Imagine a piece of software that figures out just how many hours we have clocked up surfing internet porn. On second thoughts, we’re probably better off not knowing. But what about the hours we might be wasting today, or tomorrow..?

Web surfing devours our time. Whether we’re battling with constant porn urges, or successfully making progress in overcoming a habit, we all know how easily those ‘couple more minutes’ turn into hours. Even when we’ve overcome the compulsion to surf porn, we very often find outselves left with a twitching mouse hand. YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, news sites… the urge to surf remains overwhelming.

So this tip applies to everyone who wishes to use time on the internet more productively. MeeTimer is a free plugin for Firefox, which ingeniously measures just how much time you spend procrastinating online. And it can provide some scary numbers.

So how does MeeTimer work? It simply enables you to create categories for the websites that you regularly visit. Some categories are set up for you: work, communication, search and of course, procrastination. Porn sites would definitely fit in this last category.

As you surf, a click of the mouse enables you to place your favourite sites in the appropriate category. All other sites you visit are classed under miscellaneous. It’s as simple as that. And then the plugin just sits in your browser and keeps count, revealing the harsh truth whenever you wish to know!

There are options for warning you about procrastination sites, and even options for blocking them out. But this is not a filter. Running this plugin is a voluntary action that you can take to become more accountable for the time you spend online. As the author’s website says:

Understanding just how much time is disappearing is key to actually acting upon it. No deterrent-based system will work if you actually want to get round it; it has to be your choice.

So thanks to creator Andy Mitchell for this unique tool, and potentially providing us with one hell of a valuable shock.

An anonymous reader has this question:

If a guy looks at porn websites most days, usually for about half an hour, does he have a problem? He doesn’t have, or particularly want, a regular partner and he only looks at free websites. The concern is whether he’s going to develop problems in the future.

Well, some people would say that regularly looking at porn is a problem. I’m not one of those people.

Some people think that a preference for porn instead of a partner is a problem. I wouldn’t necessarily agree with that either. If there is an offended or hurt partner in the equation, then that certainly opens up some issues… but it doesn’t sound like that applies here.

But what do I know? The answer hangs on his own definition of ‘problem’. This daily routine might bring some benefits, or it could be holding him back - only he can say how he feels. Perhaps he feels a bit of both, so it becomes a question of balance. Has porn become a habit? How much does it impact his ambitions and self-respect?

What we cannot do is pass judgement on how he chooses to spend his time. Porn is not necessarily a slippery slope, of course.

I’m reminded of an excellent little article I read the other day. Highlighting the ongoing debate of whether sex addiction is real, The Frisky writer Susannah Breslin sums it up rather well:

Whether sex addiction is real or not, the bottom line is whether or not an individual’s sexual behavior is destructive to his/herself or to others. If you have a lot of sex, does that make you a “sex addict”? Not necessarily. If your sex life makes you happy, go for it. (Just don’t forget to be safe when you do it.) And if it doesn’t make you happy, the issues behind why that’s the case may be deeper than just sex.

It struck me recently that this website, and the issues that it covers, can sometimes make for grim reading. Loneliness, self-hatred, hopelessness… all common themes when we’re discussing the realities of porn addiction. By acknowledging these harsh realities, we can begin to find a way out of the despair and compulsive routines. It’s an unavoidable part of recovery.

With this in mind, I’m aware of the importance of keeping the whole issue in perspective. I wanted to post a reminder that not everyone who looks at porn has a problem - the vast majority of porn consumers are certainly not addicted. They are mainly regular guys, whether their partners approve of their porn activity or not.

Then I stumbled across an advice video that makes the point rather well. It’s just one of several articles on askdanandjennifer.com covering guys and porn. I’m not 100% behind every point they make, but they do seem to handle the issue in an open and positive manner.

So this isn’t a green light for porn addicts to deny that they have a problem. This is an attempt to clarify the difference between a regular porn watching guy, and an addict who relies on porn to avoid intimacy or escape some issue in his life. It is also an encouragement for anyone who is concerned about their porn habit, or their partner’s habit, to approach the problem with positivity.

It’s been over a year since I recommended this filtering service, and I’ve been continually impressed ever since. OpenDNS is completely free, a snap to set up, always fast and filters out a whole load of phishing sites and other internet nasties. Of course, the adult site blocking feature is of most interest to me, and it just works really well.

One recent addition to the service is a nifty little download for users with a dynamic IP address. The only complaint I ever heard was from clients using AOL or other ISPs who don’t provide a fixed address; the filter would work intermittently and couldn’t be relied on. The free IP update tool resolves this problem.

So OpenDNS is a very good idea for anyone working to overcome porn addiction. Yes we can all turn it off when the porn urges are biting, but that’s a little bit of inconvenience. As I’ve said before, that bit of inconvenience can make the difference between lapsing back into habit, or reminding yourself that you don’t really want to go there.

Porn addiction recovery is a lot more that installing internet filters, but they are a resource that no recovering addict should be without. OpenDNS rocks, and once again, no I don’t have any connection or affiliation with them!

I’m sure the issue of porn addiction is cropping up more in newspaper advice columns these days. On the whole, this can only be a very positive thing.

Last weekend, The Sunday Times featured this reply to a reader’s porn predicament. Advice columnist Sally Brampton’s words are frank and straight to the point:

Addictions may start slowly, but they are progressive disorders. That’s why you can’t look at porn casually, just as an alcoholic cannot have the occasional drink. Addiction is sometimes called a disease of “never enough” and is marked by escalating tolerance or a need for more and more of the substance or activity to get a high. An addict may be able to put down the habit for a month or even a year, but the minute they pick up again, they return to the same level of use. That’s why the condition needs active treatment and constant vigilance.

This is a single quote from a generally very good answer. We should always be careful with the word ‘disease’, but the concept of “never enough” is certainly accurate. In the case of recovering porn addicts, I would also dispute that a slip back into habit is necessarily a return to previous levels of addiction; adhering to an ongoing recovery plan can certainly prevent this. Again, Sally’s final comment in the quote supports the need for an active, long-term plan.

So I’m probably just picking figs - it’s a useful article, and it helps raise further awareness and understanding of the porn addiction problem.

Deception, secrecy, covering tracks, lies… all key factors in my second tip for making sure you remain utterly hooked on pornography.

Permanent Addiction Tip 2: Don’t stop keeping secrets

Here’s a question for you - ever developed the ‘alt+tab’ reflex? How about the ‘ctrl+F4′ finger movement?

Let’s say you’re catching a sneaky porn session whilst your family watch TV downstairs, or whilst your partner sleeps unknowingly in the bedroom. Suddenly, you hear a footstep outside and the door pushes open… PANIC! Get it off the screen!! This is no time for fiddling with the mouse and suddenly switching off the screen will give the game away, so the ‘alt+tab’ shuffle comes into it’s own. Flick - you deftly switch applications to another browser window, or that boring spreadsheet for work. Your partner, son, daughter or flatmate enters the room and doesn’t notice a thing. Saved by the reactions of two fingers.

Committed porn addicts master this reflex as part of a cunning variety of secrecy tricks: clean-up programs, hidden folders, secret hard drives, password protected logins and plain old locked drawers for ‘personal filing’. It’s their own special, private places for treasuring those images, movie files, website addresses and more.

If you’re serious about achieving long-lasting addiction to porn, you’ll continue to kid yourself that you’re winning some kind of game here. You’ll spend more and more time mastering the art of covering your internet tracks. You certainly don’t want to question why it’s so important to keep doing this thing that those close to you must never know about. Just keep telling yourself that it’s your special pleasure or relaxation, and they just wouldn’t understand.

Overcoming a porn habit means considering the long-term consequences of a secretive, online sex life that is at odds with your closest relationships, and evaluating which you value most. So to remain completely addicted, make sure this doesn’t even cross your mind…

Please bear with me as I blow my own trumpet for a second and say that I’ve helped and supported a fair few people to overcome their addictions. But what if you’re reading this blog with a determination to stay hooked on the stuff? What if the last thing you want to do is sabotage your precious relationship with pornography and solitary sexual fantasy? Well, this occasional series of tips is just for you. Don’t say this site doesn’t have something for everyone…

Permanent Addiction Tip 1: Don’t observe your own behaviour

A big part of quitting any habit is getting back in touch with yourself. For example, let’s say that you’re investing many hours into downloading porn from the internet. Perhaps you’ve been doing this so much that surfing porn has become an ingrained reflex that occurs almost automatically. You’re alone, the internet is in front of you, so it’s become completely natural to lookup porn for long periods of time. Some people call it the porn-zombie state.

It’s perfectly possible to interrupt this ‘automatic-pilot’ state. Getting back in touch with yourself means becoming aware of your behaviour as it happens, and being mindful of the thoughts and sensations that it produces. Look at your fingers as they tap porn site addresses or keywords, or click the mousebutton on those porn bookmarks. How much does your body really want to type them in, and what else is passing through your mind? How do your eyes feel as they scan the images on the screen? Examine your posture and body language. Look for your body’s inner signals; your heart, your breathing, your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself in your mind?

Taking this a step further, try placing a mirror next to your computer screen and watch your expressions as you surf. The reality of your behaviour is reflected that that mirror. Now that’s heavy.

Getting in touch and becoming more conscious of your porn behaviour can rapidly speed up the progress of breaking the habit. So if you genuinely want to spend many more hours surfing porn, make a special effort not to take any of these actions. Be sure to stay in the porn-zombie state, and certainly don’t think about the reality of how much time you are frittering away.

I’ll be posting more of these tips. Remember to completely ignore them, or you’ll be at risk of successfully improving your life.

I’ve been using OpenDNS for months - it seems to serve up sites faster than my own ISP and I liked the phishing site protection. I noticed today that they now provide an adult site blocking service - totally free and, from what I’ve seen so far, impressively accurate too.

When you’re working to distance yourself from porn, I’m a firm believer than installing a porn filter is a great help. Yes, there’s nothing to stop you deactivating or uninstalling it if you’re climbing the walls to indulge in porn, but it’s extra hassle. It’s that little bit of extra hassle that reminds you of your intention to break your porn habit. It’s that little bit of hassle that takes away the instant convenience of adult sites, which is one of the factors that makes porn so addictive. That little bit of hassle that can make the difference between wasting hours in another porn session, or a positive porn-free experience.

There’s no software to install, no complicated sign-up procedure and you get a faster internet experience too. I’d recommend giving this service a try, and I’d be interested to hear any feedback.

Learn more here… and before you ask, no I have no affiliation with OpenDNS - I just consider it very cool.