I'm a woman addicted to porn, and it feels like a losing battle - Lee's story

Hi Lee, Thanks for sharing

Submitted by Jason on Sun, 17/10/2010 - 22:11

Hi Lee,

Thanks for sharing your experience here.

There's no doubt that we can develop compulsive problems with porn due to trauma or abuse experienced early in our lives. For some people, it's a way of dealing with issues that they just don't have the words or opportunity to address in any other way. But pornography (especially the extreme kind) feels like it numbs the deeper pain, guilt or shame in some way.

On the other hand, not everyone who watches violent or extreme porn has experienced abuse. Far from it. There are a whole load of underlying causes that can lead to porn addiction, and building tolerance is a common consequence. As you say, the vanilla stuff just doesn't deliver the thrills.

I'm making no assumptions about therapy you might already have received, but under the guidance of a counsellor, it could be very useful to explore possible connections between your porn tastes and past experience. Working with abuse issues can be a longer-term therapy process, but understanding the possible causation can resolve a lot of the hopelessness you feel about your porn habit, and help you understand the coping mechanism that may lie behind it.

I hope this is helpful, and please feel welcome to feed back.

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I'm male and had a lover

Submitted by E on Mon, 18/10/2010 - 01:14

I'm male and had a lover (female) once who was watching increasingly violent pornography; she was sexually abused as a child. I'd hesitate to make a direct link between the two because not all sexual abuse survivors get into extreme porn. In her case, the sexual abuse probably combined with several other things that were going on in her life to make her feel almost totally out of control; depression, death in family, off work for disability, severe problems with her ex, the father of her child. (I am not a psychologist however I've worked in mental health so I feel my opinions have some validity ... and perhaps you might want to see a professional).

As for porn being a losing battle, I've been there. Many times. It can get better but it happens slowly. I tried cold turkey dozens of times only to fail. I eventually got to the point where I was on the verge of severe mental illness if I continued watching porn. The sexual imagery in my head was frightening to say the least and not arousing at all. I was concerned for my future well being, wondering if I'd ever get better.

I am doing better now but I have to be very careful. I also meditate a lot and avoid caffeine. These might seem like little things but they help balance brain chemistry which makes it easier to focus. I used to drink tons of caffeine and watch hours of porn. I am more aware now of when I am in the danger zone and nutrition and relaxation practice have helped.

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It's strange

Submitted by Rach on Tue, 15/03/2011 - 21:32

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you are looking for violent porn :( I haven't had to deal with that...
Just wanted to say that I am also a female porn addict. I am straight, married, Christian, yet I like to watch lesbian porn most of the time. Kinda the opposite to you. It's strange, not sure why that is..

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