a short while) or continuing to do so. i myself have gone a week again without looking at porn and i have allowed myself to masturbate this time. i so far have had no urges to go back to viewing porn. i do masturbate however to porn memories with my own added fantasies. will this slow me down in my goal to regain my natural libido or can it help? is there much of a difference between fantasising over porn images in my head and watching porn itself? one thing i do find is the orgasm is nowhere near as strong so maybe i am masturbating on a healthy level without the massive dopamine fix created by clicking through loads of images and watching videos.
i'd really like to know how others in the same boat as me have tackled this.
its extremely important that i can gain my libido and have the self confidence and desire to approach women hopefully ending up having sex if this is what it leads to. right now although i do fancy woman i just cant see me getting it up. there are a couple of girls around me at the moment who i really like. there is 1 girl who i have thought about asking out for over a week but i can never build up the courage. im really worried that i cant naturally get a healthy erection with her . i need to get past this thing i have fancying girls without really wanting to sleep with them.
thanks
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Hi geordie30,
Your making a good effort to combat it! Well done!
I personally think that Masturbation without Porn is the same with Porn, especially if your still fantasising about porn. Porn is the same whether it’s on a screen or in your head.
I think masturbation should be off limits. I know not releasing for so long can have effects on the body, but at the end of the day I’m a happier person because of it.
Whatever works for you...
I agree, masturbating to porn
I agree, masturbating to porn on screen, in your mind or otherwise is probably the same thing and will not help you recover as much. The fear of not getting it up - erectile dysfunction is all related to porn. I don't believe masturbating without porn is the same as with porn however i.e. imagination since that's what our last generation has done. Your doing well Johnsmith to keep masturbation off-limits altogether and I'm guessing you have been fighting this battle for a long time. Well done.
Yes
Hi geordie30,
In my view, masturbation while kicking the porn habit is absolutely fine. It relieves stress and helps you reconnect with your own body and sexual response.
But JohnSmith makes a valid point - it has to work for you. If you find that it leads you back into monster porn sessions ("just a quick look to get me in the mood") or you invest all that time you used to spend viewing porn into masturbating, it probably needs a rethink.
Taking an initial break from masturbation helps our erotic response to rebalance. Two weeks is often a baseline recommendation. Then we can see how it goes from there. Masturbating without the stimulus of porn helps us to rediscover choice too. We can take or leave porn, even when we're alone and horny.
When it comes to memories and fantasy, I think it's realistic to expect some porn thoughts to bubble up. So our brain has filed porn scenes under 'turn on', along with memories of previous partners and real experiences. I wouldn't worry about that; again, if it doesn't produce overwhelming cravings to rewatch those scenes or invest hours seeking out new porn... you're in control and choosing what you get off to.
hmm that's an interesting point about orgasm strength. Yep it's possible that you're missing the dopamine rush at some level. But it does take time for our systems to recalibrate. Porn-free orgasms won't always be like that, I assure you.
ps. Ever heard the porn addiction advice that says masturbation is only OK if you think about your partner? That is NOT realistic advice in my book ;)
Thank you Richard, but I’ve
Thank you Richard, but I’ve only been off it for 10 days (my 11th morning in a hour and a half). Long story short; I was spending too much time orgasming (at least 3-5 times a day) and now I’ve got things planned.
Personally I can emphasise your struggle geordie30. I used to try things like what you’re doing but they didn't work for me. I felt like I was lying to myself.
Sexual Release gives off chemicals that your body wants. Its natural to want them, but it seems like your Porn (either on screen or off) is the stimulant for that. To break off your addiction, I would personally try and replace the stimulant (exercising and etc).
I’m not belittling your efforts! It takes a lot of courage to try and start breaking an addiction (I’m still trying too...), but I think you should go further...
Well done geordie30
for me, masturbation is fine.
for me, masturbation is fine. i dont do it in front of porn now and yeah i have all these porn thoughts and ideas especially as i get close to orgasm (sorry about the detail hehe). at that point im like "yeah i wanna try doing that" or "im going to go on a contact site again". just so much porn hanging around in my imagination. BUT as soon as ive orgasmed it just evaporates an i realise that i was just horny and fired up, like i dont want to do all that stuff after all.
my mind is clear then and i can go through the day without thinking about porn - nice. if id been using porn i would have downloaded a lot more crap and gotten all excited and wasted big part of the day, leaving me feeling drained afterwards. so getting off without the porn is seriously better for my health.
In Moderation
Think of it as letting off steam. When the pressure is building up it can help you clear your mind and relieve the stress a bit. But if you're doing it too often, then it's just another symptom.
Use it to take the edge off of your stress then go out and do something productive.
See my recovery journal
See my recovery journal... 3 month recovery program.
I allowed masturbation in my plan because I believe cold turkey to porn and masturbation is more likely to result in relapse than just going cold turkey to porn but allowing masturbation (at least for me, my plan was not designed for other people in mind but it can obviously be used by anyone who wants to). I'm a believer in breaking the recovery down into simpler more realistic steps that can be achieved. I also don't believe masturbation is wrong. I believe it can be healthy as long as it doesn't get out of control for you. Cold turkey to porn and masturbation, in my opinion, is just running into a brick wall trying to get to the other side without seeing the ladder right next to you. I failed so many times going cold turkey to porn and masturbation. I decided to allow myself to masturbate to relieve the urges and ween myself off the connection to porn and masturbation. I am on day 76 porn free and I haven't masturbated to porn memories in about 50 days. It depends on the person but allowing masturbation to whatever memories I had for the first week was ok. I began then focusing my thoughts on my girlfriend to transition into a more monogamous thought pattern. Things just seem to fall into place once I got off of porn and the urges for it. I look at this addiction as a chemical addiction resulting in an attachment to porn to get that same high. Going completely sex/masturbation free was too big of a jump. Masturbation (not too porn) made the transition easier as I could still get the "high" but to a lesser degree, eventually lowering my urges for porn to zero now. Sex urges are still there but I haven't had an urge for porn in about 45 days. I masturbate a lot less now than I used to but I enjoy it and it doesn't take control of my life when it was combined with porn. At the end of the day you have to do what works for you but I know my approach worked great for me. Day 76! The devil is always at the door though. It's a lot easier now but I have to keep my guard up. I don't want to go back to that life.
thanks for all the replies. i
thanks for all the replies. i think for now i am going to continue to masturbate without porn. i agree with jjchenango in regards to the chemical buzz of watching porn and im hoping for a similar transition towards finding more vanilla ideals more exciting. today is 11 days porn free. i had a slight urge today that i didnt act on. I think that was because i had a few pints last night and lying in bed with a hangover has always been a porn cue for me. i certainly think the k9 software has helped me too.
My girlfriend is not vanilla
My girlfriend is not vanilla.....lol. I know you don't mean anything by it but I get what you say. Masturbating without porn is difficult because it's not as exciting. I wouldn't call it vanilla implying its plain. For me, it's just deepening my attachment (thought wise) to someone I have deep feelings fore. Nothing vanilla about that. In fact, it only makes me grow closer if I focus on her (if I cannot be intimate with her due to being away from her or something).
My girlfriend is not vanilla
My girlfriend is not vanilla.....lol. I know you don't mean anything by it but I get what you say. Masturbating without porn is difficult because it's not as exciting. I wouldn't call it vanilla implying its plain. For me, it's just deepening my attachment (thought wise) to someone I have deep feelings fore. Nothing vanilla about that. In fact, it only makes me grow closer if I focus on her (if I cannot be intimate with her due to being away from her or something).
WORK IN PROGESS
Hello everybody,
As you guess i am also dealing this masturbation habbit,,,,, it was nice until i realize how harmful it can be,, honestly speaking the longest i have been able to stay "clean" is 8 days,, actually the fact that I decided earlier that helped me out!! how come? you might be asking, well the answer is the following:
everytime i thought " Oh my God,,, I will never be able to masturbate again" i ended up masturbating with tons of porn in order to relief the anxiety that triggerd that thought. so I decided to change the thought
"all right lets make it for just one week and then I WILL UNLEASH THE BEAST MUAJUAJUA" and that kept me off porno and masturbation for one week, for the whole week I had the urge of "humping" anything, which is ok beacause i masturbated so much and so hard that regular porno wasnt enough so I started to think that i was becoming gay (nothing wrong with being gay) but having doubts of being gay or straight caused me tons of stress (I actually was going crazy becaus of the porn adiction and the HOCD), so the fact of feeling horny around women and wanting to "hump" them was very conforting (nevertheless if i feel like having sex with guys i will do it and i wont feel shame).
So wednesday came (the 8th day) and I felt so horny that i thought "what the heck i need no porn" so i started to remember my ex girfriends and i had an orgasm, It didnt feel like heaven on earth but i ejaculated so much that i felt relaxed, it was ok!
Now my new goal is to wait for two weeks!!!! and if i start feeling like i cant control it,, my bet is to distract me with no matter wath to keep my right hand off my pennis!! WHISH ME LUCK!!!
I will keep you updated guys!!!
Ps: I read somewhere that when we masturbate on a constant basis we get used to the strong preassure of our hand that when we actually have intercourse the "vagina" doesnt feel tight enough so we start to become senseless,,, any comments about that? i dont know if its truth and i will appreciate if you share your thoughts
Intercourse
I agree with the problem with intercourse. Very seldom can I have intercourse and have an orgasm inside my wife because of my masturbation habits. I talked to a urologist and he said you need a certain amount of friction inside a vagina. Your hand gives too much. I feel ruined and have tried to overcome this habit for 20 years. I am new to this site and I hope to have this be the start of my journey to kick my porn and masturbation addictions.
Seriously well-done
Seriously well-done jjchenango, that’s an inspiration for us all. Keep it up, well not literally! That’s the approach I want to take myself.
Georgie30, give it a go without the porn and your feedback may help so many of us. I agree that two weeks is a good aim something that Jason mentioned but I am yet to reach that point myself. Something interesting that you said geomaru, that porno wasn’t enough for you etc., I have often felt a pressure on myself possibly from peers that masturbating to porn proved to myself that I’m straight etc. but being a secretive subject naturally meant that I spoke less of real woman around men. Today after a week in work, two weeks or so off porn the porn thoughts tried to get into my mind and I know not to delay the urge or that’s the path I will go, I have too many other things I actually want to do tomorrow ☺
nearly 3 weeks
well tomorrow is 3 weeks without porn. i have masturbated regularly during this time to porn thoughts. i had no porn urges with this for the first 2 and half weeks but im now finding the 'thoughts' harder to visualise. over the last few days things have become less exciting. i am feeling run down from work anyway so this might be part of it. last night and tonight i have had a few urges. thinking about what new stuff could be about. i have successfully managed the urges and not allowed myself to look at porn. i think if masturbating without porn becomes more difficult i'll stop masturbating for a while and see what happens.
Nice!
Nice work! I have been clean for about 3 weeks and only masturbating once a week, I have deleted all Porn from my computers, for me it has been really hard because I am starting to feel the urge everytime i see any kind of sexual content in any tv series or movies.
I have also discovered that everytime that i feel stressed out I start feeling the urge as well and i get erections very often, it is hard not to masturbate because now I dont even need to imagine stuff to masturbate and get a nice orgasm (not the best of the best, but they are getting better) I just start touching myself and there you go.
I believe that not masturbating is very important, last time I did it was the 23 of aougust, and my goal is to do it again the 6th of septmber (2 weeks) wish me luck.
Keep up with the good work!!
deja-vu
well that was another 2 weeks that wasnt. the mobile has been there and i simply couldnt help myself. i feel as though im back at square 1. im going to list how i have felt so far on my journey and to try and take learning points and positives out of my journey so far.
1. i know i feel better and i look at women differently when i dont watch porn.
2. my life is empty and im becoming really joyless. for a while i have just got on going to work and found socialising difficult and a pain.
3. i've been stuck in a rut for a long time that i just havnt been able to get out of it. despite wanting to move on from my job i have found safety in the routine of it and im not looking at applying for some jobs that have come up at work - i feel as though im getting dangerously close to crossing the line and getting myself in trouble too.
4. despite reading the PGO guide and other related online material such as the brain on porn etc i still cant focus long enough to realise that too much porn is having a negative effect on me. between 5pm and the time i go to bed i have nothing else to do. i work out 2-3 times a week and play five a side once a week and i still have major time on my hands.
5. i have major body issues that wont go away - i spend quite a bit of time looking at myself naked in the mirror - mostly i feel better about myself after and i realise im in good shape (think my penis is too small though) - mentally though i dont feel i can be accepted
6. i have performance issues and i dont think i will be able to get it up if i can get a girl into bed with me and i feel like im no fun.
ive now resorted to leaving my phone in my car overnight to try and avoid temptation. this leaves me further isolated - its not as if i get messages or calls mind.
this is my 4th or 5th go this year and i need to stop and move.
sorry if this long winded and sounds like a whinge - i suppose it is. im feeling fed up and need to write this stuff down.
cheers for reading
on the right track
i posted the above on fri and its now tues evening. reading back on my post i was pretty pissed off and feeling sorry for myself. i didnt really list any of my learning points.
i have found on my two previous attempts to quit - one was over a week and one was 3 weeks that the more softcore stuff becomes a lot more appealing and exciting when i have had a break. i suppose it will be due to my brain getting closer to normal. i think on the one hand this is a good sign as it shows recovery and if i can go longer i hope i can get the same excitment from the plenty of woman out there available. on the other hand though i think it is a big trap being laid for me to fall into. thoughts will enter my mind such as 'surely i can watch this', 'this isnt bad', 'this is normal'. once i justify this behaviour it will be no time at all until i find this stuff less exciting and will be looking for the harder stuff.
i think i have also identified that i find the novelty of something being new very exciting. one site i used to visit would always update on a friday night. i am also aware that a dvd i have been looking forward too has recently come out with one particular girl and i have been tempted to look just to see this update and then leave it. i am finding i need to see what she gets up to just as exciting as seeing the action itself and this is a big part of the turn on for me. i think this part of my behaviour is the hardest to break but now i have admitted to myself that maybe it isnt healthy i can tackle it head on.
i have left my ps3 lead in the car and tonight as i was getting urges i have again left my phone in the car. i installed k9 software on my laptop july 27th and have had no porn on the laptop since. this has enabled me to form new patterns of behaviour as i sit with my laptop on my bed so mammoth porn sessions with this are over.
i downloaded a quitting porn hypnotherapy session on fri night and have found it really good. its helpling me to subconciously see porn as the thief that it is and improve my resistance.
i have not watched porn now for 4 days and last masturbated on sunday. tbh im starting to think masturbating to porn thoughts is not a good idea but i really dont know what to masturbate too. i have masturbated since the age of 14-15 to page 3 girls in newpapers to girls in lads mags, to the fit birds in films, onto porn pics on slow internet, to porn pics on fast internet to then litteraly having the whole porn world at my fingertips in seconds and being able to watch whatever took my fancy. i'll see how it goes
That makes three of us
I'm also three weeks off the porn give or take a day or two geordie30 and geomaru so we are all in the same boat :) Like you geordie30 I have masturbated regularly well once a week at least and just got the same thoughts as you today as to what the new stuff might be like but I tried to push them out as soon as possible. Like the movie Inception, a thought seems to be like a seed and if accepted you’re screwed. These thoughts have been building so I will have to masturbate without porn very soon. geomaru, I am planning to masturbate every two weeks like you as a goal but for the moment if it means staying off the porn I'd have to do it sooner. Let's see long we can keep this going!
That makes four of us :)
Cheers, fellows, I'm completely new on this forum!
I've read this entire topic and I recognize so much, so much... I've just posted my own recovery journal (Tranquils Journal) and I am now trying to get aquainted with this forum.
I am currently on day 28 without porn and on day 12 without masturbation. But it sure ain't easy :) :(. I have masturbated twice this month as I couldn't go completely cold turkey, and for this I allowed myself to be partly inspired by porn memory, even though I think it shouldn't have to be so. Currently I'm struggling with myself on a day-to-day basis, and I am very determined to break the one month barrier, and continue further. This will be a record for me, and I want to go much further than that. However, I feel I can't drop masturbation completely at this point, but I will definitely soon try a 2 week masturbation celibacy as suggested.
What's positive I that I do not have any porn in any form stored anywhere at all anymore. It's all gone. I was - like so many others - something of a hunter/gatherer, and this wasted SO MUCH of my time. Really ridiculous, but now I see clearly that this was part of the addiction. I enjoyed collecting, not the collection, and that's a big difference.
So now it's just me against myself, with a computer and an internet connection. And I am determined to see this man win over the machine. Yes, there are now lots and lots of new porn out there that I'm missing, but do I care? No! Why don't I care? Because I now understand it's a neverending story. And I don't want to be a part of that story anymore - that story leads to nowhere. I have a life to live. A new life.
So keep up the fight, fellows! And let us fight together! Sincerely yours.
Welcome Tranquil
I was very interested in what you had to say there and so many of it relates to all of us. Yes this two weeks celibacy is tougher then it seems. I’ve been feeling the porn thoughts coming back after nearly a month off approx myself, a battle with oneself. I can relate so much to your statement, enjoying the collecting, not the collection. This is actually what’s trying to push me back but like you said it’s a never ending story. It’s tougher to masturbate to imagination but It’s far healthier. You like all of us have a new life to live without this, as I like to think a life facing reality. I personally need printed notes to warn me and a planned schedule and although a part of me misses getting lost in the void of collecting this stuff it sure is a waste of time. I’m keeping up the fight for freedom too.
It's getting tougher
I have to say I've been getting images of porn sites and thoughts popping into my mind more often now. Even if I push them out with an image of an attractive girl I seen for real it can pale in comparison. Luckily I've been busy these days but it's like I'm being urged to see the latest stuff on the web! I’ve noticed this before that anything that causes sufficient stress triggers it like an escape route. My confidence has increased not looking at it though with girls I think. How are you coping Tranquil / geomaru and geordie30?
I have failed
I was going really good but las week I had a very stressful proyect at my office that didnt go well, so I decided to watch some TV in order to relax, while I was changing channels I got into a movie where a couple was making love, nothing like porn because it was just a movie and they didnt show anything explicit, maybe just the boobs of the girl and thats it,,,, suddenly I lost control, I started to touch myself and then masturbating without completing 1 week, I HAD SUCH A STRONG ORGASM, and since then I have been tempted to surf the web and to get lost in porn so I can experience the same orgasm once again,, I havent done it though but I feel like a loser, I couldt resist a normal tv movie with some erotic content, I have been dreaming very erotic dreams and it has been really hard for me the couple of days, thanks God i have been very busy but I feel back to square one,, so I am forcing my self to be always with someone else to avoid temptation.
Nevertheless (for me this is a big topic) gay thoughts have been fading and I am getting really good erections when being fooling around with girls!! I do not have the urge of watching gay porn or straight bdsm or dominatrix (nothing hardcore), in some way I also feel good because such a soft vanilla scene from a regular movie got me a extremely good orgasm.
Tomorrow will be one week since I masturbated and as the days go by, as you say, anything that causes sufficient stress triggers it like an escape route, I do not know what to do, so i have been thinking to move it to the next steo and that is to have real sex in order to relief my urge..... in some way or another the anxiaty is pushing me to make moves with girls (but I suck at it)
I hope to keep hearing from you guys and any feedback from my experience its really appreciated
It sounds like your doing
It sounds like your doing really well geomaru. You resisted all the same and are keeping busy. I think woman in my company have noticed my anxiety too and it’s hard to not check them out but at least their real. The porn thoughts keep pushing on me however like a full on force. Let us know how you get on with the girls?!
I couldn't help myself but
I couldn't help myself but look at some sexy stuff last night (soft stuff) and masturbated to it a bit but I was happy to see that I got bored quick and unwilling to waste too much time. I also know that completion feels much better with imagination. I know minor setbacks are part of the recovery just like waiting to eat Chocolate after fasting etc. I’ll keep trying.
Good to see u all
hi guys I joined recently and i have all the problems that u guys have like
My addiction changing from normal to fetish to live cams and now ive joined
The friendfinder stuff now after joining here I've started trying but failed on the first day now aim trying to start again I workout regulary so trying yoga and cardio from today if u have another suggestions keep posting.
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