The only times I have ever had success is when I have decided that I really, really do want to give it up. That’s right, human will. I stop being a slave when I get off my knees. People survived concentration camps for god’s sake! Rape and torture! Why should the temporary pain of withdrawal be such a big deal? If we really want something, nothing can stop us from getting it but ourselves. If we really want freedom from porn, nothing can stop us from getting it. (Unless someone holds a gun to our head every night and forces us to watch porn.)

The key is…MOTIVATION. Find out WHY porn should be given up. No point doing something out of a vague feeling of guilt. Knowledge is power.

Then map out the HOW. This will include substituting wholesome, nurturing activity for the previously unwholesome one.

Over time the brain rewires itself back to equilibrium and normal brain chemistry is regained.

I am part of the way through this process myself. It is challenging but much less challenging than losing your wife or job is it not? What to speak of surviving a prison camp. Good luck everyone on this journey.

Please don’t give up. I don’t know how to help you but your story is so sad because you deserve so much better. Your story is so similar to mine, except I’m older by 20 years. That should tell you that you can live.

I have not overcome my addiction, but I just came here and I have to because I too am ready to kill myself as well. The only thing that stops me is having a son that I cannot hurt or abandon.

I was a virgin for a long time like you. Except I went to deep into mexico with friends on vacation and paid a prostitute at for my first time. I was 24. Since then I’ve married and divorced twice, Both marriages were with women who had serious problems as well. Other than those two women I have only had sex with prostitutes. Well there was one real nasty freeby from a woman I found a bar who I was sure I probably got aids from for years. (I didn’t luckily)

My life is pretty much shot to hell now. Not because I spent any money on porn, but because I’ve wasted my entire life looking at it, and beating off. I never had time or sexual energy for my wives, motivation to take care of my business, and finances, or do my job the best way I could. I have to say my two sons have suffered as well, but I don’t know how much. I don’t think they are porn addicts, but they have lacked for attention and a good role model.

I look forward to abstaining from porn and eventually getting into a healthy relationship, whatever that would look like with my history.

Please hang in there.

Jason:

Thank you for providing this site.

I feel for you. I know who might not believe that the following applies to you, but there is hope.

1. I was a quasi-virgin until 24, when I met my future wife, who is wonderful, loving and good-looking. She already had boyfriends before. It was not a problem that I was not experienced. Really, you should not think that everything is lost. 8 years later, we are still together, and still in love.

2. But sex or a girlfriend will not cure you, it will never be enough: you will still fall into depression if you don’t learn to take care of yourself. Do not expect that ONE thing can change everything. That having a girlfirend will make you happy, or that being single will make you unhappy. Both ideas are wrong.

3. Quit porn, and meet people - and not for sex, for community, for caring. This is the starting point I think.

4. I am still addicted, and it consumes me. The addiction is a response to depression, and feeds the depression. It is not really sex that I am missing, but reason to respect yourself, and confidence in your ability to face life, and maybe more friends. Maybe it is the same for you. Porn is a response to anxiety, boredom and isolation, but it the main cause of anxiety, boredom and isolation.

5. You are not entitled to porn in compensation for your pain. Same as the alcoholic who drinks to forget he is alcoholic.

6. Take responsaibility. You created a lot of the current situation, you can also change it. This is no destiny. You created a large part of the problem, you can change it.

Good luck, take care of yourself, there is always hope. Helping other people is the greatest thing you can do for your happyness and self-esteem. Be good.

P

I also quit pornography, after watching almost daily!
- I quit in the same way a) just said no over and over again, or in other words did not look at it cold turkey and b) made a concerted effort to reason with myself

- Now reason is tricky, one of the ways that i continued in my addictions was reasoning that it was OK or using reasoning to prove to myself that I did not need to quit.
- You need to ask yourself serious questions, look at real data, and look at all the possible angles
- now it could just be the academic in me but i feel that if you fail to properly reason about the situation, take a critical and thorough look at it then you will never recover because you will not understand what is happening to your mind and body - again & again & again
- And I think it is obvious that you do replace activities with quitting however in the case of smoking this amounted to me simply staring at a wall for 15 min on my smoke break instead of joining in with the others and killing myself - same with pornography you can twiddle your thumbs or whatever as long as it is not pornography

I would have stayed with him, if he was trying to overcome this awful temptation. I sometimes fear the day he gets better and asks me to return. but that is like watching someone dive head first into a tar pit and waiting for them to climb back out. It was so hard to walk away from someone who l promised to love… but that person is gone. There is a song by ingrid mortenson called glass that has comfored me in this transition.
Keep getting on your knees to pray…even when all you have is tears…God will show you the way…He wants you to be happy.

According to a website, a habit is used to fill a void. So why not use a void to fill a habit. What does that mean? That means simply learn to do nothing. A void means something is not satisfied, for example, a sex urge, a relationship that is broken, or maybe being just damn piss about oneself, see the cause wasn’t porn to start with, it was the problem that drove us towards porn, so that means as long as we can accept that we feel damn lousy the way we are not, that things are not going right now, and this is the most important part - DOING NOTHING is better than doing a wrong.

We give ourselves time, and most important of all, our mind. Once you recognise doing nothing is a good option, it does TWO important things. First of all, you will not need to run to PORN to feed your ego or numb yourself of your problems. Second, it will give you the peace of mind to accept circumstances and the brain resources to solve your problem at hand, and if you choose not to solve it as least you got the sanity to do the things you truly want to do.

Let me know if it works for you at jakeliving@gmail.com