Is it possible to look at gay porn and not be gay?

by Jason on 20 July 2011

Jason's picture

Joe Kort answers a question often raised by distraught wives and girlfriends, and he's bang on the nail as usual...

4 comments

Hi
I have just found this website and have found its contents extremely beneficial to the hell I have been enduring in the past 2 months. Every waking day I have had to question my sexual orientation, which I have identified as heterosexual since childhood up until now (I am 27 years old). However, amidst all this, deep inside I knew I was heterosexual and had strong urges to be involved with women.

But this is where it gets complicated I believe I am currently suffering from HOCD, a recent break-up, and my porn-addictions. The culmination of the 3 have brought me to the brink of madness.

Here is the thing, I have always been active in sexual behavior, since I was a lil kid I loved to watch porn and to masturbate, I even remember watching the power rangers and masturbating thinking about “Kimberly – pink ranger”

Since very little I experienced the divorce of my parents, my whole family rejection towards my dad (loser, unfaithful, poor, etc) made me think that identifying myself with him would be a mayor mistake therefore my mother was the only parental figure in my family.

When becoming a teenager I really felt the urge of having a girlfriend and having sexual intercourse with girls, but I sucked at it and the fact that being bullied by others (I was the loser of the entire school) made it worse so I subconsciously started to hate myself for not having a girlfriend and then is when porn came to play, I became (I am still) so addicted to it that it became a 24/7 habit, even 3 or 4 times at day.

Finishing college (22 years old 2006) I had my first real girlfriend, she was perfect (eastern European, blonde, blue eyes, perfect body and loved sex) so we were like rabbits having sex everywhere and at anytime (happiest time in my life) but it all came to an end like any summer love does and depression became the rule, and since then I promised myself to never fall in love (pretty dumb idea).

Since then I have had other girls in my life and every time the relationship ends I go back to porn and the progression has been the following

Amateur porn -> hardcore porn -> bondage (I love this one) -> lesbian porn -> dominatrix
lesbian porn -> pegging (my favorite!!!) and finally gay porn.

I feel extremely threatened by gay people, the fear is not normal because it stresses me so much that I go in berserk mode and then depression and right now my selfteem is extremely low.

I have been thinking that maybe this gay porn thing is a manifestation way of craving for male bonding and craving for a male parental figure, I feel terrible when considering the idea of kissing or having sex other guys to the point I feel like puking, in the other hand the idea of masturbating with gay porn or girls on guys with a strap-on is a 100% erection.

Few months ago I decided to accept me as a gay person or bisexual but it didn’t bring peace as well, even my best friend (gay by the way) tried to hit on me when I was drinking and smoking some marihuana, I had to stand up and say an absolutely NO and it was one of my most disturbing experiences in my life.

I don’t know what to do, I felt very bad until this website made have some hope, what can I do? Porn is the only think that takes the edge off,, and now days gay thoughts and gay images are always invading the privacy of my mind.
Help!!

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Hi geomaru,

Welcome to the site! Cutting to the chase: you aren't gay.

Here's a link to the best article I've come across about HOCD - http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php

I see you've also posted on a forum thread, so I'll comment further on there.

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Hello Jason!

Thank you very much!!! i have been able to stay away from porn for two weeks and from masturbation one week,,, i am starting to feel aroused again by women and so far i have been able to have some really good fantasies abut them.

Gay people doesnt not make feel as bad as before,, they still make me feel anxiety and my heart starts to beat faster as my hands starts to sweat, but then i realize that it is all hocd taking control of me, i calm down and i feel better after that.

For so long I substituted talking to girls for masturbation out of fear of rejection that talking to a girl nowdays its been hard, i guess the lack of self steem its my mayor block, nevertheless the urge of having sex has made take the chance to go for it ,,, I still back down at the last minute out of being afreid of having bad perfomance or no erection at all so i am focusing on getting a real relationship where trust can be built.

I guess after all we are habitual people so it is going to take some time until i feel no stress for being close to gay people or having unwanted thoughts,,, the good news is that those unwanted thoughts are less everyday and i am starting to have more confidence.

I will keep you posted and i really want you to know that i feel very thankful for your comments and suport.

kindest regards

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Being a 27 year old male who have been suffering from porn addiction for nearly 15 years I can say that I have also had fantasies. Not fantasies about gay directly, but feminine shemale porn was a part of what i used to watch. The thing about this addiction is something i think many of us can relate to, the more porn we us the more extreme stuff we want to view. That's part of why we tend to seek more "untraditional" types of porn.

Each time i have been away from porn i don't really imagine myself with anything else than women. I always get turned on by fantasizing about women. Deep inside i always knew that I was heterosexual, I never had a problem being turned on by women in real life relationship ever since middle/late teens. the porn tend to put me into a trance which made me feel desensitized to real life attraction patterns. Real life sexual encounters can actually be somewhat disappointing because of what porn does with us.

From personal experience it's all about falling back to "planet earth". Once we get back to planet earth. In a matter of weeks my erections even return to normal after being away from porn.

I always questioned my orientation, but it was the porn parasite inside that played mindgames with me and still occasionally does.

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