How to really enjoy 2010 - free from porn addiction

by Jason on 24 December 2009

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Glancing at the magazine covers in WH Smith, I'm reminded that it's that time of year again. "New Year, New You!", "6-Pack in 6 Weeks", "Reboot your Life Now!". Glossy lifestyle magazines that promise to help you change your life in no time at all. As the new year approaches, such promises are difficult to resist. I've certainly been enticed, and shelled out £5.99 for a 3-page article about crunches and eating more protein. Suffice to say, the 6-pack didn't happen.

These are clichéd marketing ploys, but it's overly cynical to say that such promises can never come true. The advice and information contained in these magazines is usually sound. If we stick with the plan, exactly as described, real changes could happen. But the vast majority of us buy these magazines on a whim. Long before January is out, our good intentions are outweighed by all the real world hassles and distractions in our lives. Like it or not, we carry on as before.

Similarly, I'm betting that countless guys are hoping that 2010 will bring the end of their porn addiction. And that's an extremely healthy and positive ambition, of course. I remember holding out the same hope, year after year. So here's some simple advice for actually making it a reality, and avoiding the "New Year, New You!" syndrome.

Rather than focussing on not doing, take some positive action. Step up and do something to make this change. The options are many, so here are just a few:

Open up and tell someone you trust about your porn habit, and your commitment to break it.
Rediscover a hobby or interest. Porn takes away our interest in the things we used to enjoy, so refresh that interest.
Google 'urge surfing'.
Install an internet filter (the free OpenDNS service is highly recommended).
Set some straightforward goals for the new year, beyond giving up pornography. Write them down and talk about them.
Buy a book about giving up porn addiction and learn how to help yourself.
Engage in an online community or forum about personal development or goal-setting.
Get into the habit of exercising, or simply walking through the park. Enjoy the feeling of clearing your head out.

People successfully take action to overcome their unwanted habits on every day of the year. I know guys who haven't felt obsessed with porn since last Christmas, or since they moved house, started a new job or came back from vacation. Once you decide to take action, your recovery process can begin whenever you choose.

Some people track the number of days since they went 'clean', and some don't. There's no right or wrong approach; just remember that quitting porn isn't an endurance test. It's about taking action and learning to cherish yourself.

Sometimes, you'll remind yourself that you are living without porn addiction. "Hey, I haven't wasted time on porn websites since ... a week/month/year". This is always accompanied by a warm feeling of achievement. And when those old urges for porn do occasionally float into your mind, you realise that nothing can beat the warm feeling of achievement. With a flicker of a smile, you allow those old urges to drift away as you get on with living.

Thank you once again for following this blog, and I wish you a very happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

11 comments

Brilliant post as usual Jason, and a lot of common sense advice. Thanks for all the work you put into this blog website and merry christmas to you and all participants here.

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Hi,
Personally as I have become older I refuse to fall for all this post holiday marketing lies & new year new you twaddle. I make absolutely no new years resolutions as its a waste of time, people only change as and when they are really ready too. People change when they feel safe enough to change & not before.

**I trained professionally as a dancer for three years full time (some years ago now) but I can tell you for a fact that a so called six pack takes about a year to form. It takes hundreds of hours of physical working, exercises like crunches, press ups press backs, leg raises, running & weight training & gym work,etc. Perhaps more than anything else it takes incredible will power & self discipline of the kind most people just don't have.

**Giving up using porn also takes self discipline but also lots of forgiveness too when you fail to keep to your intentions. Just because we slip occasionally or fail once in a while doesn't mean we should give up trying to leave porn behind. The more you can leave using porn behind the more you start to love yourself & more you feel good about yourself once again.

**I gave up using porn because I just wanted to feel OK! about myself nothing more. It was & remains a very simple goal. Largely I'm succeeding too.

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a waring opendns dont block porn downloads from p2p software.

im hating porn dude, its too hard to quit, sometimes i think its imposible, im finding other ways to pass free time not using internet, man, because to me internet always lead to porn, no matter what, so im doing other things to pass time like read magazines and newspapers, i dont care if i need to buy a magazine daily, if that keeps me away of the internet and porn, what do you think?

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Hi Addicted - that's a good point about OpenDNS. I think it can block p2p/torrent sites though, so probably a good idea. Admittedly, non-porn torrents will then be blocked too, but a small price to pay for removing the temptation.

It can be tough when we're alone with the internet and time on our hands. We need to find more positive and rewarding ways to spend our time. I'd suggest setting some straightforward, longer-term goals like working on a business or creative project, learning something new or helping others with their needs.

Hi Alex - ah so that's why the six-pack didn't materialise in six weeks ;)

I completely agree about the importance of self-forgiveness. Once again, you're bang on the nail.

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no jason , the p2p software have its own search engine, its not a website, its a search engine in the software, and opendns dont block the search done with that search engine, dont block the search, and dont block the search engine.

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Hi Addicted,

Ah ok - that's useful to know. I guess the only option is to uninstall the p2p client.

I know... you could always install it again, just like you could always deactivate OpenDNS. But removing the temptation at your fingertips is helpful as part of a well-planned personal recovery plan. It just adds that extra bit of hassle when the urges kick in, and gives you an opportunity to consider whether you actually want to fall back into old habits.

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I am in a 2 year realtionship with my partner, we are engaged but no date for the wedding yet. I recently discovered that he has been looking at porn for approx 8 months. There is a lot of history as to why this causes me physical pain. Most of all during this time we have had many discussions about the subject and also about his habit of 'staring' at women, not a quick glance, completely zoning out, even whilst holding my hand. I am devestated at all the broken promises, lies and deception that has gone on in our relationship. I suffer from an illness that causes me severe fatigue, so whenever I have had to sleep or take a bath he has been online looking at 100's of pics/videos. Typical response was why does it matter if I look at artistic/tasteful pics, they make me feel good! It seems common to me that men do what makes them feel good without thinking of the consequences to their partners. Why am I the one that feels degraded? On a positive note we have enrolled in counselling, and he made the call, but we have a longway to go to rebuild the trust. Remember guys when you find someone special, an old cliche but true 'Women need to feel loved to have sex, men need sex to feel loved'.

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Continued........... I forgot to mention that the pics etc, were anything but tasteful and artistic!!! At least they are to me, I can't put into words the hurt I feel, but I hope with counselling we can work through this and get our relationship back on track.

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this blog inspired me and i was going well....for about two months i didn't watch anything related to porn...but then i stupidly came across some and watched it! i know that it isn't an addiction for me but over time i just get fustrated, but i am going to start again and i know that maybe because i am a virgin and have never had a girlfriend and aged 21! my feelings can be a bit sad.

thanks for helping jason and you were right in those two months i kept myself busy and the fall came when i was on my uni holidays and bored out of my mind

i refuse to be beaten and keep on watching porn....i will just have to start from day one!

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Addicts Partner - Thank you for posting, and I really hope that counselling is proving helpful for you both.

"Why am I the one that feels degraded?" Unfortunately, this is a very common reaction for partners of porn addicts. When the person that we love and trust behaves in this way, we turn all the blame and disgust upon ourselves. What's wrong with me? Why aren't I enough for him? It's a horrible situation for any wife or girlfriend to face.

It's essential to realise that his habit isn't a reaction to you. Chances are, he got into the habit of managing his emotional needs with porn long before you came into his life. Now the onus is on him to make some changes so that your relationship can work.

Mark - Hey good attitude there. Yes it's a slip, and it's disappointing and frustrating. But you've realised that it doesn't have to mean a return to the old ways. You have gained a bit more insight, and can carry on working to get the life you want. Good luck!

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that true Jason, it was very fustrating but i realized that i just have to start again, i have installed open dns (just in case i get fustrated an urge surf) and also realized that i have to be like a smoker who is quitting smoking....i wouldn't go to a place i know where cigarettes are or put one in my mouth lol.

i'm doing this because i know i will get a girlfriend the right way and not depend on porn, i guess it is hard sometimes when you haven't been in a relationship and at the age i am but with your help i am learning to speak to women and realize that porn is just acting and not reality.

p.s. you are right i have got a better insight!

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