Roadside porn addiction campaign misfires
2009 July 31
Billboards across the US state of Indiana are asking motorists to reflect on their relationship with pornography. It’s all part of a new ad campaign launched by cultural conservatism organisation The American Family Association of Indiana.
An innovative approach for sure, but I can’t help thinking that the message smacks of moralising and guilt-tripping. Maybe the US audience would be less likely to interpret it in this way.
Their interviewed representative raises some valid points, but I take issue with the rapist connotations of porn addiction. This really doesn’t help the cause.
Related posts:
24 Responses
leave one →
I know how emotive and frustrating this whole issue is. It’s...
No.1 First off I think you have to bear in mind that in America (USA) they have a very different cultural view point regarding porn & pornography.
No.2 US culture is influenced by a far far more moralistic mind set which is itself shaped by a deeply almost hysterical religious (fundamentalistic) culture. US culture is deeply conservative and moralistic.
No.3 US culture is at the same time as being very moralistic is highly hypercrictical given that the US is were the biggest porn production companies are based.
No.4 The US as a country (or series of countries) has a massive massive problem with online porn and porn addiction (porn obsessional use, porn dependency, porn complusion,etc). The US is a very deeply divided society when it comes to morality & the family yet such a high porn useage. Its paradoxical.
I heard recently (don’t know if this is true). That millions of US dollars that president Obama put forwards as a part of his wider economic stimulus package has gone to the IT & online industries only to end up boosting the profits of porn companies. I’m not sure if I totally beleieve this because if Obama found out I think he would be extreme annoyed and would put a stop too that pretty quickly. But the more cynical part of me finds that quite plausible. its just the sort of horrible thing that might well happen in the US.
As an American, I’ll say I agree with both of you, Jason and Alex. These types of billboards are often found in more rural parts of the United States, especially in the Bible Belt (the deep South). Though this is the first I’ve heard about billboards relating to porn, there are many roadside billboards relating to topics such as abortion, Jesus, “choosing heaven over hell,” etc. Though these billboards might speak to very right-wing Christians in the United States, they typically are a huge turnoff to the rest of the population. Which is a shame, because what’s being said about porn is true, but the method whereby it’s being communicated is alienating. Here in the U.S., the people who are typically speaking out against porn are typically the right-wing Christians I mentioned above or diehard feminists and the subject is being injected with a dogmatism that makes it difficult for the rest of us–especially the partners of porn addicts–to talk about how it’s a problem without feeling dogmatic and pathetic ourselves. The fear of sounding hopelessly uncool was what kept me from honestly and openly discussing my feelings about my husband’s porn use for a very long time.
Speaking as an American, I agree with the comments made here about many unhelpful billboards seen along the highways. As for this specific billboard, I think its actually one of the better ones out there (comparatively speaking). It poses a question and then a clear statement that strikes that the heart of how many women (religious or not) feel about their husbands’ or boyfriends’ use of porn make them feel. I get the impression more women than men will resonate with this billboard, and perhaps that is the aim.
It certainly is moralizing the situation, but then again it probably should be an issue that is raised (on a billboard? maybe). Many husbands, when they get married, take a vow to “love, comfort, honor and keep her, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her.” Men are not fulfilling the heart of this vow by habitually and unrepentantly looking at pornography. Speaking as someone who used to be entrenched in porn addiction, I know watching pornography brings nothing but dishonor to one’s wife.
Then again, as a Christian, I take a different attitude towards guilt than many others. I see guilt as a very positive thing as long as it leads to change and doesn’t become chronic. I’m not sure the value of billboards and pricking someone’s conscience, but I know many men should have their conscience pricked when it comes to matters like this.
Hi Luke,
I really liked what you had to say. But isn’t a part of the problem with the institution of marriage that it perhaps places rather unrealistic (idealistic) expectations on both men and women. How can anyone really be expected to live up to such unrealistic values, yes! such values may have been more relevant and even possibly easier to realize in days gone bye. But I think such expectations are not realistic or fully achievable in 2009?
**YES! I can certainly see the attractions of getting married if your religious minded but if marriage was such a great institution how come the failure rate (i.e. divorce rate) is so high. Surely theres a contradiction some were here?
**I’m NOT for a minuet trying to excuse mens self indulgence, or obsessions with porn far from it.
**I agree not only do you dishonor your wife you dishonor & degrade yourself too by the same process.
Alex, I don’t think the problem is with the vows of marriage as much as it is with people not striving to live up to those vows. Marriage is a choice–if you don’t feel up to the task of trying to fulfill those vows, then don’t get married. Or, if you feel like those traditional vows don’t speak to the type of marriage you wish to have, then come up with a mutual agreement with your partner before you get married and write your own vows. To me, the issue isn’t marriage, it’s laziness and dishonesty; it’s agreeing to a “contract” at one point and then deciding you want to change the rules around after you’ve signed it, or it’s deciding that such a big commitment is too much work. I don’t think marriage has gotten any harder over the past several decades, I think people now just tend to see divorce as a very real option–as something that’s not a big deal at all. The reason the divorce rate was much lower in past eras is because the cultural attitude leaned toward taking one’s commitments very seriously. Marriage was something that, to most folks, had a lot of meaning. Today, meaning is much harder to find, which, in many ways, is evidenced by the prevalence of porn. When so many of us would prefer to masturbate to pixilated images rather than make love to a living, breathing human being, is it any wonder not just sex, but everything else in our society also experiences that lack of meaning?
Wow what an interesting debate — some big issues being thrown up here!
I think everyone has made some extremely good points (says he, cautiously sitting on the fence!). I’ve no doubt that porn addiction is really bad for relationships, marriage and our own individual wellbeing.
So something should be done. If billboards can help provide some kind of intervention to wake up men addicted to porn, then they are a valid way to get the message across. But I guess the original question here is whether the “is porn the other woman” message works at all.
As Jason says, this message does smack of old-school moral campaigns; I can just imagine a family values campaign from the 1950′s saying something like “Is Television your other women?” (maybe with a bored housewife looking on as her husband sits transfixed by Jane Russell’s breasts on the silver screen).
So this specific message might only reach men with a more conservative or Christian outlook on things. But does it alienate everyone else?
I’m not married so perhaps I’m not the best person to judge, but I’d be more likely to have my conscience pricked by a billboard that drew my attention to other consequences of porn. Maybe the risks of losing my job, living in a fantasy world, preventing me from getting or enjoying real sex.
So I’m with Alex on that point – I just can’t connect with messages about the sanctity of marriage. But I do completely accept Margaux’s stark conclusion about the wider lack of meaning in our society. Our obsession with soulless pornography is clear evidence of that.
Hi again,
I fully respect what your saying Margaux about marriage. I’m not married and I cannot say marriage is an institution that I find that appling for a number of reasons which I don’t want to go into here.
However, I do think Margaux you have really touched on something that is extremely important and has not been much discussed in relation to porn & to our culture in general in the wider sense. I do agree, I think we are living through a time of crisis, & that crisis is a crisis of meaning, of value. People younger than myself (I’m 50 but I’m talking of people in their teens, and twenties & thirties) seem to know the price of everything in finacial terms but do they know the real value of anything??
For me this crisis of meaning is a bit chicken or egg. Thus the question is does porn make this loss of meaning worse or does using porn actually create that sense of loss of meaning. Therefore which causes which? is it that our lives have become more & more empty & thus painful in or on an almost spiritual level>>which leads people with easy access to the web to use porn in order to numb out this exsistential pain. OR is this the other way around, our lives become more and more empty of meaning the more we numb out our deeper pain via porn usage? I think these are real questions. Certainly porn use does have a bad effect on moral compass I strongly suspect.
Alex, I definitely wouldn’t blame porn for the lack of meaning in our culture. I think it’s merely a symptom of meaninglessness, not the cause, though I do think that it’s directly contributing to the meaninglessness now. This “crisis of meaning and value,” as you so aptly put it, has been going on for much longer than porn has been such a widespread problem.
Going back to the billboard, though: I think part of the problem in discussing this meaninglessness is that the chief rhetoric is a judgmental, religious one. I think that in order to start working through our confusion and moving back towards meaning, our culture is going to need to find a new rhetoric for discussing meaning, for discussing matters of the spirit. I think that in this day and age, people are seeking a much more personal, individual sort of spirituality and many religions just aren’t providing that. In fact, I think the guilt that seems part and parcel of so many religions is exacerbating people’s flight from meaning. For instance, I’ve heard over and over that shame drives porn addiction (or compulsion or whatever name you want to give to this problem)–there’s the cycle of feeling shame, acting out, and then feeling shame again. How is a rhetoric that increases shame going to be affective in combatting something that’s driven by shame?
Just wanted to clarify a little further based on the question you posed: I think people turn to porn because of pre-existing meaninglessness, but, in turn, the porn exacerbates the meaninglessness. It’s all very cyclical: No meaning, more porn, even less meaning.
Hello Margaux,
YES! but one question raises another, where does this pre-existing sense of meaninglessness come from, if it is so wide spread (global). I think its a complex question, one that is not does not have easy or clear cut answers. I agree though that using porn exacerbates the shame, guilt, & the meaninglessness.
**I also agree that religious moralistic views often only drives people away or into a further crisis of meaning. I think the crisis of meaning does have an almost spiritual quality to it.
**It’s all very cyclical: No meaning, more porn, even less meaning. YES!! completely agree with this.
I know you (we) cannot generalize about these matters because they are extremely complex but some of the parts of this complex jig saw puzzle is that in the western societies we have more wealth, more comfort, more of everything on a materialistic level than ever before in history.
Yet at the same time & in parallel a very large number of people are totally disillusioned with traditional party politics (governments & MP’s), have no trust remaining in the traditional institutions such as Banks (banking crisis), the criminal justice system, religions & the morality of religions (due to a rise in religious fundamentalism). Plus a world wide recession only makes this dis-disillusionment even more intensely felt, & with the internet so easily accessible using porn to numb the distress is almost a foregone conclusion (along with a rising tide of porn obsessives, users with a porn problem). Its almost as in inevitable as the sun coming up in the morning. I think that this massive level of change is actually quite hard for most people on a personal level to handle, because its almost like all the major stable bed rock institutions we once could rely upon and now wobbling at there very foundations, that we each feel far far more anxious & insecure than ever before. Past assumptions are no longer as viable as previously (even something as basic as the value of your pension is no longer reliable, the bed rock assumptions have been radically changed). As I say this sense of meaninglessness is very very wide spread, its part of a wider * deeper global process of change, porn is only the tip of this process.
Alex, I think meaning and spirituality go hand in hand–the two terms can be interchangeable, but when we use the word “spirituality” today, it has a negative, religious connotation. To me, spirituality is that sense that we’re connected to something greater than ourselves, namely other human beings. That said, I totally agree that this “crisis of meaning” we’re experiencing at present has a multitude of causes–more than we could ever get around to mentioning here. But, yes, I do think it has a lot to do with the rapid change our world is experiencing–our values and our ability to make sense of the world simply can’t keep up.
I think a very large contributor to this swift, head-spinning change is technology and, especially, the Internet. Our sense of being connected to others is being severely challenged and skewed by the fact that, on any given day, we can “connect” with a very large number of people–people who live halfway across the world or people who live a few towns away. However, the time spent on these connections is at the expense of the people in our own backyard. What’s more, we have time for only so many deep, high-quality connections. In our scrambling to connect with as many people as possible, we’re actually truly connecting, in a truly intimate, meaningful way, with very few people.
For example (and this is hypothetical), I can have a wonderful debate here with you folks, but by the time I get home, I’m all debated out. By the time I sit down to dinner with my family, I have no more energy to talk about the things that matter. It’s much like the porn issue–if someone spends all their time masturbating to Internet porn, they’re not going to have the energy or desire to be intimate with the person who’s right there in their own bed. And just like Internet porn gives the illusion that there’s a whole smorgasbord of sexual partners lying in wait, it also gives the illusion that there’s a countless number of people waiting to be connected with in other ways.
So, to summarize, meaning equals connection and when our connections are more about quantity than quality, there’s a collapse in meaning. In order for meaning to grow, you have to quality (i.e., depth and intimacy) in your connections.
Sorry, I need to add a correction to this sentence:
And just like Internet porn gives the illusion that there’s a whole smorgasbord of sexual partners lying in wait, THE INTERNET AS A WHOLE gives the illusion that there’s a countless number of people waiting to be connected with in other ways.
Margaux, Alex, Luke, Oliver – thanks for all the great input here. It really is a privilege to have such perceptive and constructive debate on my site. Now that sounds like I’m being sycophantic… but it’s true and I mean it!
I’m reminded of what an awkward, transitional time we are going through as a society. The dilemma of ‘connectedness’, the sexual outlook of the internet generation, the solipsistic oblivion of internet porn obsession… and all the positive stuff too, of course.
But right now, we’re so unprepared as a culture. Parents are challenged. Sex education just isn’t cutting it. And the old moral teachings (censorship lobbies, billboard campaigns promoting traditional values) risk disillusioning us further.
For the issue of compulsive porn use, and all the shame and stigma that surrounds it, I’m convinced that engaging, contemporary social/sexual coaching is key. And in delivery, I’m sure it’s possible to avoid the pitfalls of moralising and passing judgement.
Mostly via the internet, we are witnessing the emergence of more enlightened debate and coaching resources. People are opening up on this issue. There will be inevitable conflicts of motivations and belief systems, but I’m feeling optimistic and enjoying the small contribution that we make.
Dear Margaux,
WOW!! I have to say I was VERY excited by your answers to the “meaning or lack of meaning point” that I raised earlier here. I think your answer is brilliant and I have to 100% totally agree with you. I think you have given a highly insightful answers. YES! Quality of connection with other people face to face absolutely, real relationships as opposed to virtual ones, real initimacy rather than the illusion of intimacy (virtual intimacy if there is such a thing?). YES! I agree the answer to meaning is right under our noses so to speak, its like that old Zen joke. Don’t mistake the finger pointing to the moon for the moon itself !!.
[So, to summarize, meaning equals connection and when our connections are more about quantity than quality, there’s a collapse in meaning. In order for meaning to grow, you have to quality (i.e., depth and intimacy) in your connections.]
ABSOLUTELY!! SPOT ON I’D SAY.
I think a very very large number of people are feeling utterly overwhelmed by the rate & pace of change. I think you are right Margaux we are literally scrabbling to make sense of all these changes. I also would suggest that we humans find change very difficult at any time, nobody likes change, humans tend to be creatures of regular habits or regular patterns. We shy away from chaos or irregularity or randomness. We humans like to feel in control and frequently change can take that sense of control away from us andn that yet another reason we dont like change. Frankly change is one of those things that is unavoidable & is one of the few certainties of this life (like taxes & death). What matters is how we face change, how we handle change, & how we manage any transition to a future condition that matters. Sadly perhaps the explosion of porn addiction (obsession, porn habits,etc) suggest many people are NOT dealing with this state of change very well at all, they are numbing out rather than face the changes. Porn use as a state of denial of the change process that is taking place anyway porn or no porn.
**Marguax, I would also suggest that not only are you right about meaning & connection quality. But I would suggest that that the best way for us to deal well with all these changes is precisely by having and trying to maintain high quality connections & relationships. I know its a bit of a cliche but there is truth in “togther we are stronger”. Together we will be better able to deal with the changes that are taking place around us and respond appropriately.
BUT only if we have good quality connections & relationships. NOT virtual ones.
Here’s another relevant point talking about change. If you REALLY want to escape from your porn obsession (porn addiction) then you have to be willing to change. And that means letting go, it means allowing inner change to take place. To give up porn YOU HAVE TO CHANGE.
“Marguax, I would also suggest that not only are you right about meaning & connection quality. But I would suggest that that the best way for us to deal well with all these changes is precisely by having and trying to maintain high quality connections & relationships. I know its a bit of a cliche but there is truth in “togther we are stronger”. Together we will be better able to deal with the changes that are taking place around us and respond appropriately.”
Alex, this is why I feel that, whether or not compulsive porn use truly is an addiction or not, being involved in a 12-step program can be highly effective. Sex-addiction 12-step realizes that using porn is an isolating activity that moves one further away from connection with other people, and, therefore, combats that isolation through connection with other people. So, for example, when you get the urge to use porn, you learn to instead reach out to another person–go to a meeting or call a sponsor or a friend in the program, ultimately learning to replace the isolating activity with intimate, meaningful conversation with other human beings. Over time, as you slowly change and begin to once again trust connection, the desire to isolate (and use porn) recedes.
This, of course, can also be done through therapy, for what is the point of therapy if not to ultimately develop trust and intimacy with another human being in a safe, nonjudgemental environment? The only problem that can arise in using therapy strictly is that the therapist isn’t always going to be available to talk when the urge to use porn arises, so it’s harder to replace the compulsion to look at porn with the behavior of connecting with someone–you have to wait until the next session. However, the therapist can guide the patient in learning to cultivate deeper relationships with others and reach out to those trusted people when the urge to use porn arises.
All that said, I think that’s why “stopping on your own,” as so many people with compulsions attempt to do, eventually proves to be ineffective. Isolating behaviors only grow in isolation. However, the more a person can learn to take a chance and connect and see that it’s safe, the less of a need there will be to engage in compulsions the very essence of which are a fear of or an inability to connect.
Also, one more thing: Changing the habit of looking at porn is a huge change in and of itself and, therefore, by learning to deal with that major change–through intimate connections with other people–can then give one the confidence and tools to deal with other changes in life. So, oddly, the porn habit, which is partly borne of a fear of all the swift and scary changes going on around us, can lead us to reevaluate change and not feel such trepidation around it.
Hello Margaux,
YES! once again I agree whole heartedly with your comments and the points you make. Well I count myself amongst those lucky people who have finally left the need for porn behind me, YES! I managed this bye myself and on my own apart from weekly therapy and yes! I’m sure your probably quite right and that having a 12 step program probably does have its benefits & its place in the scheme of things. I did it my way without a 12 step scheme but I can see what your saying and again I agree with you. What ultimately matters is what works best for the individual person, what leads to postive change, what leads to life changing insight into the root causes that underlye a porn obsession/compulsion. Once the root cause/s are faced the driving force behind using porn also changes but I agree that good quality connections & relationships can help a great deal by ending the isolationism.
Alex,
I would not say the problem with marriage is the institution of it, but the imperfect people within it. Ideals for marriage can be a very healthy thing, so long as we understand (1) no one attains the ideal, (2) forgiveness is needed when failure happens, and (3) the ideal is meant to provide inspiration for growth and development in marital intimacy.
Divorce rates are high not because the idea of one man and one woman living together in monogamous intimacy is unattractive, but because people who get married develop values that conflict with that notion.
As a Christian I see marriage as something God beautifully designed. As a Christian I also believe we are sinful and that moral failure will negatively impact marriage, leading at times to divorce. As far as I can see, there’s no contradiction here. Marriages that stay together and grow in intimacy typically are among people who keep before their mind’s eye the lasting beauty and value of marriage over and above the temptations they see around them. They are captured by a greater beauty than the fleeting pleasure of pornography or one-night-stands.