Marcus

**Whilst using & viewing porn is not really to be recommended in my view, fines and imprisonment is way to extreme in the other direction. That’s way to draconian though, I’m sure there should and could be better ways of helping people and weening them off porn or even preventing them for using porn n the first place.

**Rather than forcing people who have been discovered using porn or identified as having a porn habit. Perhaps offering some kind of web filtering on their computers or connection might be a first soft step and for the worst cases perhaps web filtering and some kind of therapy or counseling.

**I think we all have to be more open and up front about the realities or porn and web based porn too. Draconian measures is like using a road drill to crack a nut.

That’s a very intriguing article and very thought provoking too. However, even if governments like in Ukrainian pass such laws in an attempt to control access to pornographic websites (images & films) this begs the question how will this law be enforced. Unless Ukrainian sets up a firewall like the Chinese have done (known as the Great firewall of china! for obvious reasons) I cannot see how they can regulate access to porn sites. Or will the Ukrainian authorities actually track or spy on individual citizens in order to prosecute them?

**I do definitely think many governments would like to find a way to control & regulate the entire internet.

**The Ukrainian law also raises serious questions about freedom of speech & freedom to view material that others might consider morally dubious.

**Just as I would defend the rights of those people in any country to practice their chosen religion (even though I am an atheist). An example would be Falon Gong in China. I would also defend the right of anyone to be able to use the internet in the way they wish. Even if I don’t agree with them, i.e. disagree with the morality of some sites. Its the principal of freedom of choice, even if I don’t agree with the choices being made.

I have HUGE!!! admiration for your courage to tell such a sad & painful story. I was very touched by the things you have said, and nobody could accuse you of not having tried to help your husband. Here are some other thoughts I had on reading carefully through your piece.

No.1 Your husband remains very deeply in denial of his problem/s. He still cannot see how badly it is affecting others let alone himself. This is actually a very common position for someone with a porn obsession or porn compulsion.

No.2 Sadly it is extremely difficult to get someone who is in such denial to admit they have a problem or to face up to that problem. Such denial is a psychological defense mechanism & like any form of shielding or protection, if the issue is confronted head on the person will blank out any conscious knowledge of the problem i.e. such as telling lies, blurring the actual truth, lying to themselves any manner of deceptive techniques. Its whats called resistance in therapy.

No.3 A person has to be willing & ready (feel safe enough) to let drop their resistance, to let go of the core personal issues that porn is covering up. Porn itself is NOT actually the issue here it is more than likely to be something else less obvious. Perhaps such as fear of intimacy or some other emotionally unsolved issue from his past or early life. I am talking about issues that are repressed and therefore in that persons unconscious psyche (i.e. below every day awareness). Yes! psychotherapy or counseling can help a person but only if they themselves choose that path. And only if it is chosen genuinely other wise its possible to be just back to kidding themselves i.e. part of yet another game of self deception.

No.4 If there is no! trust then the relationship is on rather thin ice I would suggest.

No.5 If he cannot be 100% honest with you then the same as no.4.

No.6 YES! it is 100% definitely HIS problem but it clearly causes you great pain.

No.7 If he cannot really change and really truthfully deal with his behavior, then that only leaves you with one choice to make a change in the nature of the relationship yourself. Even if that means laying down a stark choice i.e. change and be in this relationship with me 100% or I leave you can you can deal with your porn problem on your own,etc. Perhaps such a stark choice might bring a dose of sobriety to him & the situation, perhaps it might make him see what he is doing? It’s possible?

No.8 YOU must NOT beat yourself up for his behavior its NOT your fault. The problem is all his as far as I can see what what you have written.

SEE:- http://eraser.heidi.ie/

This program if configured correctly will overwrite each unit of data on the disk up to x35 times using random characters. Note that once a file has been erased in this way it is literally gone forever and cannot be recovered even from a bit map level of the disk (even forensic data tools wont work either). Any files securely deleted are permanently removed.

**Remember such naivity is what lead to the watergate scandle all those years ago in the USA. Staff deleted documents on computers thinking that just pressing the delete key and emptying the recycling bin was the end of the matter. Only for them to be completely caught out by the use of sophisticated recovery software which laid bare all the worst incriminating evidence of the scandel and thousands of documents were laid bare for the prosecution.