Minimizing the Damage

I think everyone here knows what I mean when I say that I have tried to quit porn more times than I can count. As far as estimates go, probably well over a thousand times, and no, I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. I first viewed porn when I was 13, and I have been trying to quit ever since.

Quitting porn, or anything for that matter, is difficult when you have tried and failed so many times in the past. The more you fail, the less likely it seems that you will ever be able to succeed. I say to myself, "You've tried quitting hundreds of times before and failed, what makes you think you can actually pull it off this time? What makes this time different?" And honestly, the answer is nothing. Quitting this time won't be any different than it has been in the past. I could fail. In all probability I will. If I want to succeed though, and I do, I will have to try harder than I have in the past.

It's always been easy for me to justify looking at porn. I'm 21 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend. Never even kissed a girl. So really, who could blame me for looking at a little porn every now and then to make my life feel a little less awful? Everyone else my age is doing it, and many of them are even in good relationships.

The difference is that they seem to be fine with looking at porn. It doesn't bother them. But recently is has been bothering me that I no longer find nude women as stimulating as they once were. When I have real sexual experiences in the future, I want them to be meaningful. I don't want my idea of sex and love to be tainted by the porn I consumed so greatly when I was younger. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations, and feel disappointed when reality doesn't live up to pornographic fantasy. And who knows, maybe it's too late. Maybe the damage has been done. But it certainly can't hurt to quit now. And over time, it probably will get better. I once quit for a year, and I found that the desensitization had decreased significantly in severity when I eventually relapsed. Looking at porn after a year of abstinence from it was as exciting as it was looking at it for the first time. Maybe it could work for real life?

I've never felt that I am truly addicted to porn, but I certainly feel compelled to consume it. It's fun, it's exciting, and it gets me off. Like chocolate, I don't need to consume it, but I very much enjoy to. And just like chocolate, it would be quite difficult to just all of a sudden decide to stop, especially when you feel that you don't need to. I suppose I need to find some way of keeping my desire to quit porn greater than my desire to view it.