I keep looking at porn and I can't stop - G's story

Submitted by a reader on Sat, 18/07/2009 - 23:02

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I keep looking at porn and I can't stop. My porn addiction started when I was about 10 probably. I was looking for my dads mini keyboard in his closet and found some mags. I was hooked.

I am now 24 and living with my girlfriend of 6 years. My porn addiction has progressed to the point where I am now looking at it every chance I get. The type of porn I now need to look at to get a "fix" is getting more and more extreme. I have even looked at illegal porn and now I fear that I will encounter legal problems. It keeps getting worse and worse.

I am seriously considering suicide. I can't seem to stop. I just want to die... or live without porn. Can someone please help me?

Thank you G for sharing your anxieties here. When it seems like our lives are revolving around the pursuit of porn, it certainly can lead to deep feelings of desperation and hopelessness. We torture and frustrate ourselves on a daily basis. You are not alone with this, and many readers will be able to relate to your situation.

It is essential to remember that the problem can be overcome, and people successfully achieve this every day. Recovery comes with its own setbacks and frustrations. It's a gradual awakening that requires motivation and a fair degree of patience. Recovery means working to a plan, and it doesn't happen overnight. It is the process of moving on from the darkest lows to life-changing freedom, one step at a time.

No matter how long you have felt hopeless and trapped by this habit, a recovery plan is the way out.

Here's the practical stuff. Read through the other stories and writings on this site, and follow links to all the other great porn addiction resources out there. You'll be able to fully appreciate just how common this problem is, and you'll pick up plenty of ideas for forming a personal recovery approach that works for you. This might include talking to a therapist or counsellor and/or building your own self-help plan. You'll be able to get this whole habit into perspective, which is a fundamental step towards understanding and overcoming.

So many guys can vividly recall their first experiences with porn, and the shock and awe escapism that it delivered. And as adults, we can find ourselves still desperately needing to fill some hole in our lives with the buzz of escapism. We've grown and matured in so many ways, but something still locks us into the old routine of porn. And as you say, the internet can deliver more and more extreme material in order to sustain that 'fix' effect.

So a recovery plan helps us to notice the hole, and find new ways of helping ourselves. Just like any problem, porn addiction has a beginning, a middle and an end. We really don't need to live as victims of our old, outdated habits.

I hope this is helpful, and wish you every success.

YES! There is HOPE and YES! you can in the end let go of your need for porn. I know that this may sound too you like a rather bold thing to claim, even possibly impossible thing to say but its true.

I started using porn when I was only 14 years old & still at school. I was overweight & felt unattractive & I never thought anyone would like me or love me, thought no girl would even look at me. I've had a very up & down and on & off relationship with using porn & the internet. I finally stopped using porn after many false dawns & stops & starts & a great deal of inner struggle.

I was greatly helped through counseling & therapy & Jason and this website, I am now 50 years old and have now stopped using porn completely i.e. I just don't need porn in my life anymore & I feel much much happier with myself, I am finally leaning just to like myself a bit more & just to feel OK about myself. I just don't want to return to feeling that terrible about myself. The therapy helped me reach an insight about my early years & this has uncovered the core reason I used porn in the first place. Now I understand what happened to me & why, I now no longer need to use porn.

I also set up & put in place Open DNS which provides access to the internet but without the danger of falling back into porn sites. Open DNS provides me with a free safety net, I have the service configured to block access to any porn or adult websites. So I feel great that I can use the internet safely and without any worry about porn sites. Open DNS is a free service & you decide what you wish to see or block the choices are entirely yours and your fully in control.

SEE:- http://www.opendns.com

PS:- DON'T GIVE UP HOPE, YOU CAN BE FREE FROM PORN. I did it, if I can do it you can too!!

Best Regards Alex

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I have come to the conclusion that one of the biggest ironies (paradoxes) is that porn is NOT actually very erotic. What do I mean? well bye its very nature porn is explicit imagery and so leaves nothing much to the active imagination. Were as bye contrast the erotic by its nature is not explicit, its whats not shown that becomes a turn on, whats not shown leaves more to the viewers imagination & thus more to contemplate.

**Also what is erotic is NOT shameful or shame making.

**The erotic is a natural expression of our real sexuality & the erotic is sexy or sexiness. Its almost as if it were the opposite to porn if that makes sense?

**we don't get hung up on that which is erotic its understood & the erotic is just a part of being human. The erotic is just a natural part of our sexuality it doesn't carry any guilt or shame. Its not disconnected from who we are. Porn on the other hand is rather disconnected from reality, disconnected from who we are as full human beings.

**The erotic doesn't involve objectification unlike porn.

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I'm not sure I've ever really contemplated suicide, but I can well believe that porn addiction can have this consequence.

Just like Alex, I have also found Jason's quide a huge help in understanding and beating the habit. It opened my eyes to the underlying reasons for my habit, and I realised that for me, it wasn't about sex at all.

So all I can add is that no matter how bad this situation appears, there is always hope. Hang in there and listen to the options.

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Well I can honestly say I never reached the point of having suicidal feelings or thoughts. But certainly my porn obsession definitely did leave me more & more depressed & isolated from the warmth & love of other human beings. Porn definitely does have the capacity to remove what seems meaningful and of value in our lives, doing a lot of porn definitely left me feeling that life was without purpose or meaning. I have a theory about this, and it is that depression & suicidal feelings and thoughts go hand in hand with regular porn use, were regular porn use involves frequent or regular objectification. It is the process of objectifiction that does the most pyschic harm, it is the objectification through using porn that results in the depression and loss of meaning or perceived value of your life. Doing lots of porn may well result in feelings of worthless-ness and feeling that I am unlovable am useless (i.e. leaves you in depression & depairing state of mind) All of this seem sadly familiar from my own past. But this can be changed, you yourself can change this if you are willing to start to let go of using porn. Too put it another way I gave up porn although its been a struggle, so if I can give up porn (i'm really nobody special) I feel sure its equally possible for you too.

**Giving up porn means stopping using porn to numb yourself out, it means you will probably need to face the pain underneath the use of porn. Using porn is NEVER just about using porn, using porn is just a means to an end and not the end itself. In other words what is using porn stopping you from facing, stopping you from feeling??

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Recovery is possible, but don't let recovery mean just going back to the way things use to be before the addiction. Move forward. Don't waste your addiction. Let it be the springboard for moving into a new phase of life.

One resource that can be very helpful is the Freedom Begins Here DVDs - http://www.freedombeginshere.org/videos/personal-toolkit

You might like these. Great resources from some of the leading sex/porn addiction experts.

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Hey, I'm not really sure how to begin. First off I hope you are doing well regardless of your situation. Things aren't really as bad as they seem, but thats hard to see that when you are in the middle of it. I've been "addicted" to porn for about 7 years. I'm 21 now. I would watch it at least once a day, more or less, over that span of time. The longest period that I was off of it was about 2 maybe 3 months. About 2 years ago I fell into a deep depression and later a borderline psychosis, which left me hospitalized for a week. I was tentatively diagnosed with manic-depression a while later. Much of the time I felt that porn was the cause of this. But I have no way of knowing. This might seem irrelavent but I'm just getting the context of my life in order. Basically only my parents and therapist know that I watch porn but we don't talk about it much, if at all. They know it's going on but they don't know how to deal with it. I don't know, the point is that it is a very secret sort of addiction which makes it hard in the first place because finding a willing support to help you through it is tough due to the nature of the addiction and the fact that no one really knows how to begin to help. There are ways to do it no doubt, as you can read from many people who have been successful. I believe that the process will be different from person to person and what works for one might not work for another. That being said, I would just like to share my experience. If it helps, great, If it doesn't, I hope you find a way that does. But let it be your way. This is a very long introduction for what might not seem like much but it feels necessary. I have to mention before it gets to far in that I have been addicted for a long time all the way up until today when something changed and now for whatever reason, which I'm still not clear of, I no longer have the same physical pull, so to speak, that draws me to porn. I will try to explain what I think might be the reason but on the other hand it might be irrelavant at the moment. Also, I realize it has just been a day and tomorrow I may be back at it again, but we will have to see. I just watched some clips just to be sure and I had basically no impulse to "get-off" But just to be honest there was still something there, as I am a human and have natural tendencies, however it was no longer overpowering; I was no longer out of control. Ok I'll get to it now. To start I have to tell you that this comes from a man by the name of Carl Jung. If you haven't heard of him I would suggest looking him up. He coined the term "active imagination" which refferrs to a process of getting in touch with the unconscious aspects of your personality. Doing this is the tricky part and it comes in many different forms. I am new and not an expert so if you really want to learn about it, I would look up some books by Jung or his followers on the topic. I have only one experience that I will share. Before that though I had a dream that gave me the impression that I was ready to try this "active imagination" thing out. So earlier today, or rather yesterday, I decided to try "it," whatever it was. I didn't really know what to expect. Basically I sat comfortably in my chair and began to "meditate" in the sense that I tried to relax as much as possible and let whatever came into my consciousness whether a thought or a feeling or a picture. They say you can focus on an image from a dream and then let your mind draw associations from that. I sort of expected images to start appearing or that I would have a grand vision but nothing came. Then after about ten or fifteen minutes, I began to feel a little more relaxed. Also, a little corny, but the point is to call up the contents of the unconcsious so I literally spoke to them and invited them to come up. Not sure if it really helped but it seemed to. However, it was less talking to them, rather than it was physically letting my body be filled with whatever was "down there" So it was a definite feeling in my head and my body, like an energy or an emotion that wanted out, or just recognition. As the feeling came, I became aroused and opened my eyes and looked at the computer and had an impulse to "relapse" but I stayed with the feeling, which seemed to feel good. My heart began to beat faster and I had to stop because I felt worn out. After that I havn't had an urge, or rather an uncontrollable urge. I don't want to try to explain it because I don't know much about it. I'v just started reading about it, which I highly recommend you do, if you are interested. This was a very subjective experience and is not a method. It was more like an experiment without even really knowing what I was doing. Bsically just listening inside. I'm hesitant to post this because I've read It can be a dangerous thing too and you should not try this unless you think you are ready. Please read about it before you try it. I've been trying to get off porn for a long time now. I realize this seems too miraculous, and it may be. I could be back on porn tomorrow. But for the time being it works. And when I say "it," I'm really not sure what I'm referring to. I just wanted to give a different perspective, my perspective. Thats the only one I have. If you want others I could suggest some books to read. For now I will just mention Carl Jung. From there, if you are into it, it may lead you to some very interesting ideas about the human psyche that you may not have thought about. Anyways, just thought this might help you in some way or another. It helped me and that's all I know. Please take care though and I'm sorry if this was not helpful. I hope I didn't waist your time. Best wishes.

-Z

"You cannot overcome your passions unless you pass through them" -Carl Jung

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