don't know how to move on
I have been married for about 6 years and we have 3 year old daughter and newborn baby. While expecting 2nd baby in Feb, I discovered my husband hadbeen using many porn sites for 5 years. I discivered his secret when lots of images printed out from pc one evening and I confronted him. Our sex life had dwindled due to what I thought was having children and we had experienced a few miscarriages. Infact he was doing porn and avoiding sex / intimacy with me for several years. Whilst pregnant I decided to bury my anger, hurt, humiliation etc as my priority was my baby. Since having my baby, I now realise I feel so hurt / cheated by his lies. In the past I had asked him on occassions if he was content with our lack of bedroom action and to which he said he was fine and did not admit to his regular visits during the day, before he went to wrk. I feel I not know the man I married. How can I move on and trust him ?
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he needs to change
hey aqua54, did you let him know that your not happy with the lack of bedroom action? you would assume that he would read that into your question but perhaps not! i know that when guys get deep into porn they only think about their own satisfaction an porn seems to provide it. i doubt he turned to porn as a favour to you while the kids were on the way. hes printing the stuff out before he goes to work? thats in too deep in my book.
you could tell him that this isnt about the porn, its about the lack of sex and intimacy. porn has replaced that for him and its not what you want from the relationship. you will never be able to trust him until you lay this out and he gets real. good luck!
Open Dialogue
Hello Aqua54,
Thanks for posting your story. You must be very busy with two such young children - exhausted I imagine. Plus what you've been through with the miscarriages. How much help / involvement do you get from your husband, I wonder?
As with Kirei, I think it's important to know if you've tried to talk to your husband specifically about the porn. It might seem obvious to you that he shouldn't be looking at it, but to him, it might be a very convenient way to release sexual tension at a time when you are all tired from having a family. I don't think you should necessarily feel humiliated and angry until you've talked it through with him.
Many guys feel very uncomfortable about having sex with their pregnant partners (whilst there are some who absolutely love it!). Equally there are many women who don't want sex during pregnancy. By my calculations, you've been pregnant a lot during the 6 years of your marriage and with the tragedy of miscarriages thrown in, it wouldn't be a huge surprise if your husband has some emotional resistance to sex right now. It doesn't mean it'll be like that forever, which is why talking to him is essential.
Please bear in mind that porn is non-emotional stimulus. He is not replacing his emotional relationship with you for a connection with his computer.
Good luck.
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