Porn and objectification - by Alex
We are surrounded and swamped by sexual imagery. So-called raunch culture and sex sells marketing has infiltrated the mainstream. And either we laugh at this (often with embarrassment) or just nod in knowing agreement. Either way, we are affected by the use of sexuality to sell more products.
Because of this, I believe that more people than ever before are using porn in the mistaken belief that it carries no negative consequences.
Why does porn have such a negative and potentially corrosive influence upon us?
First of all porn objectifies women and men. A person is reduced down to an impersonal, sexual object by medium of porn and this is passed on to the viewer. Porn models and actors are shown devoid of their humanity, devoid of their unique personality. They are stripped quite literally and degraded in the process of creating porn.
Here is another reason (and perhaps a controversial one) why using porn is potentially so damaging. It's the flip side of objectifying porn models for our sexual gratification. I suggest that we dehumanize ourselves by this same process. We end up degrading ourselves in the same moment that we objectify others.
In order to objectify another person we must split off a part of our humanity. This splitting process occurs inside us, within our psyche (within the emotional body-mind). This splitting off diminishes our full humanity. We separate off part of who we are. We become a divided self through this process of objectification. This can have a very deep and lasting impact on our sense of self and our well being. It can impact our mental and emotional health; even on our very sanity perhaps.
The end result of this objectification process is that we only hurt ourselves by using porn. By objectifying others we objectify ourselves, inflicting upon ourselves the pain of inner conflict and betrayal. To find the undivided self again requires a healing process to take place, and this healing process can only succeed when we stop objectifying others.
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9 comments
The difference is that when
The difference is that when you love someone (your partner, wife or girlfriend) you DON'T objectify them or turn them into purely a sexual object. You cannot! why? because a partner is a living breathing human being they are not totally passive. The result of love making is bonding & initimacy with your partner it bring you closer.
However, with Porn though the explicit image (or movie) becomes the perfect passive canvas into which we can project our fantasies or desires. The perfect medium in which we objectify others. Objectification requires a totally passive recipient. In fact you can never attain intimacy with a porn picture or movie, using porn will in my opinion leave the viewer (user) even more empty & lonely inside. You could almost say that Objectification is the polar opposite of love & intimacy.
Yes I completely agree with
Yes I completely agree with all the above.
I hate the way that hours spent watching porn has altered the way that I perceive women. It's just what you say - the exact opposite of intimacy, empathy and any kind of genuine connection. I think women sense it too - they can see the objectification and lust going on behind my eyes.
Which really does lead me to wonder how long this takes to heal once porn has been removed?
Well said, Alex. I think this
Well said, Alex. I think this splitting off a part of one's humanity is incredibly apparent in ALL aspects of many porn addicts' lives, not just when it comes to romantic relationships. As my husband's porn addiction progressed, I watched him become a shell of a human being. He lost all interest in his friends; in healthy activities like exercise, enjoying nature, going to museums, etc.; in doing anything that would allow him to grow as a person--reading, engaging in anything creative. Towards the end of our relationship, he was spending hours just sleeping and zoning out with computer games, and of course looking at porn--that's all he did outside of work. He essentially became an "object" himself.
Hi Adam, That's a really
Hi Adam,
That's a really good question. And I don't have a definitive answer for how long it might take to heal the body-mind once porn is removed. This is because I am myself in that healing process, I have really totally stopped using porn after many years of struggle. And no I'm not doing cold turkey as a matter of interest, I've finally stopped needing to use porn because I got to the deeper underlying issues and now I am facing those issues & the painful heart braking feelings that I had been attempting to avoid. Once a person knows what the core issues are & fully understands them and faces them then you probably no longer need porn.
**Once you have stopped using porn I think you may need to sit with a stage or phase of inner emptiness which I believe is required and is part of the natural re-balancing process.
**Once you stop using porn you can continue to masturbate as normal provided you don't use porn of course. And sexual fantasies are fine too again without using porn. In other words after you stop using porn you are really trying to re-define your sexual relationship with yourself once again. As porn tends to disconnect the healthy sexual relationship we normal would have otherwise. If that makes sense.
Hi Margaux, [He
Hi Margaux,
[He essentially became an “object” himself.]
***YES! Absolutely that makes 100% total sense***
**YES! I feel sure that using
**YES! I feel sure that using porn on a regular basis either destroys or gets in the way of real intimacy. Both in the sense of being intimate with one's self (disconnecting the self from a healthy sexuality) and also from experiencing good quality intimacy with a partner.
**YES! I also feel that if you use porn on a regular basis then perhaps women can sense this or those close to you can feel something is wrong or not quite right on an intuitive level.
**I found that my main reason or motivation for stopping using porn was that I just wanted to be happy with myself and after tasting briefly short periods of feeling very good about myself I just wanted a whole lot more. Now I feel nothing but relief that I no longer feel the need for porn in my life and that I just don't want to go back to ever feeling that bad about myself. I find myself no longer consumed by thinking about porn & no longer emotionally drawn to porn like a moth to a flame. Porn is not something I want to be burned by any more, enough said I think!!
"YES! I also feel that if you
"YES! I also feel that if you use porn on a regular basis then perhaps women can sense this or those close to you can feel something is wrong or not quite right on an intuitive level."
I totally agree with this statement. My husband and I were friends before we were involved romantically, and we lost touch for a few years before we reconnected and started dating. During the time that we weren't in contact was when I believe the addiction took hold. When we reconnected, he was a completely different person than the guy I had been friends with. He was much more quiet and withdrawn and would often "zone out" and just not be present. I sensed--like you said on an intuitive level--that something was very wrong long before I discovered the porn. But I think the reason I went along with the relationship was because I was still seeing him as the guy I knew before and I thought that maybe he was just going through a period of depression or something--I spent a lot of time feeling very confused about where the guy I used to know had gone. Sadly, throughout the years we were together, he just got worse. Thanks, Alex, for helping me understand another piece of the puzzle. Losing my marriage to porn addiction has been really hard to make sense of.
Hello Margaux, Thank you
Hello Margaux,
Thank you for your comments. I am very touched by what you have said & I really feel for you. Porn and its effects have obviously taken a dreadful toll on you and caused you much heart ache & pain. What can I say but to express my sincere sympathy to you.
Further thoughts on
Further thoughts on Objectification & Porn
When someone uses porn on a regular basis this involves an objectification of the person within the image/s or video, this objectification is actually a splitting off of (your) our humanity. This process inevitably leads to a numbing effect (similar to killing of pain or anaesthetics), when you split off the self you cannot feel, in other words the divided self feels no emotions, the result is a disconnection from your deeper self. In other words if you use porn & if you objectify the model in the image/s you only alienate yourself. This is a profoundly worrying realization (insight) I have come to but it is my sincerely held belief that this is actually what using porn does to real people, it alienates them from themselves.
Objectification leads to Splitting Off, and splitting off leads to numbness & no feelings.
To be a whole person means NOT objectifying others.
Using Porn contradicts wholeness!!
There is no such thing as a little bit of alienation or objectification.
Using Porn is to become less than your true self.
Objectification is a form of psychic wounding, self wounding.
Objectification causes alienation.
Objectification is Masochistic.
Objectification destroys the chances of reach a state of intimacy.
Stopping using porn means you must stop objectifying others. This is to allow your wounded numbed out , divided self to heal. Allowing the body-mind the chance to come back into balance with itself. It is to face your emotions, to face feeling once again, to re-connect with your deeper self again, to regain the chance of intimacy with yourself and intimacy with others.
Perhaps it is somewhat naïve or a mistaken belief that you can have a relationship with a porn image, with that perfect sexual object woman or man. You cannot have a relationship with a porn image its totally impossible. A porn image will never give you a sense of intimacy, or a sense of closeness or love you for who you are. Using porn can only ever result in a further sense of disconnection from a real self.
Alex
28th June 09
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