Escaping the nothingness: why guys turn to internet porn
A follower of this blog was kind enough to send me this transcript from a US radio show. It's bang on the nail, and I'm very grateful to him for sharing.
Back in 2005, I heard this exchange between Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew on the old Loveline radio show. It was interesting enough for me to transcribe it into my journal, and applicable to the subject of your site:
Adam: People don't have an active enough or rewarding enough schedule. They don't have a schedule that they can sink their teeth into, they don't have anything that flips their cookie. A lot of guys, I know because I was one of them, and I hung out with the rest of them, they get out of high school, all they can get is a crappy job. So they just get a carpet cleaning, carpet laying, roofing kind of cleaning up trash kind of BS stocking job, of course your mind just goes number when you think about work, it's anything but a career, you're more of a drone bee, and so work is nothing. Career, what career? You're not going to school, you're not doing anything but cleanup on aisle 9 or dragging branches to a chipper.
So you start getting this kind of mild depression, it's almost a numbness, your life is filled with crappy long hours, you don't have any money, there's no money to pursue anything, there's no dreams or anything, and you just slip into this world where you just drink beer and masturbate. The point is that you have nothing and you turn on the TV and you see people travelling, you see in them in their Hummers, you see cribs on MTV and you're envious, you can't come close to it, you're making 9.00 an hour...
Drew: That's part of the problem isn't it?
Adam: The envy, yeah! So you're just sitting there staring at the world through the window of your TV set, and you just sort of numb yourself with a few beers and then you turn on the Internet and you beat off, and the next day begins.
Drew: What people do who get into the Internet pornography, is they use it to deal with those feelings. It sort of takes them away, it puts them in an alpha wave state. They sort of go into an altered state, a quasi-dream-like state with high levels of arousal, and they spend hours out there in that state surfing around, and it takes them away. It's Calgon, it takes them away.
Adam: And suddenly they're a millionaire with the world at their fingertips.
Drew: Or more importantly, they're disassociated, detached from all the agony.
Adam: Because here's what they have to come back to: the rust-coloured carpeting, the room-mate spilled the bong, the fucked up futon, and the crappy job back at the batting cage. So yeah, I'll just stroke myself for 4 hours a night, and Calgon take me away.
[...]
Adam: You need a life where you come home and you're tired, or you come home and there is paperwork to do, or like there's things to do
Drew: And you want to do them.
Adam: And you want to do them.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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19 comments
I think this rings VERY true
I think this rings VERY true indeed, porn to numb out a crappy quality of life. I think this is one accurate reason many people do turn to porn i.e. the sheer inner emptiness the sheer sense of meaningless-ness in a persons life. We are not machines, we are not robots but capitalism & business demands that almost turn ourselves into such just to survive each day. Capitalism & business is not concerned about human happiness or the well being of an employee its only concern is profit, profit, profit. We are alienated by this insatiable capitalism itself and for many of us that's a very painful experience yes! TV & porn are kinds of pain killers that numb out those feelings.
Of course the is an entirely
Of course the is an entirely obvious paradox here and that is that porn exists solely for the purpose of making money & profits from online (internet based) punters. Users or consumers. Capitalism of course turns us into such users or consumers even if we don't really want to be, being a consumer is the de-facto condition if you live within a capitalistic system. Making money & then spending it, or consuming is what we spend our entire lives doing. So is it really so surprising that we've ended up turning the appearance of the naked human body into just another commodity to be consumed, this is what business does, its what capitalism does. I'm not saying its OK and I'm not even saying this is moral merely its my personal opinion & observation. Can we be happy if we are surrounded by such massive influential forces, its a bit like trying to control the weather. If it rains there is little you can do about it.
Somebody once commented on
Somebody once commented on this website: People with a porn habit (porn problem) are just the road kill of the porn industry!!. In a weird kind of way that makes a great deal of sense to me. Some times the individual is up against forces which are hard to fully comprehend i.e. the power & the forces of an entire sex, marketing & commodity industry. Therefore its obvious to ask how can the individual or vulnerable person not be affected by such a premeditated effort to make money from us, make money from trying to hook us, hook us into their product/s.
So dead-end jobs, rust
So dead-end jobs, rust coloured carpeting in crappy apartments, and envy of the bourgeoisie would not exist in a communistic society?
I agree, the porn industry
I agree, the porn industry definitely has a way with luring people into their products. Like the saying always goes "Sex sells".
Good post. "they’re
Good post.
"they’re disassociated, detached from all the agony" - I can truly relate.
I agree that it's an
I agree that it's an unsatisfying life that makes the escape of porn seem so appealing, but what's sad--and another parodox!--is that the porn keeps one stuck. While I was with my husband, so many of his circumstances changed dramatically for the better (not that I'm taking credit for these changes, they just sort of fell into place)--he got a more challenging job that matched up with his goals, we moved into a really nice apartment, he had a chance at a loving and intimate relationship--but he wasn't satisfied with any of these improvements because he had become so unaccustomed to numbing out. It was almost as though he had to maintain that depressed, less-than attitude to keep the addiction going even though his outer circumstances no longer warranted that attitude.
Quote: So dead-end jobs, rust
Quote: So dead-end jobs, rust colored carpeting in crappy apartments, and envy of the bourgeoisie would not exist in a communistic society?
ANS:- No! that's NOT what I'm saying. I am saying there is a connection between a poor quality of life style or life circumstance and the need to escape the pain misery & emptiness. Its utterly silly to say people in a communistic system don't (didn't, wont) use porn. There are plenty of people in communist countries but they tend to become alcoholic's instead or using porn habitually. In Russia they have a very big & extremely serious problem of people dying from illegal vodka (hooch).
All I am trying to suggest
All I am trying to suggest here is that when a person or a mass of people face stressful or painful conditions which they feel unable to change, then its very common for them to find some method to numb that distress. For example you commonly see that when people are homeless they often end up with alcohol or drug habits too, they almost go hand in hand.
All I'm suggesting is that perhaps when a person (or large group of people) end up with a porn habit to numb themselves out you (we) should also take careful notice of the wider social & economic environment within which they live. That these wider conditions do impact on the behavior of the individual, after all non of us lives in a vacuum. We are influenced by wider, biggest forces than we might be fully conscious of. The porn industry itself is not blameless here is its rapacious pursuit of ever greater profits.
The central problem here
The central problem here which is common to contributors of this website, is NOT porn itself but our relationship with porn.
Another way to look at this is to ask. What is it, in us that makes us (you & me) turn first & foremost to online porn as our primary choice of escapism or numb out (pain killer) method rather than say a bottle of whiskey or vodka, or something else (insert your own substance) xxxxx. ?? This is what truly I find fascinating.
I think Margeaux's point is
I think Margeaux's point is most interesting. I am the same. Good career, a lovely wife, prospects and an unhealthy relationship with porn. I think the 'dead end job' view is too narrow and for partners it lays too much blame at their doorstep - the implication being that if the person was fulfilled there'd be no habit.
Escapism however rings very true. Alex's question of why porn and not alcohol provokes thoughts of our youths and our role models as well as the availability of the thrill. It's easy for me to look at online porn whenever. Maybe in other countries people are still reliant on communal Internet access? And if that's changed recently maybe we only need to wait 10 years for the problem to emerge. After all, problem porn only seems to reveal itself after some time spent developing a relationship with it.
Alex- There are plenty of
Alex- There are plenty of commercial organisations that do care about their staff and customers. The pursuit of profit is not inherently opposed to having a heart.
Hi Nic, In response, I saw a
Hi Nic,
In response, I saw a very depressing & very heart braking film on TV not so very long ago. It showed that even in remote rural villages in Africa they had managed to get satellite TV and what was the entire village watching? you guessed it. Western made porn films!!.
This was utterly jaw dropping stuff as the film showed a communal hut crammed with about 100 people, from little kids & toddlers, boys & girls of 5 & 6 years old, teenage youths & through to village elders in their 70's. As a horrific consequence of these films teenage rape of the village girls had exploded as never before, it was a serious problem as the boys & men were so frustrated by these movies. So you cannot say that its just a western or developed world problem, you cannot say porn is harmless and watching it has no consequences. It was a heart braking documentary, it made me feel rather depressed.
Hi Dave, Call me cynical
Hi Dave,
Call me cynical or highly skeptical if you like but I haven't come across many truly caring companies or commercial business's because at the end of the day, profit is what matters most to them in my opinion. Most companies pay lip service to the notion of being ethical & or being truly caring to their staff. Perhaps I've just had to many bad work experiences? that's possible I guess. The individual or their experience seems to count for less & less these days, its a bonkers crazy world that makes less & less rational sense to me as I get older.
Hi Alex, Yes, I saw that
Hi Alex,
Yes, I saw that documentary as well and indeed it was sad and shocking; particularly the effect it had on the behaviour of the young men. And no one could finish watching that programme with anything other than the strong belief that the existence of porn turn everyone into monsters.
Yet we know that isn't the case. In fact my original mail post was in response to yours. I'm not entirely clear what your point is - you started by suggesting porn addiction thrived in capitalist societies, then you explained that communist countries had more problems with alcohol, then when I suggested that you were right and that increased internet access there might change that, you seem to argue against your original point by mentioning the African documentary.
I think it's simpler than this. Porn is not a virus that turns everyone into monsters. Some people can take it or leave it. Rather, we all have a comfort that we turn to in the case of stress. For some it's alcohol, others gambling or porn. And the stress, as described in this article, can simply be a complete lack of prospects. But it could also be boredom or having to deal with pressures like a difficult job or a death in the family.
The most corruptive element of porn in my opinion is the way it disguises itself as something we genuinely need. In the face of relationship difficulties or an absence of love and companionship, it's not only a quick buzz to distract from normal life, but it seems to be satisfying a genuine need. But in our pursuit of the same fix we end up craving more and stronger stuff to tread water.
its true , it numbs the
its true , it numbs the insurity inside but then it controls you
I'm on my second week of no
I'm on my second week of no porn, I may see a ads online but I ignore them. I'm tired of being this way. I've been trying to quit for about a year now, I do feel a bit better but, you have to be vigilant. You have to take it one day at a time, and get involved in something outside of the house, or a hobbie. Get out and socialize with people, exercise, it all helps. Just don't keep yourself bored, cuz you'll succumb to the urges. Also, Ive noticed that by abstaining from porn there's this confidence I have when approaching women. And I become more attracted to women, even the ones I didn't think were my type.
My husband has a great job
My husband has a great job that keeps him busy, is going to graduate school, we bought a new house that needed work, we were planning a wedding, had one puppy, going on vacation twice a year. That doesn't seem like crapy life to me. And he didn't have a lot of free time to spend on the computer. He took off time from his sleeping schedule to watch porn for hours. I don't agree with this post.
Escaping my nothingness
Hi all,
first of all i want to comment on F's last Post: I can see why your not agreeing with this Post. Your situation seems to be very different. But to me, and i think, maaany others, it applies.
I life in Germany, Berlin. This post was the first thing, that made genreal sence to me. In Todays world, guys like me, and others, are just frustrated about how to lead our lifes. We have to decide what to study, what to become, what to eat, what to say, how to stay in shape - but we dont care about those things in a way. All thats in hour heads is "Cmon, go beat it off !" - repeatingly all day. Many people, and i think women in particular, have no idea, REALLY NO IDEA how hard it is, to restrain our sexual desires. And why would they ? I seriously thought i was just another sex addict - until today. I thought it was kinda normal to watch porn, beat off ... but its not. Its a filthy, degrading habit.
This Post, and my dilemma are quite the same. I think many guys out there have this same problem: What do we do instead of beating off ?
I have just no idea ?! In addition, i stopped cannabis about a day ago, and i think it will make things even harder for me.
I have many hobbies - i bike alot. But i cant bike all day, just that i dont beat off, can i ?
I even enjoy reading - but it will not keep my hands busy enaugh.
.... the only thing that comes to mind is finding a girlfriend, which likes me for what i am - a sex addict.
I no longer want to be addicted to porn - i want to be addicted to the woman of my dreams - and i will try to beat this addiction, in exchange for happyness and belonging ... If any of you got any suggestions besides things that already have been said - go right ahead. For now - Thank you.
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