Please help me I'm 15 y/o guy porn addict

It's a Sin

Submitted by Nate Baseley on Mon, 31/10/2011 - 07:08

Hey Joshua,

Thanks for posting your story and sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable about your situation. I hope I can offer a new perspective for you.

Firstly let me draw a distinction between porn and masturbation because they are not the same issue. It's quite possible to masturbate without porn using your own fantasies or perhaps reading erotic stories. Some would count sex chat lines as porn, others wouldn't, but they are there in the mix too. In my opinion you are welcome to identify porn as something you wish to avoid (we'll come onto that), but to avoid masturbation as well makes it an incredibly tough challenge, particularly at 15.

If you study scripture you'll know that there's no explicit command against masturbation and as far as I'm aware it's only the Jewish faith that teach against it, and even they make the connection between masturbation and not honouring your wife; in other words, if you're single, masturbation is ok. At 15 years of age, your body is converting itself into a reproductive engine and your hormones are changing you and getting you thinking about sex - this is natural and normal. If you believe that God gave you this body and created these systems then you have to believe that this is how he wanted you to feel.

Now some pastors will imply or state that masturbation is a sin, but if they do you should challenge them on their source. But I see even more cases where youngsters in the church assume it's a sin because they have been brought up to feel guilty about their bodies. Please don't feel guilty about your body or your body's natural processes.

Let's think about other sins, big sins such as lying or stealing or killing. Would you have described these in the same way - "I was just an innocent 10 year old when I got curious and murdered my friend". No, of course not. Even as young children our sense of right and wrong is pretty sharp - masturbation as 'sin' is manufactured.

My advice is that if it's not taking over your life (and you say you're not socially withdrawn, you're going good at school and sports, plus you've got your church life), then don't fret about masturbation. It's private, like going to the toilet, so you don't need to sing about it, but it's also NOTHING to be ashamed about.

Next - porn. So people have different opinions about this and really this site caters for guys and girls who develop habits and dependency issues around it. If you want to stop for moral reasons that's cool, but that should also be your decision. My advice is to use those fantasies in your head rather than porn. Do research on filters , parental controls etc. that you can use to stop yourself accidentally stumbling across it. You asked if there was a guide and Jason (who runs this site) has written a guide which is available from the home page.

Final point...it's really not ironic that you play piano in church and look at porn. There are hundreds and hundreds of posts online from church-going youth stressing about porn. And these are only the ones looking for help - how many are happily looking at porn and then going to church - more, I would assume. So I would think it would be unusual if you were one of those who hadn't looked at it. You're at such a special age where you're thirsty for new discoveries and porn offers so much. I respect your desire to stop it, and providing it's your decision and not some baseless dogma, there is good advice here and online to help.

Status: wishing you didn't feel so guilty.

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Thank you Mr. Baseley

Submitted by Joshua145 on Mon, 31/10/2011 - 22:20

First off, thank you for giving your time up to answer my post. I feel very greatful to have a response.

After looking at the guides I believe (and it is my absolute hope) that I will be able to defeat my porn struggles with the help of God.

Now about masterbating, I don't want to do anything dishorable to God and as you've said there is nothing in scripture that says directly "thou shalt not masterbate" but the only thing I'm wondering is the imagining fanticies while doing it, is that lusting? In the Bible it says that by so much as thinking of a woman in that way we lust in our hearts. I know this because I am about halfway (specifically at proverbs 7) through reading the bible , which is yet another reason I feel like a hipocrite. Anyways, is it still ok with this in mind? Also Ephesians 5:3 "among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity." and I don't believe it glorifies God which is our purpose does it?(it's somewhere in phillippians where it makes a list of all the things that glorify God). Furthermore, the holy spirit is supposed to bring conviction on us, even when I was 10 and had no idea what I was doing, I still attempted to hide it. Why? Because I would get in trouble for doing it right I thought it was bad (morally if a 10 y/o knew that word). Please don't take any of this as insulting, I just want to know for sure finally if it's a sin.

Thanks again, I want you to know that your post has really helped me and keep on helping young teens such as myself overcome their battles. Also, it made me think a lot (I read it in the morning but could't reply until now) I now fell a lot less guilty now that I remember all that I've read and that God will always forgive me.

Status: I'm determined to beat porn once and for all and am now feeling for some reason relived, thanks again =)

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Focus on You

Submitted by Nate Baseley on Mon, 31/10/2011 - 23:15

Hello again Joshua. Glad that my earlier post was of some value to you - please call me Nate!

I confess that I feel uncomfortable drawing out individual verses from the Bible to draw some conclusion about how any of us should be living our lives. You know the Bible was written by many different authors across a great time period. As such it contains anomalies, contradictions, opinions and analogy. For example, you take a verse from a letter written by Paul to the Ephesians at a very specific time, for a very specific purpose. Who's to say that every single verse applies to everyone in the world today when that was not its purpose?

Not convinced? How about this verse from Paul's letter to the Romans when he was (again) discussing lust. 1:27 "And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another". It wouldn't be difficult to support the objectification of women in pornography with Paul's view that their 'natural use' is to receive the lust of men.

No, no, no. If Christianity is your thing then you are better off treating scripture like waves on a beach; every time you read you allow the words to wash over you and leave an impression. What is truly important? Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment and he replied to love God with all your heart, the second, to love your neighbour as you love yourself. But if you don't love yourself because you're fretting about natural desires, urges and processes, then you're not living up to this commandment.

Here's the thing, you can't think that every moment of every day must glorify God - are you glorifying Him when you're sitting on the toilet? Are you glorifying Him when you're scratching your itchy balls? I'm sorry to be crude, but these are natural processes and if you believe it's the body that He designed, you have to believe that He wants you to scratch, crap and masturbate.

Sometimes you hear people say silly things like "If the Lord had intended me to fly, He would have given me wings" - they say this standing up in clothes, wearing make-up, driving in a car, wearing false teeth (or whatever), oblivious to the irony. Conversely we could say, if he hadn't intended me to masturbate, why did He make it feel so good and why does my penis fit my hand so perfectly? Think about it, He could have designed orgasms so that they only occurred when the penis came into contact with a chemical produced in the vagina - this would have eliminated masturbation in one go.

I know this is difficult when you're surrounded by moralising elders who quote the Bible like it gives them authority to dictate your private thoughts. It doesn't. This is your own journey and you can go wherever you wish.

So my advice from a Bible study point of view is to remember that it was a book of law, of philosophy, of history; all things that require interpretation. Don't make the mistake of pulling out individual verses, nor of assuming that every verse remains relevant today. Here's a good one from Deuteronomy about when it's ok to stone your children to death:

"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die."

And yet another book says 'thou shalt not kill'. Would you kill your son because he was rebellious and stubborn? The Bible says it's right.

Sorry, I know I've gone on a bit here but I'm trying to offer you a new perspective, one where you can accept who you are, how you feel, where you can love your body AND (if you wish) keep your religion all in harmony.

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You asked some specific questions. You asked if fantasising is lusting and therefore sinful. My opinion is absolutely not. Sex is beautiful and fantasising about exploring that with a woman is precisely where you need to be, particularly in contrast to looking at porn. Which do you think would be better, looking at porn, or imagining seeing the hot girl from the movie theater naked? Check out David's psalms if you want evidence of a holy man lusting - that stuff is positively steamy!

Is masturbation definitely a sin? Why would it be? My opinion? Absolutely not.

I'm really glad to have been able to help you, Joshua. Being 15 is not easy. It can be great fun, it can be exciting and scary too. But it's a time of experimentation, finding out who you are. Frankly it's down to you whether or not you use porn, if people judge you that's their problem, it's about how you feel, what's important to you. What I worry about is that you've piled on top extra worries about masturbation, about fantasy, and this makes the task impossible - you're trying to swim upstream.

I wish you all the best.

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Thank to soo much Nate

Submitted by Joshua145 on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 03:49

I can even begin to describe all you've done for me. You are truly making an impact on this generation's youth. Keep up the good work Nate!

Anyways, I've given much thought about and reread a few times what you've said and this is what I get out of it: I agree with it, I now see and understand that masterbation is a completely normal process that every guy goes through. Mabey it's God's way of saying "do this instead of premarital sex". Now I don't feel guilty but instead comfortable with masterbation. Also , regarding the fanticies, my main focus right now is getting over porn, fanticies should be the least of my worries and as you've said is something I should be doing instead of the other alternative (porn).
Also with the way I study the Bilbe this was a great reminder of how it should be read

You know, throughout the 15 years I've live I have, unlike most teens my age, not really been told what I believe. My father has been a hughe burden in my life , until recently anyways, and I've never had "moralizing elders" tell me whats right. In fact I never had "the talk" and I've never at Amy point in my life been told masterbation is bad. Instead and as of now, after reflecting on my life and our conversation,have always lived by my own code of ethics that I derived from reading scripture. Now I believe masterbating is ok and that getting over porn is sufficient for me. Also that fanticies are ok and that I will do my best to discern what the Bible has to say with the best of my ability, taking into account what you've said.

I cannot stress enough my thankfulness to you. Because of you, I feel soo relived of all the guilt I once carried. Like as if I finally dug out of the deepest hole one could imagine. Please keep on helping others like me, your not wasting your time, your really making a difference!

Please don't feel obliged to continue this thread. You've already put a lot of time (unless your a Bible scholar) to look up and defend yor points just to help me out.
Once again, I can't express my thankfulness toward you (I'd donate to you but my family has made a literal Income of $0.00 it's only by Gods grace I haven't starved to death) However, if you wish you may, I really appreciate it :)

Keep on helping others and now my beliefs are ok correct? Thanks!!

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Pleased to Help

Submitted by Nate Baseley on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 14:42

It's great to receive such positive feedback, thank you. I'm glad you found this site. You don't need to donate, but we always appreciate people contributing. Perhaps when you have some insight into cutting back on the porn, you can share that with other visitors. Good luck!

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Just to say... what an

Submitted by Jason on Tue, 01/11/2011 - 22:35

Just to say... what an intriguing and articulate post :) Nice one Nate, and good luck to you Joshua145.

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Good Post

Submitted by wooba on Fri, 04/11/2011 - 08:18

Yes, a good post here. I too am a christian, and having faith in the Lord makes viewing pornography all the more dispicable to me since I have tried (and failed) to keep this vessel clean for His use.

I pray you find freedom Joshua, but please don't be too hard on yourself in the process of realizing it. This is why the Lord Jesus came I believe, to show people like me that I am a sinner and that I cannot make the grade. That only He can, and that He will cover my sin with His own righteousness on that day. In the meanwhile I try my best, struggle on in my own inept way, and trust Him show me what He wants of me.

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