Why addiction steals our dreams
A great story requires a protagonist who wants something, and pursues their ambition in the face of obstacles and conflict. Blogger and best-selling author Don Miller reflects on how our habits rob us of our dreams:
And so I’ve started wondering if our addictions and our habits weren’t keeping us from wanting better ambitions, and if by not wanting better ambitions, we aren’t being robbed of great and fulfilling stories and lives.
Things that bring us pleasure are often good. Scratch that, they are often great. But most of our addictions bring us extreme pleasure without the cost of conflict. Porn brings us pleasure without the conflict of relationship. Alcoholism brings us a release of stress without having to deal with our issues. Overeating (my personal favourite) reduces stress and robs us of our dreams, dreams that MUST cost us conflict.
Don's post can be read here: http://donmilleris.com/2010/06/08/how-bad-habits-create-boring-stories/
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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11 comments
Addictions certainly stole
Addictions certainly stole mine.
I don't agree with the basis
I don't agree with the basis of this article. I also don't agree that having a porn obsession robs you of anything!!. YES! OK using on-line porn is a massive time waster that's true but we ourselves are responsible for this time nobody else, its a choice at some level, we have to stop blaming others for our use of that time. However, having used porn quite a bit over the years I would say that both my ambitions, dreams & fantasies haven't changed at all as a consequence, so frankly I think the writer is talking complete non sense.
Interesting response
Interesting response Alex!
I don't think the article is an attempt to blame others. My interpretation was that our own habits/addictions drain our motivation to overcome conflicts and pursue what we want from life. Our ambitions and dreams might not change, but an addiction might keep us from ever realising them.
Hi Jason, Ah!! I think you
Hi Jason,
Ah!! I think you hit the nail on the head so too speak!! Our ambitions and dreams might not change, but an obsession might keep us from ever realizing them. This is what I think I was trying to say (mean) but you've written it much more elegantly than me.
Alex, It depends on your
Alex,
It depends on your situation and lifestyle. If one of somebody's dream is to stay married and have children, porn can ruin that dream!!
If you have a busy life and work all day and stay up all night to watch porn, the next day you will not be that productive with your work and making your dreams come true.
If you are single and have enough of free time to waste the effects are way smaller.
My husband works full time
My husband works full time and goes to graduate school part time. we had just got a house together too which needed a lot of work. He would work and study all day and stay up at night to watch porn.Every day he was tired and crouchy because of staying up at night to masturbate to some ugly images.
This went on until I was about to leave him.He was doing bad at school, having arguments with me, not being productive around the house and almost lost his wife and house.
Irrespective , I still see
Irrespective , I still see porn as having a overwhelmingly negative or detrimental effect on the person who uses it, no matter what the reasons are for using it. All I can tell you is that when I stay well away from porn, I feel MUCH much better about myself as a human being, as a man, I feel happier with myself, & when things are going well I have zero need of porn.
Where the responsibility lays?
a) 50% has to be with the Porn industry, because it does its best to seduce us. Porn doesn't come from no where. Porn is a product which is deliberately & knowingly created to make profits don't think otherwise.
b) 50% is our own personal responsibility. We do have a choice even if it doesn't feel like it. But we do have a choice to use or not use porn. In the same way that there is something called an OFF!! button on the TV if you don't like whats been broadcast on that channel. Nobody is forcing you to watch the TV show in question, porn is no different in my view.
I think its mostly our
I think its mostly our responsibility to stay away from it. There are a lot of drugs out there but its up to us if we want to not be addicted to drugs. As a woman I see a lot of shoes I would love to have, but I put myself a limit. I can say I would be addicted to shoes but haven't bought any in months. I can't blame the designers for making so many adorable shoes?!? No, I shouldn't. That's their job, to seduce me into buying tons of shoes!!!
F, I have to agree with you
F, I have to agree with you very much. I think its mostly my responsibility to stay away from porn, to have self restraint, to have self discipline, to use tools or any kind of method that puts firm boundaries around access to porn. I use OpenDNS content filtering which is "the" best method I've found so far that works for me.
YES! Porn exists & porn itself is NOT going to go away, not now, not in the future nor any time soon and that means we each have to find a way to deal with it. Personally avoidance is probably the most realistic approach, all I know is that not using porn makes me a much much happier person of that there is no question. The central problem is that our use of porn is irrational, is often strongly linked or associated with unconscious issues which we may even be unaware of and that's a problem of itself. This is why I think counseling & therapy is so vital when someone has a porn problem.
Yet another way to put it
Yet another way to put it would be to say the problem with porn is NOT porn itself but "our relationship to porn". The problem is how we deal with, or fail to deal with our feelings, our stress or many other irrational reactions to situations or life circumstances. Some people turn to alcohol, illegal drugs or even prescription drugs, turn to eating or over eating to deal with difficulties, some people gamble or become shopaholics, & some of us turn to doing porn. Like all of these other habit forming behaviors they all have one thing in common they are ways to damp down or repress (avoid feeling) the difficult emotions.
NOTE:- When difficult emotions are denied or repressed or swallowed down they DON'T disappear but they remain unresolved, that is they stay with us. These repressed feelings are pushed deep down into our unconscious psyche. These unacknowledged feelings are pushed into our shadow bag, & these feelings remain alive & with us, why? because the human unconsciousness does not recognize time itself.
To someone with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) the events of war can return as flashbacks & these flashbacks are as real in the hear & now as they were 5, 10 or 25years ago. If the root causes of a porn habit (obsession) are not addressed i.e. the difficult feelings around the original problem then the person will tend in my opinion to always fall back on their chosen emotional crutch, there chosen pain killer, their habitual way to numb out those difficult emotions i.e. use porn again.
However, the opposite is also true & equally possible, meaning it is possible to change, it is possible to face those dreadful feelings to let them out, through catharsis the feelings get released & the root causes get healed, then the obsessions drop away naturally and a new balance is formed. We stop needing porn we no-longer need that kind of emotional crutch anymore!!. It does take time & commitment to follow that pathway but healing is totally possible, its as much a choice as the choice to use & view porn in the first place.
I personally never had a
I personally never had a problem with porn until I found out that my husband would rather masturbate to these very young teenage girls than have sex with me. I think there are people that can have a healthy relationship and use porn when the partner is not around. The porn should substitute the partner, in my case it was the opposite.
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