New member - need help - exhibitionist
I have tried stopping many times and finally realizing I can't do this alone. I never told anyone about my addiction. I feel ashamed, guilty, and helpless. I am 33 years old. Married to a wonderful woman that I love dearly. I never want to do anything to hurt her or jepordize our marriage, but I cannot make myself stop.
Sorry to be long winded, but here is my story and I need to get it off my chest.
I get aroused by posting naked and compromising photos of myself on the internet. It started just posting naked photos with no face. Then I got more bold and posted my face, but in a non aroused state. I later found a yahoo group where you post a photo that must show your face and erection. The group then reposts the photos wherever they like. I got the nerve up and it really turned me on knowing I had lost control of the photos. Not knowing where they would end up totally turned me on. Once that high wore off I got more bold and started posting photos with toys inserted in my ass or giving the toy a blowjob. This was a huge turn on because I am a straight male and the thought of being exposed in such a way. Now I am at the point where I have photos and videos being spread around the internet with my real name, email address, some even with my phone number. I have lost control of these photos and they turn up all over the place. Some of the photos even show up when you google my real name. The rush of someone I know more than likely finding the pictures is intense, but I at the same time freak out. It keeps me up at night worrying about it sometimes. I get cold feet and delete the pictures I find. Quit the groups, but in a few days I am back again.
I spent lots of time on webcams putting on shows for both males and females. I would do anything people asked to see. Some of these videos have been recorded and posted online. I think I have pushed my limits so much that it takes more and more to turn me on. I know have a fantasy to be forced into sexual acts with a male or group of males. I have a bondage fetish. A gay fetish. It has gotten to the point it is affecting my real sex life with my wife.
I know this unhealthy and dangerous for my marriage. I need help group!!
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
User login
Search
RSS Subscribe
Driven by fantasy
Hi Jimmy657,
Welcome to the forum. So we're talking about exhibitionism, humiliation and living on the edge... which is so easy to do through the modern wonders of the internet.
According to the theory, you're getting off to being the object of special focus. You're extremely gratified by the attention from unlimited anonymous onlookers. A reaction to feelings of disconnection and isolation, perhaps? That's often the case.
Harbouring feelings or memories of being neglected or ignored isn't sexy. It's a real block to sexual arousal and satisfaction. So pushing your exposure and humiliation fantasies into reality is an antidote. Finding the forums, groups and audiences says "I'm am deserving of special attention". Sexual excitement is allowed to happen, and it feels massively addictive.
Just a theory, of course. In order to get back in control, it's not essential to somehow remove the fantasies. They developed with some positive intent, and they are with you now. What you can do is learn more workable ways to manage and react to them. You've tried this already, I know, but deleting the images and memberships didn't work. That's ok - the method wasn't right, as every guy on this forum has discovered. It'll take some more groundwork, self-awareness and understanding. This isn't learned overnight, but is a process of commitment and change with challenges and setbacks along the way.
For starters, give yourself two weeks out of all this stuff. Read, talk, interact on here. Google "urge surfing". Above all, forgive yourself for taking these risks and figure out how you do want to live.
Post new comment