Comments for quit porn addiction

Comment on What kids learn from porn, and how we can help by alex

alex — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:30:00 +0000

WOW!! Awesome video clip, absolutely spot on brilliant stuff!! YES! we need more of this no bullshit plain speaking about the effects on porn on people, especially young people. 10 out of 10.

Comment on Fresh thinking on why husbands get hooked on porn by L

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:32:35 +0000

Michael,
I’m going to tell you the same thing I said to my husband when he was having the same thoughts..your porn addiction does NOT make you a horrible husband. Your addiction does not make who you are. I’m sure that your wife would say the same thing. We partners don’t care about the addiction as much as we care about being open and honest with us. You have build a life with your wife and family, don’t let an issue like porn ruin it. Stop thinking about horrible thoughts like that. Porn is not that worth it. Start being open with your wife, tell her you love her and you need her to be next to you while working on this issue.
Good luck!!

Comment on Fresh thinking on why husbands get hooked on porn by L

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:08:24 +0000

I don’t agree with Max115. In my experience our husbands were hooked on porn way before we met them.
As far as marital sex gets boring..here is my experience..I am 28 now, 25 when I met my husband. People say I am extremely attractive, I take care of myself, I’m tall and fit. A lot of girls that my husband watch are not nearly as attractive as me. I don’t mean to sound cocky ,but its the truth.
I am very sexual woman, never say no to sex. I am also bisexual, I find some women pretty and have wanted to bring home to my husband one or two. I don’t want you to judge me for that, I don’t see anything wrong with including other women once in awhile in my marital sex. Well my husband was never interested in that, and does not suffer of poor performance or anything.. He also was not very interested in sex with me either.
That makes me think that your marital sex doesn’t make you turn to porn!!
And I think poor performance is because of use of porn. Well in my experience it was. If you spend hours of watching porn and masturbating, of course you are not going to get aroused and perform well with you wife.
I’m sure different people have different reasons why they get hooked.
And yes, it is kinda of cheating. In my opinion, if your use other ways, people or images to satisfy yourself other than your wife, you are cheating. Your wife should be the main source of your sexual satisfaction!!!

Comment on Fresh thinking on why husbands get hooked on porn by Michael

Michael — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:12:31 +0000

Porn is a way of not physically cheating on your wife, but it is still cheating. Just because you are not “with” any one else, viewing porn is cheating. I say this because I have a porn addiction, and I cannot seem to move past the problem. I want very badly to move past it-to the point I’ve even thought of suicide-but I know that suicide would only make matters worse on my family. My wife and I have 5 kids, and I am the breadwinner. Taking my own life would make matters worse for my wife, as well as make life very hard to understand for my children. I am seeking help. I pray that I receive it before it’s too late.

Comment on My husband’s sexual fantasy is out of control – LP’s story by Alex

Alex — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:54:24 +0000

Hi Dee,

Of course I totally agree with your comments & the point you make, I wasn’t suggesting that kind of scenario for a second. That was to misunderstand or misinterpret what I was trying to say. I meant exploring sexual fantasies within the context of what would be considered a normal healthy relationship. I wasn’t suggesting the encouragement of or acceptance of incestuous behavior for a second, I’m sorry if you got that impression, Its NOT what I meant.

**its plain & simple that incestuous desires are strange to most of us, hard to comprehend, & they do definitely cross a boundary into something that would be thought of as abusive. And as such I would definitely never condone such behaviors.

**I can understand your concerns about this mans actions pointing strongly to his acting out, YES! those are worrying signs perhaps your right. Its hard for me to know because I don’t know the situation, the context, the history etc,etc. Clearly you yourself are very concerned I can see & feel that much is true.

Comment on After years of wasted time and ambition, it’s time to stop and move on – G’s story by G

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:14:58 +0000

Spot on comments so far. E describes the outer-whirlpool effect I go through when justifying my decision to search for porn so so accurately that I actually feel better knowing it’s a common deception. I think a major reason I’ve never been able to succeed is trying to quit on my own. It’s not something I’d ever bring up with and I become my own arbitrator.

I subscribe to the idea of our conscious mind being the analogous monkey riding backwards on the tiger of our subconscious instincts, motives, desires, etc. The monkey mind is really a passenger looking out over where the tiger has been already. The wily monkey can, however, at least be trained to be proficient, mind and obey.

The fun of choosing to abstain from porn is wearing off, the tiger -so to speak- is getting hungry. I’ve got myself first thing in the morning thinking “Welp, too bad I’ve decided to cave in today and look at girls” and feeling a sense of confidence in my defeat. Yet I never consciously made that decision! I find myself sliding into emotional states that I, on a deeper level, use to justify caving in. I’ll make one sudden decision “You know what? It’s natural and I enjoy it and who doesn’t watch porn….” as I quick type something in.

But this time I’m sticking it out so far, actually coming here first and being allowed to circumvent my thoughts is a big help. Going to go occupy my mind with something else and sign off….

Comment on My husband’s sexual fantasy is out of control – LP’s story by L

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:41:43 +0000

Ok – I agree Alex, we don’t know what really happened. But this woman is confused and I know exactly what she means when she says she doesn’t know if they should have kids. Fantasy or not, incest fantasies are a little too delicate ( in my opinion) to not be talked over and dealt with.
What’s that limit between just innocent fantasy and inappropriate actions though?? Where excatly is that line?
I know every situation is different, but when do we say that somebody is doing something wrong, when he has sexual activity with a minor or family member?!?! Isn’t that too late?

Comment on The filth and fury cycle of watching porn – C’s story by edward

edward — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 16:46:15 +0000

Yes,…L…,IMHO,….you are the victim of MENTAL ADULTERY,..BUT dont “BE” the victim.Be proactive.Have a heart to heart talk with your husband regarding your feelings.suggest counselling for him.or go to counselling yourself…Your situation reminds me of how I was kinda treating my ex…Im glad that we separated…it gave time to do some soul searching…reflection…acceptance…and most of all,trying to change,control,and better myself…..Good luck.

Comment on My husband’s sexual fantasy is out of control – LP’s story by Dee

Dee — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:45:33 +0000

” It is also something that can help keep a sexual relationship active & full of richness”… That’s true for fantasies that don’t include any family members..yea let me sleep with my father so we can spice our sex life!! That’s crazy!!!!
And what do you mean by cross the limit, this guy copied and pasted pictures of his wife and father in law. That’s real!!! That’s acting out on your fantasy!! One day he will copy and paste pics of his own daughter, and that’s real!!!!

Comment on My husband’s sexual fantasy is out of control – LP’s story by Alex

Alex — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:24:25 +0000

Hang on a moment, I think we do need to be a bit careful here. a) You don’t know whats “really going on” inside another persons mind and b) its extremely easy to make value judgment’s without having all the full range of facts about this case / situation. I’m certainly not going to jump to a guilty verdict here I’m in no position to do anything of that kind.

NO! I’m not trying to excuse bad or highly inappropriate or clearly abusive behavior but lets not find this person guilty before they are tried as it were. It just that its very very easy to put 6 and 6 together and get 21 !!!?

From little I know & understand about the psychological nature of incestuous relationships these tend to happen when the normal family taboo’s & normal inter-family boundaries get broken down. Its also a very very difficult & highly emotive subject area because it also crosses over in sexual abuse or abusiveness in various forms.

I’m in no position to make value judgments based on one story on this website.