fighting this battle again

Submitted by chris on Mon, 03/10/2011 - 18:20
chris's picture

once again my iner voice was telling me somthing again..I knew he was hiding porn once again..I found it hiding in the rafters of our garage..This time I didnt text him or call him to tell him I found it, I waitted for him to come home..I didnt cry this time I think Im becoming numb to this..Once again he said he forgot it was there, why does that matter he shouldnt have it..We have been together since I was 17 and he was 18..We have 2 grown boys 21 and 23..I have been dealing with this problem most of our relationship..when it first began to be a problem was about 17 years ago..he has lied and blammed others as to the porn I find..Right now im sure this is all a confusing mess coming out of my head but I dont know where to start..I have tried to deal with this alone I thought I was doing good but was wrong..their have been longer periods of time between incidents I thought I was winning but it was all a lie...once again there it was..Im so lost and dont know what to do..I love him so much but I know I lost myself..I really need some help and lots of advice...thanks

‹ Need help with my feelings... slipped up. ›
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lisab's picture

Hi Chris, I'm sorry to hear

Submitted by lisab on Wed, 05/10/2011 - 21:10

Hi Chris, I'm sorry to hear this problem has been going on for 17 years... I put up with it for almost 2 and that almost killed my outlook and faith in men. Made me feel totally unloved. We had no kids and not even married so it was easier to ditch him, I appreciate your situation is so different. You must love him to have put up for so long.

What can make any difference now.. not more crying and confronting and blaming and lies thats for sure. I used to sense the porn was creeping back when my boyfriend got distant, didn't want sex or even kissing, made excuses to sneak off or stay up late. Disrespecting me in other words. Is that how you sense it too? If so does he see the reality of his behaviour towards you? Does he see it but not care or just values his porn more, or does he think its you getting upset over nothing?

Lots of questions, I'm sorry. Just trying to build the picture and see what options you have here. At least you aren't facing this alone now.

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