It struck me recently that this website, and the issues that it covers, can sometimes make for grim reading. Loneliness, self-hatred, hopelessness… all common themes when we’re discussing the realities of porn addiction. By acknowledging these harsh realities, we can begin to find a way out of the despair and compulsive routines. It’s an unavoidable part of recovery.
With this in mind, I’m aware of the importance of keeping the whole issue in perspective. I wanted to post a reminder that not everyone who looks at porn has a problem - the vast majority of porn consumers are certainly not addicted. They are mainly regular guys, whether their partners approve of their porn activity or not.
Then I stumbled across an advice video that makes the point rather well. It’s just one of several articles on askdanandjennifer.com covering guys and porn. I’m not 100% behind every point they make, but they do seem to handle the issue in an open and positive manner.
So this isn’t a green light for porn addicts to deny that they have a problem. This is an attempt to clarify the difference between a regular porn watching guy, and an addict who relies on porn to avoid intimacy or escape some issue in his life. It is also an encouragement for anyone who is concerned about their porn habit, or their partner’s habit, to approach the problem with positivity.
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Hi Jason,
Thanks for the kind words, glad you liked the article. And I appreciate your approach to actually helping people identify the problem - and knowing if it’s an addiction. It’s definitely open and “reasonable”, not the fundamentalist approach so many people take that really doesn’t help anyone.
Also, check out this article (and Video) we have on porn and addiction that’s somewhat relevant here as well.
Have an awesome day!
Dan
Hi Jason,
YES! nice video and I definitely agree with you that its important to try to maintain some degree of perspective on Porn Use. As someone who has struggled with my porn use over many years, I have to admit that I have an addictive trait in my personality. Meaning that I probably couldn’t use porn without it becoming an obsession or compulsion.
HOW TO STOP!! using porn. Well my advise to other people is very simple. If you use porn and you end up later feeling bad, depressed, feeling down or despairing. Just try to NOT repeat your use of porn and see how that feels in contrast. In other words the proof that using porn makes you feel bad is in your own behavior. If using porn hurts you try not using it and see how you feel and if you want to feel good about yourself you can & its a simple choice. Don’t repeat the behavior that makes you feel bad. That’s what I discovered, that I just didn’t want to go on in my life feeling bad about myself. It is a choice at some level, a choice at a non judgmental kind of level.
Alex
Hi Dan - thanks for the feedback, and the porn addiction article link. You guys have a great site - knowledgeable and refreshingly entertaining. I’ll be visiting some more!
Hi Alex - really good to hear from you
I completely agree with your point. Addiction can make us feel so exasperated, we lose sight of the simple truth of what we are doing to ourselves, over and over again. A recovering addict often feels intense self-achievement after just a couple of clear days. Recovery is about building on this motivation, step-by-step, into the long term. As you say, we always have a choice.
Hi Again,
The main thing is that I think we have to be extremely careful with labels like Porn Addict or Porn addiction. I wouldn’t call myself a porn addict as such but I do see myself as someone who is extremely vulnerable to falling into the trap of using porn. Using it for what appears to be all the wrong reasons, so called comforting, or numbing myself out when faced with emotional stresses.
I’m trying to stay away from porn as much as I can at present, and as I have been reasonably successful I haven’t even found myself thinking about sex or indulging in my usual fantasies either. I am having some measure of success just letting go, & to be honest its a relief finally too.
**I think the real challenge is how I may handle future emotional stresses? i.e. trying not to falter & fall back into old habits. I hope I’m strong enough to resist this but time will tell I guess. Right now I’m feeling so much more positive than I have for quite some time.
I don’t think labels are very helpful, why? because we can easily get hung up on the concept or notion of being an “addict” and the concept of being sick or having some serious problem. I think labels can have the potential to get in the way of facing the behavior.
Alex.