Porn addiction: only superficially sexual

In this concise news article, Auckland psychotherapist Nathan Gaunt highlights the unsexy issues that typically underlie porn addiction.

It’s not really the porn that’s the problem. It’s about using external things … to make you feel better.

The literature talks about the ‘trance bubble’, or ‘intensity bubble’. A lot of people say when they’re looking at porn they zone out, like they’re not there, they’re not themselves for a while.

The underlying problems may be to do with something as unsexy as time management, or low self-esteem, relationship or sexual troubles.

There’s valuable assurance for wives and partners too:

John’s wife Sarah, 39, says when she discovered his porn habit, she initially took it personally.

“I thought that I was not sexy or good looking enough and that he needed something more. Part of his therapy was working with me to realise that this was his problem and not about me.

The pornography problem was also a symptom of other problems. Talking with other wives, I realise this is pretty widespread.”

John agrees porn is “not all about sex. I love my wife and have always found her sexually attractive. It’s not about that.”