When the symptoms become the cause?
Regular contributor Alex reflects on the build up of feelings that results from a porn habit. Drawing from his own experience, he raises some highly valid points:
Compulsive use of porn is a complex subject area, but recently I have come to the conclusion that it is symptomatic of something deeper in our lives. I am interested why it is that so many of us, myself included (mostly males) turn to porn, and specifically internet based porn.
Of course, we turn to porn for many reasons, and no two people are the same. But how many of us can put our finger on why we actually do it?
In other words, I think that a) we use porn without being aware of why we are using porn and b) porn itself becomes yet another problem on top of, or woven together with, our other dilemmas.
From my own experience, I’d say with some hindsight that my use of porn is really about covering up deeper feelings of sadness, of disillusionment with life, with wanting to avoid feelings of failure, and feelings of anger. It’s a long list, but having a porn obsession causes an emotionally numbing effect very similar to a pain killer or anaesthetic.
The more intense our inner wounds or sense of distress, the more we turn to porn as a way of not facing those emotions and issues that have gone undealt with in our lives.
So porn itself becomes yet another problem. It’s just like having feelings about our feelings, if that makes sense! We get intensely hung up about our use of porn, subconsciously distracting ourselves even further from the deeper problems.
To put it another way, emotionally fulfilled people don’t use compulsively turn to porn becuase they are not trying to avoid anything. When a person is sufficiently fulfilled, they have no need to numb themselves out against reality. They are not in distress, or constantly on the run from their insecurities.
No related posts.
I have become addicted to porn. I wish I could stop but….can’t. My wife and I no longer have sex and porn helps me masturbate. Still I want to quit.
I just discovered two weeks ago my husband is having an affair but last week I found he has been EDITING porno photographs using my sisters faces, friends of mine, wives of his colleagues and he doesnt know i found this. About the affair he has been saying he loves her and loves me like a sister or a daughter, we dont have children, about the thousand of edited porno photos i dont know if there is something to do. Is this to be a porn addict? The photographs are dated since before we got married until last week and they really look original i mean he takes a lot of his time while i am working to do such a perfect thing.
Hi Brenda
Yes, this behaviour would suggest an obsessive relationship with porn.
Men often try to recreate the things they see on screen in their own sex lives, and that’s not necessarily a problem. But when they devote vast amounts of their time to an obsessive ‘porn hobby’, or behave in a way that’s offensive to their parters, something is amiss.
If he recognises this, I would recommend that he seeks some counselling to help explore why he feels compelled in this way.
It’s very true that porn use is symptomatic of a deeper problem in a man’s life.
Thank you for your response, I now match many other things, a picture with a sex server woman, hotel bills,etc Now he asked for separation so he can keep on with his affair (a married woman with 5 children colleague of him),as he is a musician, often goes on tour and just asked not to call the husband who might be agressive. He started this affair last october while I was 2 months pregnant and by decemeber i lost my baby but the dates on the photographs shows he is happy and with women around him and the textx he was sending me that time say how much he loves me. I dont think this is love and where is the COMMITMENT. What to do, shall i just leave him alone for my own good and health without telling him? It´s very painful, I fell destroyed. What is that thing of loving me like a daughter or sister, can´t understand anything.