Had a disturbing experience please help

Submitted by mrblue on Fri, 23/09/2011 - 21:30

mrblue's picture

Had a disturbing experience tonight and I need help. I am a happily married guy with a lovely son and another child on the way, but because my wife is pregnant I find I'm having no sex and watching more porn which I never had a problem with until tonight.

I was masturbating to a normal porn site with videos of women playing with themselves when for some strange reason on the same site whilst searching for masturbation I stumbled across male porn. Because I was already aroused by looking at the videos of women I found myself very alarmingly turned on by the video of two men, so much so that I carried on masturbating to it. I have NEVER had any gay tendencies before and can honestly say I am not attracted to men, but I was aroused by this. My thinking behind it was that because it seemed almost wrong and naughty to be watching it that made me more turned on rather than the gay sex itself.

I must also add that I have always been aroused by the idea of being naughty or doing something wrong and being punished for it, so this may be linked with the above.

I'm pretty sure I'm not homosexual or even bisexual for that matter, but ever since the above happened I have felt ashamed, disguisted and have started questioning my sexuality, it is driving me insane!! Please give me some advice :-(

Hello Mr Blue,

I completely understand why you would find this experience disturbing but watching, enjoying and being aroused by gay porn does not make you gay; perhaps in a similar way that watching lesbian porn doesn't make you a lesbian and enjoying an action film doesn't make you a closet killer.

Jason posted a relevant video on the front page from Joe Kort which covers this subject; it's actually very common for straight guys to look at gay porn and in fact even guys looking at straight porn tend to seek out men with big penises ('A Billion Wicked Thoughts' by Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam).

The essential point you made was "I'm pretty sure I'm not homosexual". You would feel differently if you were. So why did you get such a kick from looking at gay porn? You suggest some likely possibilities yourself - naughtiness, punishment - and there could be other flavours that are pushing your buttons - domination, disgust, pain.

So the question you probably need to ask yourself is whether you'll look at it again. If it makes you so uncomfortable then I would suggest you avoid it, unless that's why it's working for you, in which case you need to be aware the effect will likely diminish over time which might cause you to seek out heavier stuff. Still, by itself it's no bad thing, what you need to consider is how your wife would feel if she found out - most partners are very hurt and confused by this kind of discovery.

So I hope the above helps. In summary, you're not gay, looking at gay porn is ok in itself, but think about the impact on your relationship if you were to be discovered.

Thanks for posting.

reply

Thankyou so much for your comments, they have helped me, although I still feel a bit down about it all. I have suffered from anxiety depression and mild ocd in the past too which might also explain why I reacted it so badly.

I don't think I will ever watch any again, because I don't like the way it has made me feel. Thanks again for your help

reply

Post new comment

Drupal theme by Kiwi Themes.