The confusion of porn and pleasure - by Alex
Thank you Alex for submitting this important reflection on the compulsive desire for porn:
When we are seduced and drawn in by the powerful pull of pornography, I think we're getting ourselves rather confused at some level. It seems that part of what we are seeking is to fulfil our hunger for pleasure, or to satisfy our apparent desires. This is the seeking of pleasure as a form of soothing; a comfort blanket of sorts. But we seek in the wrong place and in the wrong way!
The sad paradox of porn is that whilst it stimulates our sexual arousal responses (those inherent physiological reactions), it cannot and never will satisfy our true desires. In reality, porn brings little or no real pleasure either. We may experience the functional, biological release of arousal, but release through porn is an empty, lonely and solitary experience, just as sex without love and intimacy or emotional connection is an empty experience.
To overcome a porn habit, it helps to recognise that we are 'confusing' pornography with the real satisfaction and actual pleasure of sex with the intimacy with our partner (wife, girlfriend or boyfriend) or even sex with ourselves. True enriching and life affirming pleasure can never be reached through porn.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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7 comments
More good food for thought
More good food for thought there. I tried to convince myself that watching porn was 'where it's at' for a long time, to the exclusion of my family and other interests. Now I do see the suffering I was causing them and myself. So a large part of me has accepted that there is a problem - isn't this the first step that addicts are meant to take? But when I feel drawn back to porn, a small voice still tells me that it will give me pleasure. Even though most of me disagrees, I still find myself switching off my internet filter and looking now and again. It feels like fighting a constant battle.
Hi Duncans, Thats because
Hi Duncans,
Thats because yet another way to look at using porn is that porn is sex in the head as opposed to sex with your entire body & whole being. Sex in the head is airy, & disconnected, is only the pure illusion of sex, it is fantasy sex if you like.
**The voice in your head, the siren call of porn is just your "pattern" talking to you. It is the siren call that always trys to justify to yourself why perhaps this time viewing some porn might be OK, or perhaps will live up to your fantasies.
**Sex with someone you really truely love with an open heart cannot ever be matched by porn 100% no way. Sex with a partner is such an incredible gift, it is one of the things that makes life worth living that experience of sheer closeness, connection & initimacy. Porn can never gift you that. Never!! We only Con ourselves if we beleive otherwise, it is self deception or denial. It leads no where fast & is guarenteed to improverish us in the end.
Thank you Alex, I
Thank you Alex, I wholeheartedly agree. 'Impoverished' is a very apt word for the state that porn leaves us in.
Hi, I learned the hard way
Hi,
I learned the hard way from bitter experience that porn is incredibly paradoxical & extremely confusing. Porn turns out to be completely the opposite of everything I thought it might be, it is not the answer I thought it might be, its not a source of pleasure or happiness. It is not helpful, it is not enriching, it is not life affirming, & so forth. Porn turns out to be a total illusion & a utter let down, a disappointment, it only adds to the sum of our (my) guilt & shame, etc.
Some faceless person in another country far away across the other side of virtual space created the porn in order to make money from this (take advantage of our vulnerabilities) waste our time without even seeing them. Pornographers remain faceless money makers, & profiteers. Porn is just another way to print money but it can only do that if we allow it too? Porn is only powerful if we fall for the con trick that is porn.
I hate porn for exactly the
I hate porn for exactly the same reason.
Consider myself liberal, forward-thinking and hip. I accept that not everyone in porn is exploited. For some girls, it's an easy buck.
Folks should be able to watch whatever they want to in their own homes.
Addiction is not a disease, nor is it caused by Satan or demons or whatever. That's a load of bull.
I know all this.
Yet still, I feel like a victim. Internet porn has rendered me obsessed with sex and my own pathetic validation in its superficial world. The industry never got my cash, but it absorbed my potential, spirit and hope.
It's not getting any more of me.
Porn can leave us feeling so
Porn can leave us feeling so empty. When our sex drives and so intimately tied to our drive for connection with another person, it isn't surprising that habitual "solo sex" is so unsatisfying. It's like G.K. Chesterton said, “The moment sex ceases to be a servant it becomes a tyrant.”
YES! I do think that's a very
YES! I do think that's a very important point its a part of the naivety & confusion involved in using porn. i.e. The desire, of foolish hope on a naive level of intimacy or connection with the person (model) in the image. Of course you cannot have an intimate relationship with a picture, a picture is devoid of humanity or of personality, its Not going to answer back or say nice sexy things too you. In that sense a porn image is a perfect mirror for our unfulfilled sexual fantasies, but its always going to be a disappointment because porn is always just fantasy sex, its only sex in the head. It will never be able to replace the love & physical intimacy of someone who touches you in your heart, another person who cares about you & your well being. Porn can never do such things & so for this reason porn is always a second or third or fourth best substitute for a real relationship & real sex.
**fantasy sex is always perfect and nothing is out of place, its always as you want it & imagine it.
**real actual sex is messy far from perfect, often inconvenient, involves some degree of risk, also often involves some kind of contraception too. Real sex is something you do with your entire body not just your head.
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