Giving up porn: when will the urges stop?
Yesterday I enjoyed catching up with a family man who bought my Porn Game Over guide back in early 2008. George worked the plan and hasn't watched porn for well over a year now. Now that his marriage is back on track, he's feeling a lot more positive about himself. It goes without saying that this feedback pleases me immensely.
Now George had a question. Very occasionally, he still feels the inclination to get on the computer and download some porn. Does this mean that he's still a porn addict, and could slip right back at any time? Why are these old urges still hanging around after all this time?
Of course, George has learned how to handle these occasional urges; that's been key to his success so far. He recognises potential trigger situations and the 'urge surfing' technique has almost become second nature. George also invests his time and enthusiasm into other things; he runs a home business and teaches rugby at the weekends.
Essentially, George has overcome the self-conflict and torment of his old habit. Porn has practically no influence over his life. With his confidence and new coping skills, I say that he has well and truly moved on.
So many ex-smokers notice that they still feel a desire for a cigarette after, say, an enjoyable meal or when they feel stressed. My father quit 40 years ago but still feels a slight craving at Christmas. It's not a risk or slippery slope; they simply notice the old urge and let it pass. George has learned to do the same.
Mark Twain wrote "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
Similarly, successfully overcoming a porn habit means resistance to urges, mastery of urges - not total absence of urges!
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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10 comments
Hello, I once had a really
Hello,
I once had a really strong porn dependency or porn viewing habit, I used to be hooked strongly on online porn. I used to have a large collection of porn DVD's and my use of porn had lasted since I was in my teens, I'm now 50. But I now consider myself as an EX Porn dependent ( someone who has finally let go of porn & has no overwhelming desire for porn in my daily life). I don't want to brag or come across as smug because I have overcome my problem with porn, my struggle with porn was real and was it was a very painful but through therapy I gained some powerful personal insights and it was these insights that I finally saw why I used porn. Since these insights I have let go the fundamental need for porn and seen that the root cause of my problems were way way back in my childhood and were not of my making. The result of these insights has been a healing process.
But I'm human & vulnerable like anyone else, and when I get upset, or angry or anxious or stressed some times I can see the old porn habit calling like a siren, calling to me like a ship being drawn onto the rocks. But noticing that this is the case its possible to avoid giving in to that magnetic force. And anyway one small slippage doesn't mean you have loss all your previous gains even if you do fall back once in a blue moon. If that slip does happen its vital to not beat the shit out of yourself but to forgive yourself and just move on. Just try to avoid porn again as much as possible. NOTE: A porn habit cannot be overcome without effort or staying the course of the required healing process but it can be done. I'm proof it can be done.
When you have a porn habit (
When you have a porn habit ( repeated behaviour pattern or a cycle of use & regret,etc) or porn dependency, it is an unconscious pattern of behaviour and is in my opinion largely driven by unconscious forces deep within the human psyche. It takes a very self aware person to look out for the sometimes quite suble ques that trigger a porn session, such sessions are often driven by the desire to escape from difficult feelings like anxiety, uncertainty or anger but porn is just a means to an end in blocking out (numbing) those emotions. However, avoiding such feelings doesn't solve the problem or take away the feelings long term. Those feelings still remain alive but now buried deeper down in the psyche, & so is the porn habit too and this is part of the reason such patterns of using porn come back to bite us on the bum from seemingley no where!!
**until the deeper issues & associated feelings are faced felt & released then the porn habit will still have life. An ongoing porn dependency is fuelled by repressing our true authentic emotions.
That's another problem with
That's another problem with porn, the more you use it. The more it opens up the psychic emotional wound and in combination with repressing your feelings too makes for a pretty pernicious mixture. However, the good news is that the more distance you can gain between yourself and using porn the greater the chance you give your psyche of healing or restoring a new balance. The human body-mind will heal itself if only you allow it half a chance.
The "sexual urges" will only
The "sexual urges" will only stop when you stop using porn, why? because porn only pushes the unexpressed emotions deeper into the body-mind. Thus only by stopping using porn can those feelings have a chance to resurface and be felt (experienced or expressed), only bye releasing those blocked or numbed out emotions can you reduce or stop the pattern of obsession porn usage.
**OR to put it another way, using porn frequently proves you have a habit, a habit is the same as saying you have a "pattern". That pattern is buried within your unconscious mind (psyche) and the only way to reduce or end the power that this pattern has on you is to reach the root cause of that pattern. But the root cause of such patterns are within your unconscious mind and the only way to melt or heal or end the pattern is to release the feelings or emotions that are bound up to that pattern. When the root cause is uncovered through insight & emotional catharsis then the pattern is ended and thus the forces that drive a person to use porn are ended. The final result of this often long process is a total lack of desire or interest in pornography. This doesn't mean you wont have sexual urges or feelings it just means such emotions will now find the appropriate place within a human relationship with the self or with a partner. i.e. releasing yourself from a porn dependency is a healing process but its very hard to do this alone, it really requires a skilled counselor or therapist in my opinion.
OMG I didn't there are porn
OMG I didn't there are porn addiction too! I got a friend who has tons of porn videos and collection, maybe he's an addict already. I'll let him see this article and convince him to stop watching porn too much.
Hi, Yet another problem
Hi,
Yet another problem with using porn is that many people naively think porn is just a bit of light hearted fun and nothing to be concerned about. It would be OK if that was true but sadly its often not the case at all. Using porn is not something that doesn't have longer lasting consequences. If you view porn and use it in conjunction with masturbation then it can have much more serious consequences, it can become habit forming and it can become quite a driven compulsive habit thats hard to truly shake off.
I have been watchin porn from
I have been watchin porn from well over 6 years. I don't know how to stop. ''''''''''''''''''''''help me
I agree with alex it is not
I agree with alex it is not easy to quit. You have to look at the root causes. For me it also goes to childhood. I have been clean for 2 months now but then went back and slipped. I am determined not to slip again and have started developing new interest. For me i did not know why i had low self esteem i thought it was just normal watching porn since i started young.
I guess one needs to figure out a technique to get rid of the urges and also how to deal with anxiety and fear when they come up. Does anyone experience fear and anxiety?
How long does the brain take to get back to normal once you quit? Appreciate any advise.
lastly should one confront the people who put them in the trauma as a kid or just let it go.
I am determined to end this pain once and for all
Sali
I Am A Pron Addict I Just
I Am A Pron Addict
I Just Watched It Right Now Helllppp
Me I Am A Christian And i Dont Want To
Set A Bad Example To God So Please Help I Think
I Need To Pray To Jesus To Get Rid Of This Addiction
Before its To Late..I Am Sorry Jesus!!!
And I Promise I Will Not Watch Porn Again..!!!!
A Reall Promise(:
Porn addiction is a real
Porn addiction is a real addiction. I have been a addict for close 15 years. It's difficult to quit, but from personal experience it takes around 30-90 days to dump the addiction. After this it's a matter of getting into a new habit of handling those urges. We tend to think as addicts that our urges will grow and grow and grow, but it's a lot like a wave. it reaches to a certain height, and then it goes down again.
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