Why cold turkey doesn’t work – by Alan

The main reason why trying to quit porn by going cold turkey doesn’t work is this: if you suddenly stop using porn, it provokes withdrawal feelings. These feelings can become so overwhelming, they are counter productive.

The underlying issues or feelings which lead to porn reliance have not been dealt with, and a sudden stop is a shock to the system. The unconscious self struggles to deal with the break in routine, and a rebellion mindset sets in. And when we give in to this inner conflict and slip back to porn, we beat ourselves up over our weakness or lack of willpower. We write ourselves off and the old habit resumes its control.

Now to stop or end a porn obsession, a better approach is to gradually reduce the frequency of using porn. Why does this work? Because it helps us to slowly start to feel and face the underlying, original causes of our porn obsession.

For example, porn delivers a strong ‘numbing’ effect. And when we stop feeling numbed, we might start to feel our real sense of loneliness, or a sadness which we might have been avoiding or running away from. It could be that we are trying to avoid feelings like anger or even rage. Whatever the real feelings are, facing up is tough. It takes real courage to undertake challenge; honestly facing ourselves and the real issues. When the underlying issues are healed or resolved, my belief is that the porn obsession can slowly fade away. We give ourselves permission to detach from old rituals and routines.

I’d like to touch on one more common misconception about overcoming a porn habit. When you give up using pornography, you don’t have to give up on your own sexual fantasies. You don’t have to give up on sex or self pleasure. Yes, I’m including masturbation here.

A recovery plan may mean a break from these activities; a rebalancing process for your sexual feelings and responses. But this is a step in the recovery journey, and certainly not a permanent limitation of  your sexual self.