Why cold turkey doesn't work - Jon's story

Submitted by a reader on Sun, 20/01/2008 - 11:03

a reader's picture

A reader kindly submitted this contribution:

I'm beginning to hate myself for watching so much porn and it seems like I never do much else now. I watch porn on the computer every day and usually end up laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling and wishing I didn't stay up so late doing it. I tell myself I'm not going to do it again and tomorrow will be different and a new start. This happens every day now over and over. I really want to change all of this and my life is a waste.

Your situation is going to sound horribly familiar to many readers of this blog.

"Right, that's it. All this porn has got to stop. It's out of control. Tomorrow will be different. From now on...". So many addicts have this inner conversation after a porn session, and it really does feel like the last straw. "My life is going to change tomorrow...".

This is cold turkey talk, and we all do it. It's our initial response to any bad habit, from biting our nails to watching too much porn. We tell ourselves that we're simply not going to do it anymore, but making this a reality is a very different story. Yes cold turkey might work for a few days or weeks, but pretty soon, we slip back into habit again. Sheer willpower is rarely enough.

In the rare cases that cold turkey successfully works out, there is usually some significant event or outside influence that makes the difference. A smoker might cold turkey quit because they have been diagnosed with a serious health problem. A porn addict might cold turkey quit because their partner walked out, or they were sacked for ogling porn in the office. Don't wait for something like this to come along for you.

Breaking a habit requires a two-pronged approach, and the good news is that you're halfway there. As well as deciding what you're going to stop doing, you should spend a little time planning what actions you are going to take. Research the porn addiction problem, join a support forum, talk to someone you can trust and adopt a quit plan. A recovery plan will help you to replace your habit, rather than bottle it up. You'll also find that you're certainly not alone here.

Of course, breaking an addiction requires motivation and a clear willingness to change. Your self-honesty and the very fact that you've submitted this message suggests to me that you certainly are ready to make some changes. You can channel that determination and powerful emotion into working on a quit plan, rather than beating yourself up over your habit.

Thanks for sharing your situation, and I wish you every success.

i can relate to this. the availability of free sites makes it hard to resist at times. i went through a long period of daily use. i've managed to avoid it for a 2/3 days at a time recently. i would like to move on from this and totally eliminate use all together. i'm glad to have found this site.

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I have had this problem for the last ten years .. I constantly fight the urge to view porn but at times I am not as strong, and as soon as I start looking its like i have to then view it, almost like i'm in a state that can't be broken ..

I am attempting to 'cold turkey' .. I think I have found a way to beat the addiction .. I will post back in a week to discuss ..

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Hi Sean,

Thanks for posting. As you probably read, I have my doubts about 'cold turkey' quitting, but if you are working on different approaches to support it... well that's a more rounded approach than just plan cold turkey..!

I wish you every success, and look forward to hearing more...

Best,
Jason

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Currently at 102hrs .. and I am beginning to feel surprising stronger .. today looking at porn wasn't even a consideration .. the key is to understand its power, gain leverage, and understand it's destuctiveness ..

The key is not to ask yourself 'how do I quit looking porn?'

But more appropriate is, 'what will happen if I don't quit looking at online porn?'

History has showed me that I have wasted so much time and effort .. there are so many things I want to do, and can do .. yet my time and focus has been wasted on porn ..

I don't want to be somebody that looks back at my life and says, 'I wish I could go back and do this ..' or 'if only I could have another chance, I wouldn't waste my time, I would get fit and healthy and have an active life! not sat in front of my computer hours on end looking at porn ..' well .. i'm not in anyway religious, but I got my chance now ..

I read somewhere on another site that online porn addiction is harder to break than a cocaine habit? Oh really .. I do love a good challenge!

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Just wanted to share what I have been doing .. so far so good!

1. Anytime I imagine online porn images that I have found the most arousing (these images are what have coerced me into returning before) I take the image in my mind quickly turn it to black and white, and shrink it, like it is moving away from me at a great pace. A common psychology trick to remove emotion attached someone or something. This has been the backbone of surviving this far. It seems that in the past thinking on how much I enjoyed the porn simply made me think, 'a little porn is okay ..' now i won't let it catch me .. it did well to catch me before .. i have learnt some new tricks now .. remember the longer you don't look at it, the easier it will be to condition yourself away from it ..

2. Ask yourself some questions, 'how can i stop looking at porn? how can i make this work? what will happen if i don't stop looking at porn? what damage will it do?' the thing is any question we ask ourselves, we can find the answer .. depressed people suffer from some questions such as, 'why does this always happen to me?' which the brain will find all the eivdence to support the question .. questions are very powerful, it drives our focus.

3. Challenge yourself to go cold turkey .. it is very hard to do .. harder to quit than cocaine .. (challenges are great) I challenge anyone to stop looking at porn! always saying i can quit if i want to .. prove it! 10 days without looking at porn .. none at all ..

I am currently using quite a lot of techniques such as no.1 .. today four days on, I am beginning to find the idea of looking at online porn a little degrading and as a weakness that i have had .. the longer i don't look, the more i move away from who i was .. i am finding it easier ..

* erm don't go without masturbating for a long time when initially going cold turkey, your focus will be harder to direct away.

Well hopefully i will be back in another few days with continuing success!

I am 32, having been looking intensely at porn for a most of my adult life .. I work full time, i have private access to a computer at home when i'm at home, i am not religious.

Sorry for the long comments!!!

Thanks for the support Jason .. any comments or advice? :)

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Just feading some of the rest of the site .. my explorer brought me to this page, sorry for posting randomly on someones thread!

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163 hrs .. getting a little difficult, but so far so good ..

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Hi Sean,

Thanks for the update, and for sharing your techniques!

Funnily enough, I've seen quite a bit of discussion about NLP/psychology techniques in porn addiction blogs and forums recently. Now I'm no NLP expert, but I do practice clinical hypnotherapy and there is a fair bit of overlap.

Modality distortion tricks, like taking an image and shrinking, distancing or recolouring, can be amazingly useful for reprogramming our instinctive reaction to a trigger. These techniques can prove effective for treating a range of issues, from performance anxiety to panic attacks.

When working with porn addiction, however, I generally take a more concentrated counselling approach. Now this is where your 'what will happen if I don't quit' really clicks with me. We can become hell-bent on stopping some bad habit or behaviour, but it is often much more beneficial to focus on 'what does this habit prevent me from doing or achieving?'. This gives us some real perspective on the long-term consequences of our habit, and we can take positive action from there.

So a combined approach, taking pointers from various different therapies, is a great way to go. I hope you are continuing to gain insight from your recovery challenge, and wish you ongoing success!

Best,
Jason

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Hey guys, i used to have a porn addiction and well i had a brilliant plan. Instead of going "cold turkey" like the man says won't work, well he's right. The human body is very adaptable and very good at it, especially whens there is something that gives us pleasure. Smoking, porn, chocolate, you see the link?

Right well lets say you do quit straight away, you've just took away the mental pain you get from the habit but the physical pleasure you got from it will strike you down and demand it and eventually crush your willpower, you know who'll win!

So my plan was to not stop immediately or to ignore it, first of all i took one night and told myself to watch porn for three hours. I said to myself i aint going to bed without watching and masturbating over porn until 3 hours time. So i made it to 1 hour and already felt tired and horrid, i couldn't lift a finger, let alone an erection. I pushed on again for another hour and then i really didnt have it in me, but guess what, i went to bed completely exhausted.

Right so in the morning i got out of ebd had a shower and cleaned myself up, then i got through the day ok but what the nightime dread? It came to night time i sat in my room on the laptop and saw my favourite porn page under history as i looked for a recent game i played and then i remembered the tiredness i got from it and the dirtiness and all of a sudden i felt like taking a bath. So i did. After i was nice and clean and went back to my laptop and i couldnt go on it, just didnt feel up to it.

Now a few days later i became desperate again, and so i went on the page and looked at it and thought what do i want out of life? A cum covered laptop? Or to follow my adventurous dreams! So i turned on some relaxing music and turned the porn of and masturbated using my mind. After this i felt relaxed and had a bath, then it all came clear to me, i didnt feel like watching porn because it felt nothing like masturbating using my mind, relaxed and i also felt complete for the night and so that was it. I made sure i did that once every day for a fortnight and eventually it went to two days a week with little effort and well i can't help the occassional one but the porn has gone and so has the fake glamour of fake stars on drugs.

If you want to talk then ill be here every month to check up =) be strong. Nick x

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im trapped ive reached peak watched all sorts of porn all types and nothing anymmore i've simply peaked. I don't know my sexuality anymore i can't feel anything in the real world can't remember the last time i got hot over a girl in real life, i feel horrible. Did cold turkey make you more receptive to real life, I need to do something about this

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Hi Jason,

I am now on 248hrs of not being in contact with anything that might be considered porn! I have created an excel spreadsheet to monitor my progress, when I look at how far I have come, I don't want to let myself down (more leverage techniques) I am trying to give myself every advantage whilst dealing with this .. so far this is the longest by far that I have not looked at porn, previous stints were more because of a broken computer!

I have noticed how much more spare time I have, I have always been healthy and into fitness, but really been going to the gym more lately. Whilst the imagery occassionally comes into my mind, I aknowledge that it is there, and use what ever techniques I can to remove the emotional attachment I have to that imagery.

I realise now that previously, I would not look at porn for a few days, and then my mind would conjur up imagery that affected me the most, I would latch onto the feelings it gave me before going look at / download porn .. I was obsessed with gathering as much as I could, which i wouldn't usually even look at .. (I noticed this as one of the symptoms mentioned whilst browsing the site!).

I am not trying to fight my wanting to look at porn, i'm trying to take away it's power over me ..

This site is really great for motivation!

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This is my belief.

We were created intimate beings. We have been filled with passion and it is a river and it will flow. You can't damn it up forever the levies will brake and you'll go back to familiar ways unless there is a new direction for that passion to flow.

A passion for porn must be replaced with a passion that fulfills our innate desire for intamacy, closeness, connection, and love.

Porn can't do that, but God can. Love him with reckless abandon and give all your passion to Him. Because of what his son Jesus Christ did we can cry out to God without hesitaion knowing that he loves all peoples without exception.

God doesn't care about your sin, he sent Jesus to take all that on him self, God cares about you.

God bless,
Spunky844

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Hi - I'm new here.
I read the Guardian article and immediately made a not of the quit porn addiction website address. I'm hoping that the pdf book will help me.
I am immediately suspicious though, reading a handful of the comments on herre, of the mention of God and Jesus.
I am not a religious person, and I firmly believe that any talk of God's love and Jesus blah blah blah, is really not going to help any but the most gullible of people.
I'm looking for a real answer and I shall be downloading the book hopeful that it isn't just another God-bothering load of nonsense.
Peace and love to you all.
Dreamer

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Hi Dreamer,

I'm pleased that you found the Guardian article interesting and wish to explore further.

For the record, my approach to working with porn addiction is not faith-based and the same applies to my Porn Game Over recovery guide.

We all have different approaches and inspirations, and people who take a Christian approach are welcome to comment and express their views on this site. I've also had feedback from faith-motivated individuals who have enjoyed my book and found it helpful.

In my own counselling work and writing, however, there is no religious content. It's just not my perspective.

Best,
Jason

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Thanks for the feedback, Jason. I always get concerned when I see religious perspectives being espoused as the answer to whatever ill or evil is being discussed. I'm reassured that your method come from a non religious approach and do, of course, support anybody's right to whatever faith or otherwise they may or may not choose. I'll be watching and reading the site and it looks like downloading the book.
Thanks again.
Dreamer

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My constant struggle to quit this soul numbing habit pushed me into looking for solutions over the internet and here is where I have landed. It is comforting and re-enforcing to see so many of you in the same situation as me. I am 33 and as some of you, have spent almost the entire adulthood watching porn and masturbating. Initially it was not porn, it was just masturbation (I will refer to it as M) and back in the school and college days I used to M when I was stressed mostly to relax myself before an exam or something like that. But at some point all this changed and I was M'ing like crazy and porn just added fuel to the fire. Now everyday I say to myself that I will quit tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. It is like my mind is on auto-porn mode. I am married and recently became a father. I know very well that someday I will pay dearly because of this addiction.

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I'm struck ill, by the condemnation, and condescension of the above post for those who've posted their personal perspective on fighting pornography addicition. To imply one's post is gullible, and describe previous posters as polluting this blog with "god bothering-loads of nonsense, then to follow that up with Peace and Love to You All is garbage, or at the very least hypocritical. Because one believes in God and Jesus does not make them gullible or stupid. In fact, the power of God and His son Jesus Christ have transformed more lives over the course of human history than any phsychological programming or modernized self help philosophy could ever hope to, and THAT IS A FACT. I'm not spoiling for a fight, and have no desire to engage is some moralistic debate with anyone. I'm simply exhausted, and a little perturbed by the constant condemnation and condescension toward those who espouse a belief in Jesus. "The world hated me, and they will hate you as well." Jesus Christ

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one day i was walking down the street and a dude comes up to me and basically starts trying to get me to come to his religious group's next get together. i politely told him i wasn't interested but he kept at it, following me as i kept walking. i repeated that i wasn't interested, and asked him to leave me alone. he, as you might guess, kept trying to get me to say i would attend. by this point (3 strikes you're out) i'd had enough and civilly asked him if he and his group believed in free will and respecting the wishes of others....happy to have some dialogue, he replied "yes" - which lead to my next point "so why aren't you respecting my wishes to be left alone?". he got this really bugged look on his face - he wanted to say something back, but it was checkmate, nothing he could do. he walked away pissed off, and i got my peace and quiet.

now what does that have to do with porn, and this forum? here's the point...there are ^some^ religious people who see it as their mission to convince others that their beliefs are right, and they tend to get out and get in people's faces. once you've had that a few times, or seen what that sort of attitude can do (if you're not inclined to go along with it), you become wary of similar encounters. So although i agree with Jason that someone wishing to have input concerning this topic and how religion has helped them should definitely be able to make their contribution, I think that when they do that, if they want to avoid looking like they are sermonizing or trying to convert people, they should make it really clear they are only speaking about what has worked for them, and are not advocating everyone else follow in their footsteps.

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that said, perhaps i should make a direct contribution to this topic - which is why cold turkey doesn't work.

i've tried cold turkey so many times i can't remember how many it's been. obviously it hasn't worked for me so far. it came close a few times, but more and more it seemed that if i was even going to try cold-turkey, i would need to be able to make some break or change (like moving to a new place, or starting a new job, or maybe getting a tatto) to signify that this was a new start that WAS different from the other times. currently i'm all out of changes i can think of making, except the tattoo. which if it meant more than just quitting pron and also has some more life-positive message to it, might still be a good idea.

but why did cold turkey fail for me before? certainly i'd quit with total determination a number of times. i think it's because i didn't have enough to replace that activity with. a suggestion would be, before you quit, start building up little activities that you'll be ready to really spend some time with after you quit. don't quit with nothing ready to fill your time, even better start getting into something slowly, and you may find that it will start to push porn out by itself (though most likely you will need to make the final push). one other thing could be, try to make one of those activities something where the focus is not yourself. charity efforts for example, take the focus off you, away from your temptation, plus can (for some) make you feel like you're a human being totally worthy of being on this planet, living a good life. which is something you'll need to fight any further urges - if you see yourself as unworthy, you will go back, simply because you won't imagine that someone you don't respect (that's you) would be able to do something that takes a lot of strength, ie. quitting this stuff.

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Hi Sean

How have you been getting on? Are you even nearer to recovery? I hope the absence of any posts means you're doing well!!!

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well I just want to say that cold turkey does work for some people!
I quit smoking after 5 years and did it cold turkey! How did I do it? Well many attempts failed before it, what happened in the end is I realized a) I just had to say no to it over and over again b) I made a concerted effort to reason with myself to quit.

I also quit pornography, after watching almost daily!
- I quit in the same way a) just said no over and over again, or in other words did not look at it cold turkey and b) made a concerted effort to reason with myself

- Now reason is tricky, one of the ways that i continued in my addictions was reasoning that it was OK or using reasoning to prove to myself that I did not need to quit.
- You need to ask yourself serious questions, look at real data, and look at all the possible angles
- now it could just be the academic in me but i feel that if you fail to properly reason about the situation, take a critical and thorough look at it then you will never recover because you will not understand what is happening to your mind and body - again & again & again
- And I think it is obvious that you do replace activities with quitting however in the case of smoking this amounted to me simply staring at a wall for 15 min on my smoke break instead of joining in with the others and killing myself - same with pornography you can twiddle your thumbs or whatever as long as it is not pornography

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I am struggling less and less with porn addiction. I tried the 12-step thing and found that for me it was counter-productive. The central premise is that we are helpless to the addiction, and that we will 'always' remain an addict, and that only god can heal us. How disempowering! For a start, why identify as an 'addict'? The addiction is not what we truly are! This identification only serves to keep one coming back to the 'group' indefinitely.

The only times I have ever had success is when I have decided that I really, really do want to give it up. That's right, human will. I stop being a slave when I get off my knees. People survived concentration camps for god's sake! Rape and torture! Why should the temporary pain of withdrawal be such a big deal? If we really want something, nothing can stop us from getting it but ourselves. If we really want freedom from porn, nothing can stop us from getting it. (Unless someone holds a gun to our head every night and forces us to watch porn.)

The key is...MOTIVATION. Find out WHY porn should be given up. No point doing something out of a vague feeling of guilt. Knowledge is power.

Then map out the HOW. This will include substituting wholesome, nurturing activity for the previously unwholesome one.

Over time the brain rewires itself back to equilibrium and normal brain chemistry is regained.

I am part of the way through this process myself. It is challenging but much less challenging than losing your wife or job is it not? What to speak of surviving a prison camp. Good luck everyone on this journey.

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I am struggling with this. I am a Christian and by far imperfect. I need to focus my mind on something else besides girls. What hits me the most is that I might be about to see it, but I feel the filthyness and the dirtyness (i would start with watching girl kisses and move up unfortunately) and then I stop. I might come later but i usually stop. God stops me, i've been many times about to put it on, but i feel this sudden energy rush that makes me say "no, this isn't what i want."

This new found will power lasts a prolonged period of time (months), until become stubborn and do what i dont have to do.

I've noticed that it only happens when i am far away from God. For example, if i haven't read my bible lately (whether you believe it or not, God talks to us through his word), or if I have been doing wrong things lately (any wrong thing.)

I know that God is the only one I need to get over this. God knows what i want... Love and not lust, and this is what i've been getting. Sometimes i can't even get it up while watching it because i think "this isn't what i want, she's just jumping on him, she doesn't know him, maybe they don't even like each other" and that makes me get off from it. What God has to offer me is much more better: a life with a woman that I love, me being her only man and she being my only woman, doing that because we love and trust each other.

God can give you all an amazing experience, a clean experience. You only have to ask him. That is what I do. God is amazing

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ummm, this is a little embarrasing but um, i'm 14 and i know it may be weird looking at a kid's comment on a (presumably) adult site. but uh, I just can't stop and I really want to so if any one has some help for me that would (hopefully) not have to be shared with anyone else in my personal life it would be appreciated.

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hi all,
I have been addicted to pornography for 12 years (I'm 28), and have forever tried to end the addiction. My mst successful times have lasted under a month. It eats away most of my precious time. What makes it harder is the fact that I am a writer, and so spend much time on my laptop typing away.
How I've wished to stop. I last week, after three weeks of nursing the idea of acting upon my sexual fantasies, I finally sought a prostitute. Although I used a condom (2 in fact), I feel so bad that things have gotten this far, that I put myself at such risk of catching an AIDS (condomes are not 100% effective, and I had oral sex).
I've set myself to beat this addiction next year - my 2009 resolution. But how I shake my head even now at the enormous task ahead. I have sought help online, in print media, but to no avail.
I also am a smoker, which I am also not proud of. Yes, I feel a wretch, but if I succeed for the next 24 hours without watching porn I shall share my joy with you. A long journey starts with one step. Perhaps one of you is looking to stop the addiction too, we could share thoughts here. Happy New Year friends.

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I struggle with this problem but I'm making serious progress how? Well I started by downloading Internet filters and used the parental controls on windows vista then I stopped using my computer and found it on. Mobile devices so I got rid of m you I've and used willpower "but what about porn mags?" I am I Christian and a very devoted and the instant porn entered my life outside of I'm up at night I took steps and stopped it before it got to the point where I would spend Money on it

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Hey guys, I have the same problem lol. Except im addicted to torture porn. I hate it because im viewed at as this really cute nice guy, which I am, and thats exactly how i want it. But this torture porn thing is totally out of my character. How it started was when i was young, around 12, I saw my dad looking at porn. I looked at the history and started there then explored some more then found well.. this. and i've been going back to it for 6 years now (18). Seriously, and now that New Years just passed, and this chick wanted to do things and i had to pass it off cause i KNOW i wasn't going to get aroused enough (because torture porn gets me off.. >_>) ahhh, im sure some of you feel my pain in that area. I seriously, seriously want to get this over with. Todays a start, had some stir-ups but today definatly no porn. Tomorrow and onward is going to be tough. I've planned to see a hypnotist to try and dig out all the psychological bs that comes with my case and hopefully by next chance a beautiful girl comes by ;] well you know. Good luck to all and wish me luck as well.

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Sean, your an inspiration to us all, but how in the world did you keep track of all those hours? I tried something similar to what you did, except i just kept track of how many days i had gone without masturbating or porn. i have since slipped out of keeping track and fell back into my old habits when the device i was using to keep track broke. i might try a chart, but i live with other people who dont know about my problem and i dont want to be too conspicuous. i found this site cause i am sick of my addiction. i feel bad about it, as i am somewhat religious (not crazily religious) and i dont feel like i can have a relationship with a girl while i have this addiction. i feel like im almost cheating on a girl when i view porn and we are dating. hopefully i'll find a solution.

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Wow, as I read a lot of the comments from the guys on here I'm encouraged to know I'm not the only one. My biggest temptation in my life right now would defiantly be viewing porn. It may in fact be one of the new millennium drugs, and just the thought of how many kids are getting expose to that trash gives me even more motivation not to consume it, thus support/endorse it. I am hopeful that we who have stopped will continue on that road and never look back. And the person who said when he commented "the longer you go without looking at it, the easier it will become to not look at it.", is so right.
God bless you guys...

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I've been struggling with internet porn and masturbation since my early teens (am 25 now). It's part of my daily schedule and I look at all types and genres of porn...I've noticed I started looking at some of the more extreme stuff in the last few years.

I've been looking for ways to quite for literally years and haven't found an "all inclusive easy" method yet . I feel like I have an incredibly vast, yet useless, knowledge of porn addiction, yet haven't been able to help myself with any real results.

Anyways, this has to stop. I've read countless personal stories about people suffering through this, and also success stories. I just need some simple techniques. Sean I like your approach, and will be trying that with some other techniques to see what happens.

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i decided to go cold turkey 12 days ago. wow. just counting that was painful. it feels like it has been forever, at least fourteen days, i thought, but no, it's only been 12 days. it's been great, after masturbating since i was 13 (i am now 38), that's 25 years of masturbating and looking at porn, i am going cold turkey. i tried once and succeeded for a whole month when i was 23 but that was when porn wasn't on the internet. now it is everywhere. i saw my relationships with my girlfriends distintegrate because of porn. i feel strong right now. i feel more at peace than ever in my life. i feel more like a man. i don't look at porn but i still have to fight the urge to resist masturbating. my x-girlfriend still masturbates a lot even calls me up to get off. i tell her that i have gone cold turkey and she's does not understand but uses me to get her off, yet she won't come and help me out so it's tough. the past 12 days have been really rough, i have sat there in my bed and stared at the ceiling wanting to masturbate, i am unable to do any work because i want it so bad. but it is getting easier as each day goes on. i feel stronger and more in control. the itch is gone and i am so much more relaxed and sleep in peace and walk around in peace. i have discovered that i am losing weight in the process and i am not even fat. my drive for food has also disappeared. if they say this is harder than quitting cocaine i have to give hats off to all the men who are able to go cold turkey. we are strong we can do it. just cold turkey. just say no. and do something else. i am starting to get disgusted at the the thought of porn or sex. i feel much higher than this and feel closer to a higher existence. while i am not able to do anything else all day but sit and fight my desire to masturbate, i am succeeding each day as it goes and i am noticing huge changes in my body. i used to suffer from severe depression after hugely long session of masturbation and looking at porn, but each day i am stronger and my depression more stable. it is tough but i know it is getting easier as i push each day further and further. at one point i will be liberated and set free and be this amazing man that has so much will power that other people will crumble and feel ashamed at their weakness for succumbing to sex addiction, masturbation and porn. you can do it. just keep thinking of how disgusting and wretched it is and how much better you are than that. together all of us men unite in beating this horribly afflicting addiction. it is over now. there is so much more peace of mind and happiness. it is like a rebirth and only you will experience. sex is not natural and neither is masturbation or porn. what is natural is being liberated from addiction and being set free from within and coming out strong and in control by exercising your strong mind and will. you can do it and you will. keep on moving forward. good luck and i'll see you on this side soon. it feels so great to be here right. come join us all.

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I got hooked when I was about 13. I had really low self esteem due to being bullied constantly by my 'friends' who also lead me to believe that every 13 year old does tis stuff all the time. Both masturbating and then, porn became habbits for me. When I realised that I was looking at dirtier and dirtier stuff (I started out with bikini models and ended up on full porn videos) when I was nearly 16 I started to want to quit and was hating myself for watching porn. I also wanted to stop masturbating, simply because for me it was like having dope that I had access to 24/7 with little in the way of consequences. At first I barely managed to go a few days without masturbating and as I went on and on I thought I would never break out. Then I finally managed to stop the masturbating physically and have not done that since. But the porn remained. I still orgasmed over it even though I didnt masturbate when it went on long enough and so I realised I needed to stop watching porn as well. After increasing cycles of going cold turkey then giving in I finally managed to break off on my 17th birthday. That was nearly 3 months ago and today I gave in again. It seems that whatever I do my mind finds some half-logical excuse and uses it to get round my defences. I can only hope that the cycles continue longer and longer. Maybe one day they will even stop. I am trying to overcome something that is ingrained into my mind to do every time I feel lonely or sad. Slowly I am wearing a new groove and I am coming to respect myself a lot more as a person. So for me the willpower method is working, but teenage hormones are hard to overcome ^^.

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Hi everyone, Im new here, and very embaressed, pracically in denial. I have a beautiful girlreind a great life, job familyeverything but i cant break the porn addiction. no body really knows about it except a couple of my freinds and they all think its a joke, they cant all the time see how much it really bothers me and effects me mentally. i dont want to go to a pycologist, i dont even want to beon the computer, iguess you can say porn makes me depressed, but i have theose urges where i got to have it. ive gone about a week without and that is it. Im glad i fund this site, knowing that there are others out there for help and support really is nice. thankyou all

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Thanks for the blog and the excellent posts.

Yes, I lost my girlfriend because the Porn got more attention than her.
I admit the mistakes I made. I admit that I was depressed and it was not her fault.
I blame her for not helping me when I recovered, instead she is getting her revenge by enjoying my suffering.

However, we are men and strong enough to fight anything.
We can avoid anything that we choose. Just like women. Everyday you encounter women not appropriate for your age, women looking for something from you by that I mean everything except love and affection. We can resist the wrong ones, so we can control our sexual desires. Patience combined with the ability to take a risk on the next one.

I have been separate for 13 months now and it is tough. I didn't even know how much the pornography had an impact on my actions. I am more self aware.
Reading the posts reminds me we are normal and the porn industry is the evil one trying to lure us in.

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one year ago, my brain was full of meanless thinkings and obsessions. i was thinking a girl, that i haven't seen for ten years, for ten years. i was looking at porn for ~15 years.

last year, in ramadan, i didn't look at porn for about 30 days. in the first days it was hard to bear it.

in the 15. day without porn, i was about to get crazy and wanted to tear everything.

and 16. day without porn, i was feeling strong as i had never felt before. the girl i had been thinking was meaning nothing for me. i was not afraid of the future.

that was a very interesting situation. i went to psychiatrists many times for my stupid obsessions and found no remedy.

i had felt strong for a few months. then i started that bad habit again. by time i became a moron like before.

recently, i stopped it. today is the 11. day without porn. now i am thinking bad things about future, and that girl also.

if i can manage it, i will write on 15. and 20. days.

pray for me...

best regards,

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again i am writing on 15. day without porn. today i feel much better than recent. i am more hopeful about the future and that girl doesn't mean much thing for me.

the only thing i want to be with someone real but i am not married. so, i am still under risk of being a slave of that damned porn, that drives me depressive and turns my life into ruin.

urgently i have to find someone to merry.

if i manage to protect myself against it, i will write on 20. day of without it.

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today is the 20. day. i don't want it any more. i have deleted my archives. i am not in need of it.
i feel myself as "living tissue over a metal endoskeleton".

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Hi there. Just to say that much respect is due to you for breaking out of the porn trap!

Your observations about the effect of porn on your self-esteem and sense of purpose are spot-on. Many guys here will be able to relate.

I wish you every success in your journey, and the discovery of new and more positive ways to handle emotions.

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One more thing that i found really helpful was developing another addiction but a positive one. I completely immersed myself in chess and used that as a replace ment for porn. In this sense it can be like porn but without all the debilitating side effects. Simply find something you are passionate about or need to improve in your life and immerse yourself in it completely. Pour your heart and soul into it and aim for complete mastery. This provides an exciting distraction to porn and will help a lot especially in the first few weeks where quitting is so difficult.
Note: Make sure that anything you decide to become addicted to so to speak is a positive addiction (music, chess, business, sport) and not another destructive one as then you will have two addictions instead of one. Hope this helps

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Thanks for the awsome advice i feel armed to start doing more with my life

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This is really great. I'm happy that I have come across this site while doing a search on the topic. It's good to know that I'm not alone and that I can get through this. Porn has begun to consume my life as of late and I will begin to fight back. Thanks to all of you I know there is still a light at the end of the tunnel and that through the hard work and a lot of mental focus I know I can overcome this.

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hi im glad im not alone been with this addiction now for 8years. tried several times to stop but to no avail, theres not much too write really because i can relate to almost everyones story here, the difficulty in stopping , the childhood self esteem issues. i even have love addiction where i get attracted to women who are emotionally unavailable and treat me badly and i called it love.
so i think i may have just met my future mrs after falling for so many emotionally unavailable women , who date u cause they see u as a nice guy but deep inside they dont really want u, they just use u emotionally for the time being. i read a book called ''women who loves too much'' by robichn norwood, although predominantly for women, since they have this problem the most , its ideal for men as well or the small proportion of us men who have love addiction .
so, im on day 7 now and will keep counting as i try to keep this habit, my replacement will be to learn how to play a keyboard ive always wanted to learn an instrument and ive been watching how to play videos online instead of those images that have messed me up for so long.
plus i just have to quit for the new girl, she just might be the one and mentally this habit has messed me up psychologically that i cant even perform with her. its very embarrassing but shes still with me , she doesnt know the extent of the problem, but she knows about it and was my inspiration to try stopping again, and all she told me was ''stop, just stop'' .
so here i am with u all, counting the hours and they seem so much longer , i dread going home from work and being alone, so im gonna have to get a distraction than sitting on facebook all day, cause even that doesnt help matters.
good luck every one and bless

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hello again,
thank God. i am feeling great now.

it is easy for me to make decisions and plans. the dirty hand retreated from my brain. no obsessive stupid thoughts anymore.

the desire of porn bacame minimum.

i hope, you and i will not be reinfected.

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All I gotta say is I'm having the exact same problem. And I will stop this! some how. Someone help.

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I mostly just hated the time wasted on it nowadays. I seem to have begun an habit of building up to the finish that takes too long so Im just going try not to dl anything new and use the old collection but delete all the weird fetish things that draw me into an longer buildup/story or whatever I like to fantasize about + some of it is weird that gives me guilt cycle which makes it more "hot". I want to just do it 2-3 times an day maby 30 minutes all together wasted seems alright. Anyways their is no were deeper to go with them Ive explored it as far as it goes. So stop fetish just 10 min to hot grls from old libarary and that should last but Im all obsessed with collecting new crap to add but its dumb I already have more women pics than any playboy or gangus khan ever got with so my variety need just needs to shut up. And all the wasted time can be more usefull to actually getting an hot chick than fantasizing which doesnt lead to actually getting with them. Guilt and disgust actually gave energy to my fetishes having no feeling pro or against actually turns my thoughts away from such things.
I find if I do it quick like 7 min to normal things i feel totally fine.

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Hello guys,

I see that you are struggling with that demon that eats up time, energy, spirituality, comprehension of women, and many other things as much as I do. I have tried many things: cold turkey, control software with random unrecoverable passwords, I have tried sport, lecture, music... But as of you surely pointed out, these methods don't seem to work.
But I found a drastic solution. One cannot live without a computer nowadays, but if you (as I) really have a problem with porn, you can live without sound. Plug something in your speaker sockets (such as bubblegum), something that you wont be easily able to take out.
Notice how ridiculous and boring porn becomes without sound: it turns porn to ashes. For example, I loved to see a woman having an orgasm, but what if there is no sound?
You'll always be able to listen to the radio if you have an urge for music, what you have is all probably illegal anyway.

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I'm stopping today. I am going to go cold turkey, because I know what I am doing is wrong, and it is sinful. I will stop because God tells me in the Bible that my body is a temple, and I need to respect it.
Please, whether or not you believe in God, help me get through this.

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What happened to Sean? I found his approach very encouraging.

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I decided to quit porn after I got to the point where often I could not get hard without looking at porn. I don't feel that porn or masturbation are evil, nor do I feel guilty about it but I got tired of wasting so much time on it; time that could be spent actually developing some abilities. I used to think that porn would make me better at sex, and in some ways it has because I've gotten ideas from the images I've seen, but I reached the point where I was not learning anything new from porn about what arouses me or what things I'd like to try in reality. I tried quitting both porn and masturbation, but that did not go very well. I got very irritable and angry, and started acting really passive aggressive towards people. It made me feel like a chained animal. Also, my girlfriend said the way I got was scary. So, I've stopped looking at porn but I still masturbate about once a day and this is working pretty well. For one thing, the fantasy images I generate in my head trigger imaginative processes that were not being used when I vegged out looking at porn. Secondly, after about two weeks of this, I can often get aroused just from thinking some thoughts in my own head, rather than having someone else's images pumped into me from somewhere else. I just feel more in control over my sexuality now, and I think that's the reason why I started to become weary of porn in the first place. Granted, I somewhat miss the huge surges of stimulation I got from some porn images. I have not experienced that for a while. I do not get as rock hard without seeing really hardcore images, and I don't come as hard. But like I said it's only been about two weeks, and I'm pretty satisfied with the progress.

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im going to hypnotherapy for my porn addiction tomorrow i was a smoker for 10 years and gave up from hypnotherapy i feel this is the only thing that may help me i feel like im becoming depressed and have put this PA before everything and everyone i have a great girlfriend who i lie too about my PA im sick of this taking over my life it just brings me down i will let you all know how this goes as i have found it hard to find blogs about people getting hypnotherapy and whether it has been successful or not wish me luck.

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