Porn Addict. 2 years of Secrecy
VERY recently, my boyfriend (14 years of age)(Im 15) has told me about this addiction of his. Porn. He hasnt recently told me what kind of porn or anything besides;
i was the 2nd person he told
he hasnt told his parents
he used to do it all the time before we dated
he does it once a week-average
he is ashamed of it
and he does it more often when we fight.
He started it 2 years ago, and hasnt stopped since
My boyfriend seemed like, well... not the kind of guy to do this. and im the kind of girl who just doesnt put up with it! Im really worried about it. We have been best friends for 3 years, and he neglected to tell me until 8 months after we started going out. When he told me, he wasnt happy with himself, i convinced him to tell his parents the first chance he gets. But as for me i was absolutely torn to pieces. he was a well-behaved, mature for his age christian boy. I understand middle school can pull people into things like that. but to have an addiction during a strong, burning relationship like ours, and to not STOP? Is something wrong with me? What can i do to help him? Its hard to handle the news, happening to someone you love so much. i want to help any way i can. nothing is off limits. i dont want him looking at such things! help!
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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is he addicted?
hiya codys guardian. i'm not saying there isn't a problem if yr boyfriend watches porn and feels bad about it, or you don't like him doing it. i just wonder if this is an addiction problem, or he feels bad for doing something that most 14 year old boys do, probably more than once a week.
there's nothing wrong with you, that's for certain. he looked at porn before you dated so it's not you. whether he should tell his parents or not kind of depends on what they are like, what their reaction is likely to be, etc. will they understand and talk to him about it or judge him and make matters worse?
if he still feels like he has an addiction, you can help but you can't fix him. he should come on here and get talking, learn more about the problem and that will help with the shame. from a guy that has a real addiction to porn, trust me on this!
It's not your fault.
He's not doing porn because he thinks your not attractive enough for him. If he has been going out 8 months with you then he certainly likes you. I've been in the same situation you have except where I'm the boyfriend. Another thing you should know is almost every goody-two-shoe boy looks at porn secretly. Its an epidemic spreading through out middle-school aged boys. But nevertheless, porn is
The best thing you can do is support him in his fight against porn. I'm 14, been doing it 2 years, I'm a Christian too, and I hate it every time I do it. I've only told my girlfriend (now-ex) about it and haven't told my parents yet. My Gf told her best friend about it who told other people - THAT DID NOT MAKE ME HAPPY. Do not tell anyone about it unless he wants you too. Don't even tell him he has a week to quit porn or else you'll start telling people. That'll just make him tell you he stopped, while he really starts doing it more and starts hating you more.He probably masterbates out of boredom, depression, or loneliness, or because it has turned into an addiction of lust. To be honest, I haven't quit porn yet, but I'm starting to think I can do it now.
My plan, and my suggested plan for him:
- It typically takes 21 days to start or break a habit, but for porn this is a completely different story. Porn is not a regular physical habit. You have to solve the problem behind the porn.
-I've read other things saying porn is from depression, rejection, or lonliness, that may be true, but I just think the major thing is LUST. It's natural for a boy to lust after women - If this didnt happen, there'd be less cause for sex/reproduction. However, as he and you I assume are Christians, you know that sex should only be when your married. Sex is between man and wife, not between bf and gf or a boy with his computer. Have him pray about it, read the bible about it, read this website, talk to people about it. The best thing you can have when quitting an addiction is support from all friends and family. The final thing to stop his porn addiction, is when he's ready, tell his testimony to friends and family. It's hard, i don't have the guts to do it yet, only 1 of my friends and my dad has. But when you hear stories of people quitting porn, other addicts realize that its possible to break the addiction, and quit themselves, telling others, and making it easier for others to quit.
While he is solving the root problem of his lust and perversion, have him use a website blocker (I use a website blocker app on Google Chrome - I think its called "StayFocused", I'd recommend it). If he is being tempted at all, just walk up quickly to the computer with no second thoughts. And yank the internet and/or power cable off, and then go read the Bible, pray, or do homework. The best way to not give into temptation is to avoid the temptation. The Bible says to run away from all temptation.
He is not alone is his addiction. He can break free of it. Hopefully, me and him can finally break through. Now, more than ever, I believe I can stop the addiction, by just making this post on a forum.
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