As a straight man, why does gay porn turn me on? CN's story

Submitted by a reader on Thu, 05/08/2010 - 21:56

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I'm 26 and have always thought of myself as being straight and never questioned it. I've always constantly been very turned on by girls in real life situations since I was about 9 and consider myself to be more red blooded than most guys I know. I get erections in public places by just looking at an attractive girl.

The problem is that I've been using porn for years now and decided I would check to see if I was aroused by gay porn. I've checked before and have been aroused but this time I was intensely turned on, more so than I can ever remember and could have ejaculated without touching myself. I have thought about it since and again I have become intensely aroused. It makes me feel really bad and filled with anxiety and I pray not to become aroused which I believe heightens it. Also I have read that plenty of straight guys become aroused by gay porn and the sexual act but this was solo and it is the fact I became probably more aroused than ever that really gets to me.

This has now made me question my sexuality which as I say I have never done before. I have always been in relationships with woman (though I've only been in love once at 16) and as I say constantly desire woman I see day to day wishing I could sleep with them. I really love the female figure and I love being around woman and picture myself settling down with a woman once I find the right one. I have never in a real life situation been attracted to a guy whatsoever, could never picture myself kissing a guy and could never picture myself settling down with one.

Which brings me to my question. Based on what I have said do you think my intense arousal is just down to a porn addiction and a quest for novelty or could this be a sign that I'm at least bi-sexual? It makes me wonder because you hear of people 'realising' later in life.

Your reply would be much appreciated as this is really mentally effecting me and I need some closure on it.

Hi CN,

Thanks for sharing this, and raising an issue that many men are silently struggling with.

It seems to me that homoerotic porn has been absorbed much more into the porn mainstream, and the anonymity and diversity of internet porn is the major reason for this. More red-blooded, women-fancying men are exploring transsexual, bisexual and even gay porn and finding that it turns them on.

As far as I'm concerned, exploring different territories of sexual fantasy isn't such a bad thing. Exploring becomes problematic when it leads to feelings of anxiety, fear or self-disgust. Some guys get locked into rituals of compulsive gay porn viewing followed by 'never again' purging promises, or gay-fears-focussed OCD (so called HOCD). It can become a nightmare.

"I have never in a real life situation been attracted to a guy whatsoever, could never picture myself kissing a guy." You said it - you aren't gay or bisexual. You have discovered a turn-on that exists only in the realms of your sexual imagination.

Sometimes, this simple realisation is enough to diffuse the anxiety. You can be interested in gay porn without being gay. But if you are concerned about ongoing bad feelings, or feeling as if you compulsively seek novelty porn for any reason, getting some counselling can be really useful. Just talking helps put things into context.

I hope this is helpful, and can definitely recommend this article about HOCD.

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Hello,

no.1 ALL of us include male & female aspects to our fundamental nature, like Yin & Yang, active & passive, hard & soft,etc. Therefore its quite normal to be interested in & to want to understand & comprehend our own nature, to explore the boundaries & limits of our human nature including our sexuality.

no.2 I think there is a great deal of confusion & stark difference between real life sexual feelings & attractions & desire, & the online world created by the internet. Porn & sexual fantasy and sexual imagination may well cause arousal at the sight of certain sexual acts that so called normal heterosexual men may not look at.

no.3 Gay porn also includes a good deal more fetishistic material than much main stream porn (vanilla porn if you like). Gay porn includes much more use of leather, rubber, PVC, bondage,etc. Sometimes its this fetishistic aspect that makes gay porn appear even more appealing.

no.4 OK! Just because you viewed gay porn & found it arousing doesn't automatically make you gay or even bisexual. All this proves is that gay porn touches a particular spot in your sexual imagination & that you find it exciting, or may be it just touches a edge or interest you might have in certain bi-sexual experiences. Gay porn obviously does touch a certain spot in your sexual interest but it doesn't mean you are gay or even bi-sexual bye default though. Sexual fantasy or sexual imagination is different from sexual reality though.

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one of the smartest comments ever written on topic..

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This was so well said that this made me found myself once again sexually. I took some bi-sex test's on the internet and they said i was gay.. Only because i answered that i watch a lot of gay porn and fantasise.. But your answer was better than any test. THANK YOU! =)

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Dear CN,

I am a bisexual woman. Years ago I had never been with a woman, I was just watching girl on girl porn. I was a little confused by me being turned on by looking at girls porn. I never saw myself as being a lesbian because I loved being with men!! And I never saw myself having a romantic relationship with a woman..
A few years later, I found myself having sex with a woman. I was the most excited I had ever been. To make the story short, I continued having sexual relationships with women, but I could not have a romantic relationship. Back then, I was never turned on by any women I saw in real life, now I am.
I am bisexual, I love my husband and love being in love with a man. I miss being with a woman though, I'm going to admit that.
So my whole point is.. There might be a chance of you being bisexual.There is nothing wrong with that.
I believe that porn activates some hidden interests that we have never experienced before. I do not believe that somebody is turned on by gay porn because its "forbidden"..there are sooo many forbidden things online..why gay porn?!?!?
I don't believe that somebody is turned on by gay porn because of the bondage stuff..there is so much woman-man bondage porn online..why gay porn?!?!?
In my opinion..if you get turned on both genders..your bisexual. And we all should work on being more open to that idea..there is nothing wrong with that.

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Your wrong. You are being to black and white about it. I'm attracted to girls a lot, however I'm in a similar situation. However, I was exposed to gay porn at a young age (7th grade) because kids in my school said guys can have sex. So I decided to check it out, and I was hooked on it ever since. But I do agree with the fact that it unlocks things. What it unlocks is a monster the screws with your brain. After a while, I started to look at men who gave off that sexual vibe synonymous to the people in the porn that I was watching. For example, the stupid guys who grope each other "mocking" gay people. I wasn't attracted to guys. Just potential people that I pictured in the locker scene. After porn, the monster would go away and then I would feel ashamed of what I did. It makes you think the wrong things. I never pictured myself dating a guy or anything like that. Honestly the most I could see is kiss and that wouldn't even last long for I am not really into guys. I'M INTO THE PORN!!!!! So, I decided to lay off the porn. After that, my mind hardly ever wondered in that direction. I was into girls at a much stronger level. Then, I looked at straight porn, and I enjoyed it too!!!! Bisexual porn to. Not trans and bondage. Not lesbian either (only rarely). I noticed a trend in all the porn I watched. It was all hardcore AND erotic. It wasn't like i went straight to gay porn. It would take me five minutes to find a "good one" and I never watch the whole thing. It mostly involves rewinding to specific moments. My advice to everyone is DON'T WATCH PORN!!!! IT MESSES WITH YOUR MIND!!!!! SURE ITS HOT AND ALL, BUT IT TRAPS US ALL IN A FANTASY THAT DOESNT MATCH REALITY!!!

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Wow thats crazy, thats true for me too. i hardly ever find a good one and can never seem to watch the whole thing. i get locked into moments and keep rewinding. i always thought i was weird. also for whatever reason i can only get turned on by reading sex from straight books but very rarely get turned on by straight porn from watching it.

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I do not believe that if you watch gay porn..you're automaticlly gay..but I think you have some kind of sexual interest about it.
Online porn offers such a huge variety of different fetishes and kinds of porn, that we select what trigers something inside of us. We, for the most part, aren't aware of our sexual fantasies and preferences until something triggers them..and we feel the reaction by getting turned on.
Now there might be different reasons why we would get turned on..but..let me ask you something..
How do you know you like women???? Because you get turned on by women, right?
Doesn't the fact that you get turned on by gay watching men having sex, mean that you might have an interest in men?

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Hello again,

Replying to F,

Quote:- Doesn’t the fact that you get turned on by gay watching men having sex, mean that you might have an interest in men?

Ans: - You are making an assumption here but frankly the point you make is rather simplistic. Why? because there are many many different and totally unconscious motives or factors which might result in a person being turned on (aroused) by gay porn. Without the viewer being gay themselves. Sometimes there are issues such as power games or power dynamics involved which might be very arousing to the watcher but has little too do with it being male on male. There could be issues of control, dominance or submission,etc Its not always the most overt reasons.

Part of the reason we get aroused is that there is ALWAYS a personal unconscious issue or theme as to why we get turned on. Its NOT always the most obvious reasons that are the causes of our arousal but there is always a core message or theme that our unconcious or sub conscious is trying to tell us. You are right to question why it turns you on but the actual answer may not be what you expect it too be. That is the nature of the human psyche.

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Hey, I believe it is very true about
"Sometimes there are issues such as power games or power dynamics involved which might be very arousing to the watcher but has little to do with it being male on male. There could be issues of control, dominance or submission,etc Its not always the most overt reasons."

I love exploring porn, all kinds of porn because i find regular porn very very very very boring, and there are certain stuff that turns me off and on. I have been a big foot fetish-er ever since i was 13 or 14, first time saw a porn ad with feet, and was amazed at how intrigued i was with it. later, I started getting intrigued by hentai (cartoon porn), and then transsexual porn. I'd say i'm a straight guy (perhaps maybe a lil bi-curious, but only to hot transsexuals) on the submissive side, due to the natural nature of foot fetishism. However, I do have a dominant side and alot of times in real life, when I have a sexual relationship, we switch roles, most girls I've been with are first weirded out by my foot fetish but then after they get used to it, it gets really fun mostly because of role switching. (since usually the guy is dominant during intercourse)

Recently, I decided to watch some gay porn, and hence it brought me to this blog, and it aroused me! But after I read this part, i think your right because it pin pointed how i'm getting aroused: i'm getting aroused by the act of dominating. A male that is willing to be so submissive to suck another man kinda makes me horny, not because it makes me want to suck a guy, but because seeing a submissive/dominating act like that pleases my eyes. they usually have to be scrawny and/or young men because i get repulsed by muscle, mature, and hairy people.

So it's interesting... I'm grossed out by the "manly figure", but turned on by the act of pleasing someone else. does this mean i'm gay or bi? i think it just means exactly that.
turn off: manly figure turn on: act of pleasing another

in transsexual porn, i can only watch hot or girl-like trannies because i'm turned off by the manly figure, but the act of a guy being dominated by a tranny is usually a lot more intense than a guy being dominated by a girl, hence i grew interest into this kinda porn.

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Alex,

This is not a "who has the best opinion" competition. You have your opinion, I have mine.
And my opinion is that if you get turned on by same sex, your bisexual. Why you get turned on by the same sex, is a different question.
You don't know if you are bixeual or not, until you have tried it. Then you know for sure.
Let me ask you a question..how do you know that you are not bisexual if you have never had sex with the same sex???

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CN - I identify as bisexual.

When I first realized this, I freaked out. A lot of the same thoughts went through my head as you described.

You a probably bisexual. I'd put it at 95% probability. It doesn't mean you aren't 'straight' as in - preferring - women, in means you aren't exclusively heterosexual.

If so, it'll take a while to get used to and do what you need to do for support - local LGBT organizations, friends, and so on. It is a huge shock if one discovers new sides of one's sexual identity. I fell into a deep depression myself. Total shock, never would have thought I could be into another guy.

I am now fairly confident that no amount of gay-porn watching, checking out guys, etc. etc. will take away the fact that I want to sleep with half the women I see daily. I have watched gay porn and then walked around checking out women the same day. At first it was very confusing. Now, I am pretty comfortable that these attractions are different sides of the same coin ... the coin being my sexuality. They are not mutually exclusive.

Now, not only is it not a big deal, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It takes awhile to get used to, but there is acceptance at the end of the tunnel and sometimes even joy.

Take it from a dude who has been there.

Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself.

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I'm not gay or anything, nor do I have any desire to be but I do have a warning. I've found out that the more I watch guy on girl porn, the more I want to have sex with girls. So wouldn't it be logical to assume that the more you watch gay porn the more you will want guys? Also I find new porn is more exciting that old porn, so maybe you are turned on by gay porn cuz it's new. Hope that helps and makes since

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I agree that the inference "watching gay porn means you're gay" is overly simplistic. It's like saying "having a porn addiction means you don't love your significant other/family." There are so many drives that operate within all of us human beings, and the difficulty lies in unraveling them and figuring out which stem from our "core" selves and which stem from societal and family-of-origin influences. When one has an addiction, which by nature shuts off important messages from that core self and makes a person overly susceptible to outside influence, it takes a lot of work to learn how to discern that inner voice/compass from all the societal and family messages absorbed over a lifetime.

That's not to say that someone who watches gay porn might *not* be gay, it just means that the addiction needs to be arrested before that can even be explored. That's why 12-step programs have the slogan "Nothing major in the first year" (meaning no major decisions for a while)--an addict needs to "detox" and get some distance from their addiction before they can even begin to figure out what's stemming from their core and what's being driven by their addiction.

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totally straight and totally gay ppl are rare a/c to some researches. a large percentage r hanging in between. maybe u're bi who's more inclined towards heterosexuality but u appreciate some form of homosexuality.
but by getting aroused by gay porn, doesn't make u straight. a research indicates that girls have more complex sexuality than guys. a completely hetero guy will not have any arousal at all watching gay porn whereas a straight grl might be aroused by a girl on girl action.
don't feel insecured. whether to explore ur new dimension of sexuality or not is totally in ur hands. if u r not attracted to guys in reality, ur inclination towards homosexuality may be very less.

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First of all,

Kudos to all of the well thought out answers on here. I sometimes wonder the same thing but then I sit back and think. I only see a future with a girl, i find the fenale body to be attractive. I've went a little deeper than you to really test out my sexuality.... I had a mutual masturbation and I felt so awful and dirty afterwards. I don't know what fascinates me about the porn but now I know the actual act of it completely repels me, I will never go back... yet I still watch the porn ...

Give you a little background.... I have had girlfriends and have been sexually active with them since I was 18. I may not have any fancy quote or impressive insight but I do have experience and I can relate. So to sum it up... you may be bi, you may be straight... hell if I know, but your NOT gay. IMO there's nothing wrong with being bi, in fact, if I am bi... I woildnt have it any other way .

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I have a question .... im am an 18 year old dude and im going insane. From the time i was little i always found girls attractive and only had crushes on girls in middle school. When i was younger my male cousin forced be to do gay things...... even thinking about it now repulses me. I knew i was straight when I was younger but that same cousin that abused me called me gay throughout my childhood..... it took serious tole on my confidence. At the same because I was a dork elementary school .... i always got denied and made fun of by the girls i liked. For some reason when i was 13, a friend showed me how to look up nude people on google. I dont remember how but somehow I got into regular porn at first and then gay porn. I think its because I was curious as to what my cousin had been calling me all these years. It eventually became an addiction until I got a girlfriend in eighth grade. When that happened(i didnt even realize it) i stopped watching the gay porn and was really crushing on my girlfriend. She broke up with me. Soon i found myself spiraling into gay porn again. The thing is during this whole time it never transferred into real life. I was still attracted to girls at school. Eventually shit hit the fan when my parents found out what I was doing. I kept telling them I wasnt gay but i felt only my dad believed me. Since then ive had this insecurity with my mother and still to date I have a hard time talking to her about anything involving sexual relations. So i was so repulsed at what I did and i was very confused because i realized i liked gay porn on the computer but women in real life. Eventually i saw lesbian porn with my male friend and i was really aroused. This got me into straight porn and I started becoming addicted to straight and lesbian porn. I still think I am to date. Throughout high school I hooked up with girls and every time I did I got so aroused I ejaculate just by cuddling with them. I had become this macho man that was miserable inside because all he wanted was a girl to love him the way he loved them. All i got were hook ups. I still am in love with a girl im still friends with and have been for the past 6 years. I get to college and my college is very pro gay..... i didnt realize that when I applied. Seeing those gay flags everywhere brought back all the pain i had from my childhood with my cousin and the gay porn. I recently succumbed to my emotions and wanted to make sure I was straight ..... looked at gay porn.... and was aroused again. NOW I AM CONFUSED. In real life all i fantasize about is having sex with women. I could never imagin myself kissing a dude, having sex with a dude or any of that ... in fact the mere thought makes me want to throw up. The problem is now I have dreams of me having sex with women that i know or have seen in real life, but i also dream of me watching gay porn and get aroused in my sleep aswell. Sorry I know this is long but I need help ...... and reading this post made me MUCH MORE CONFIDENT AND COMFORTABLE WITH WHATS GOING ON WITH ME. In my mind I know i am straight and I want to date, marry, and have kids with a woman. ALL i want is closer. Do you think my sexual perversion of gay porn is stemmed through my horrific childhood experiences? ......i just need closer so i can get on with my life and be myself again ... which i was happy with in high school. This is affecting me and my school work.

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I find it funny how some straight men go through great lengths to justify their heterosexuality when, in reality, would it really be that bad if they were attracted to men as well?

I'm gay, btw, but I find myself attracted to women once in a while, do I go crazy over that? no. I've had sex with women and enjoyed it. Dated women, didn't work out very well. I've had sex with men. Loved it. Dated a man, and fell in love.

See the thing is that, if your heterosexual, you'll want to spend your life with a member of the opposite sex. But it doesn't negate the fact that, sexually, your body can enjoy sex with the same sex as you.

You're probably not gay, but the fact that you are stressed about it makes me think maybe you're in denial? just sayin'

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I think I would say that I am what you might call communally bi. What I mean is that I could never imagine having a relationship with a guy, but if I was in a three way, I wouldn't mind playing with the guy as well.

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