New here and looking for people that have kicked the habit

Submitted by motorin on Wed, 26/10/2011 - 17:05

motorin's picture

I have been trying to quit porn but have been really half-assed about it. I've had a porn problem since I was an adolescent. It was always a very private affair for me and has lead me to engage in some risky and embarrassing behavior. I am now married, have two small children, and have a fairly prominent career. My wife knows that I use porn and is not happy about it at all. It has lead to a significant reduction in our intimacy. There are certainly other personal issues I have that porn contributes to. I think part of me still thinks that porn is relatively harmless and I readily give in to these rationalizations when things get tough. I can go about 5 days and then I basically convince myself to give in. I know my life will improve but it is hard to give up my crutch.

I was hoping there was someone on this board that has actually given up porn. I'd like to hear how your life has improved because of it. This could really help me get motivated. I think I just need to talk to people about this. Thanks for the support.

I think it is helpful to see what type of porn you like. This may help you see an emotional need or worry you have. Maybe your wife can help you heal this need. You have to get the root of the problem.

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Feasting on pornographic imagery is not new to society but in its current abundance and variety it has led to massive abuse, and in many, a form of mind sickness. I'm sure there are couples out there that view moderate amounts of porn together and it stimulates their sex-life. You might call them kinky, or liberated, but these people are not here on the forum and they would never bother to come here. The people that come here are people like I once was. People who sit at their computers, hour after hour, downloading thousands of images and movies until their minds are saturated with it.

If a person wants to live completely alone, spending their free time stroking themselves while they collect gigabits of porn then that is a choice and will only affect them. But if they want to have a family, want the benifits of a normal relationship with other humans, then the practice of pornography will enevidably twist and destroy the relationships. It's a given, believe me. Porn isn't like playing squash with your mates, that's why we do it alone, in secret.

It helps me to believe that there is no right or wrong in these matters, there is just consequences. If you are prepared to live with the consequences of your actions, and you know what they are, just as I did. Then go ahead and continue as before. If conversely you want something better out of life then look hard at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself this.
"Is it really to my benifit to watch porn like I do? Has porn made my life better, or worse?"

You are your own judge, remember that, and if you decide, like I did, that porn is a degenerate waste of time and effort you will quit and revert back to what you were before. A young man in charge of his own destiny, free and able to look anyone in the eye without fugitve thoughts and a lie on your lips.
Good luck my brother, and wisdom to you in your decision. wooba.

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Thanks for the advice. I hope to hear from a few others.

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Hey motorin glad you came to the site. I certainly don't qualify as a person who has defeated this addiction. But, I do feel I have some advice that could help you in the wife department. I have been struggling with pornography for four years now. It has taken up a great deal of my time and my sense of self worth. I was always afraid to tell my wife. I feared she would be angry with me or even leave me. Finally one day about four months ago I decided i'd better quit this addiction seek help and tell my wife about the issues I was having. She of course was not happy with me in the slightest. In the weeks to come I could tell that she had become insecure about her physical appearence around me. I knew she felt she couldn't measure up to the pornstars on the internet. Two things helped me to get my marriage back on track with my wife. 1. Ask for her help in defeating this addiction. If she sees how sincere you are about wanting to stop and involve her in the process this will help your marriage exponentiallu. 2. Tell her how beautiful she is daily even if she is in her pajamas. After a while it will help her regain her security. Hope this helps. One more tid bit of advice before iI finish this up, You will fail along your journey to quiting. (I didn't think I would) You must remember to not beat yourself up, Just try your best to get better each time and keep positive. Good luck friend

Resolution4good

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Thanks for the reply Resolution. I am still working on kicking this out of my life. I appreciate the encouragement.

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thanks

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Hey there motorin. Good to see you here, as it means that you have the intention of making things right for yourself, your wife and kids.

My husband is a wonderful man, the best husband and a doting father, but he also shares your addiction. He didn't realise it, but things got out of control and let the porn win over our intimacy, and it almost ruined our marriage. Porn addiction can blind you, especially when you may be in denial, and not see what you could lose before it's too late.

Wishing you all the very best in kicking the habit and hope you can have a healthy and loving relationship with your wife and children.

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