I’m often asked about the ironic effect that porn addiction has on basic sexual interest. It would be natural to assume that constant preoccupation with sexual images would raise sex drive through the roof. Yet addicts and their partners tend to notice a marked decline in the addict’s desire for genuine sexual activity. It’s as if porn addiction hijacks our instinct to enjoy the most natural, intimate act in the world.

So how does porn turn you off sex? From my own observations from working with addicted clients, reasons for this can include:

• The habit has reached the stage where physical arousal has become dependent on the visual stimulation of porn
• Private shame and regret at the habit has attached itself to any sexual activity
• Prolonged consumption of porn has raised expectations of his own sexual performance, or the performance of others, to daunting and unrealistic levels

Frequently, there can be a combination of all these factors and more.

There’s often another irony in the mix: the conflict of porn urges and values. Addicts often notice a shift in their sexual desires, from the relationship with their partner to, say, anonymous sex with internet contacts or exploration of fetishes. Some will go off and explore such porn-driven interests (commonly leading to negative experiences), but many addicts remain conscious of the risks to their relationships, or the risk of a sexually transmitted disease. Despite these new, porn-driven urges, their values prevent them from acting further. This results in a frustrating cycle of porn-warped sexual ideals that are only catered for by viewing more porn. And that’s not a healthy place to be.

There’s a vast overlap between internet addiction and porn addiction. Most porn addicts show signs of internet addiction, and porn preoccupation features heavily in internet addiction. It’s a complex relationship and you can tie yourself up in mental knots trying to figure out which addiction came first. Fortunately, a good recovery plan addresses both sides of the problem. Mine certainly does (yep, another shameless plug).

A debate rages about how we define both disorders too. Can we really call them addictions? Can we call them disorders? Dr. Jerald Block, a respected psychiatrist from the US, has recently been writing about internet addiction, or to use his phrase, pathological computer use:

“I avoid the use of the word ‘addiction.’ It is just too explosive, political, and packed with other meanings. I prefer to think of this as a compulsive-impulsive spectrum disorder, much like compulsive eating, gambling, pyromania, and trichotillomania.”

I would certainly agree; the term porn addiction is far from ideal too, and for the very same reasons. So why do I use it so much? Why isn’t the tagline of this site ‘Break out of compulsive-impulsive porn stimulation’ or ‘Pathological porn use recovery’…? Whether it’s scientifically accurate or not, porn addiction is the term that we all grasp and can relate to. The very same applies to internet addiction, and that’s why Dr. Block continues to use it too.

So yes, there are issues over applying the term addiction here, and plenty of writers will remind us of the fact. But in many ways, this is one of those debates where everyone ends up right. Mike Masnick, a critic of the addiction label, concludes:

“… and almost every story of internet addiction really tends to be about deeper issues that resulted in someone seeking an outlet on the internet (from depression, bad family situations, alcoholism, etc.). Focusing on the “internet” part tends to have people trying to treat a symptom, not the disease.”

Now that’s something we can all agree on. When it comes to porn addiction, that is why a successful recovery plan extends much further than clamping down on surfing porn. It’s a voyage of self-discovery and acceptance. It addresses issues of craving, withdrawal and compulsive behaviour; the common components of addiction.

A psychology professor at the Utah State University is currently exploring new approaches towards porn addiction therapy. “It is shocking how little research there is,” said Michael Twohig. “There are a lot of questions that need to be answered.”

News of this project particularly caught my attention because of similarities with my own approach to porn addiction therapy: aligning clients’ actions with their personal values.

“It teaches you to appropriately respond to the urge to look at pornography,” Twohig said. “Then the urges don’t push you around as much, and it’s easier to move in the directions that are meaningful to you.”

In Twohig’s view, pornography is a problem when it “interferes with the quality of your life or your values.” It is up to the individual to decide if he has reached that point.

Also, if you are in the Utah locality and would like help with a pornography addiction, you can contact Professor Twohig to participate in his research and receive free therapy. Sessions are 1.5 hours per week for eight weeks. Clients fill out assessments at the beginning and end of treatment. Clients see only him and their information is not shared with anyone. In data analysis, clients are referred to by a number.

To reach Twohig, call 797-1402 or e-mail michael.twohig@usu.edu.

I’ll be following the progress of Michael’s work with great interest.

Dr. Judith Reisman recently wrote a refreshingly frank article titled ‘The Impotence Pandemic’. She discusses the conditioning of men and boys by the porn industry, effectively numbing their normal sexual responses and rendering them incapable of enjoying loving relationships. You can read the whole article here.

One of the points that really caught my interest originates from a quote from neurobiologist Peter Milner:

Says Milner, “[m]ost stimuli become less attractive … as they become familiar and predictable. … Thus, novelty has an effect similar to that of reward.” (Emphasis added.) By definition, when the libido depends on novel pictures, such men are dependent,they are “without power,” emasculated, their libido, their masculine power and authority hijacked by a steady stream of new paper dolls.

As porn addicts become desensitized to visual imagery and stimulation, their craving for novelty intensifies. The online porn industry is increasingly adept at exploiting this process of addiction. One example that recovering addicts often quote to me is thumbnail or TGP (’thumbnail gallery post’) sites. These are the popular free sites which fill the screen with a variety of pornographic thumbnail images, usually updated on a daily basis so the visitor can never reach the end of their offerings. Literally thousands of thumbnail sites exist, generating commission revenue as each thumbnail image links to a commercial porn site.

For many compulsive porn users, clicking around these sites can make up a large part of their surfing activity - and we’re talking hours of invested time every day. Now that’s a problem in itself, but here’s a further rub. Addicts increasingly find that the tantalising thumbnail glimpse is vastly more appealing than the content that it links to. They follow the links to the commercial sites, but it’s the thumbnail page that they keep returning to for more, and more, and more.

The fact that thumbnail sites are free explains part of the attraction, but the main allure is novelty. That is how these pages thrive. The addict visitor is hooked on a novelty quest; thumbnail images draw them in, always offering the promise of something or someone new to get off on. Hundreds of images can flash through the addict’s consciousness in a single sitting, catering for an endless spectrum of fetish and delusion. The impact for reinforcing pornography addiction goes without saying, along with the frustration and depression that results.

So where can we go from here? How do you free yourself from this endless craving for erotic novelty? In answering, we can return to Dr. Reisman’s article, and the survey findings of public policy analyst Shaunti Feldhahn:

men she surveyed largely sought not “unlimited sex,” but “a feeling of wanting to be wanted.”

Part of an addiction recovery plan requires some emotional detective work; tracing back through your behaviours and urges to discover exactly what gratification you are seeking from porn, and especially why. This enables long-term release from the novelty quest, and eventually, you’ll feel kind of embarrassed that you spent so much time on it. That’s certainly ok with me though.

I’ve just returned from a few days holiday and this news item caught my attention:

In a world first, the Australian Centre for Addiction Research (ACAR) at the University of Sydney is developing an innovative approach to effectively assist people to manage their depression, anxiety and alcohol consumption by correspondence.

To summarise, participants fill out a questionnaire to assess their symptoms, concerns and level of addiction. They then receive personalised feedback based on their responses, and fortnightly mailings containing advice and tips to help them manage their moods and reduce alcohol consumption. It is generally accepted is that these people are often highly reluctant to seek help for their problems; a major reason for this is because of the stigma attached to the illness.
Professor Sitharthan Thiagarajan, director of the programme, explains:

“The advantage of delivering the treatment by correspondence is that people can be treated in the comfort of their own homes and with relative anonymity.”

Although this treatment programme is targeting alcohol addiction, I’m really looking forward to reading the results. The nature of porn addiction is quite distinct from alcoholism, but the issues of stigma and denial are just as applicable. The link between porn addiction and depression raises similar questions too: whether a compulsive porn habit causes depression and anxiety, or whether it is a soothing mechanism for an already depressed state.

As part of a porn addiction recovery plan, I have no doubts about the benefits of seeking personal treatment from a counsellor or therapist, or engaging in a face-to-face support group. However, I’m acutely aware that because of stigma and embarrassment, many people feel unable to take this step and their long-term recovery is less likely to succeed. This correspondence approach offers both anonymity and personally tailored advice, which could prove to be a highly effective combination.

Right now, I’m in the process of developing some online support programmes for porn addiction recovery. They will eventually be offered on this site, but I have to get the balance right to ensure that they are as beneficial as possible to a wide audience. I’ll certainly be taking the results of this Australian trial into account.