• experience problems forming intimate relationships
• indulge in casual sex
• believe that aggressive or violent sex is the norm
• harass girls into emulating porn actresses

Dr Michael Flood, a sociologist based at the Australian Research Centre for Sex Health and Society, makes this observation about the influence of porn:

We know it is shaping sexual knowledge. Some people may think that is good. But porn is a very poor sex educator because it shows sex in unrealistic ways and fails to address intimacy, love, connection or romance. Often it is quite callous and hostile in its depictions of women.

It doesn’t mean that every young person is going out to rape somebody but it does increase the likelihood that will happen.

A recent Leeds University study leaves this question open, but confirms the link between excessive internet use and increased likelihood of depression. To quote Dr Catriona Morrisson:

What is clear is that, for a small subset of people, excessive use of the internet could be a warning signal for depressive tendencies.

Commenting in the Guardian today, John Crace asks:

How long do you think a normal person could spend surfing the net before starting to feel really depressed? The Leeds researchers identified social networking, porn and gambling sites as the natural habitat of depressed addicts. No surprise there. Talking online to people you don’t really know, sweaty silicon faking orgasm, and losing money you can’t afford to lose. All in perpetuity. What’s not to get depressed about?

And he has an novel take on the motivation/depression balance:

More interesting research might have been to identify which sites make you depressed the quickest. Could 10 minutes of Facebook or porn make you feel quite happy? It’s minute 11 and thereafter you have to watch out for.

I’d say that high levels of anticipation and inner-wrangling contribute to porn addiction, in addition to the number of minutes spent absorbing it. Even people who spend 20 minutes a day surfing porn can feel hooked and emotionally drained.

Also, it is interesting to note that of the 1,319 people surveyed in the Leeds University research, only 18 – 1.4% – were classified as internet addicts.

The Guardian comment can be read here, and the Leeds University research abstract is available here.

I was unable to think of women except as potential pornography. I looked at them in a purely sexual way… I had no idea how to interact with women as people.

Jim explains how his obsession with porn fantasy has blighted his real relationships with women:

The power of pornography has continued throughout my adult life. Nothing has really measured up to the world of porn, for me. I’ve seen thousands of strangers having sex. So when I have sex, I am watching myself having sex.

You can read the whole article here.

According to Sun Agony Aunt Deidre Sanders, one in three men said they were addicted to sex and porn on the net (three times the rate for women) in her 2008 survey.

There’s also a comment from me about the challenge of breaking free from addiction and managing trigger situations.

When porn becomes a problem habit, real life intimacy with our partners dries up, and what we do in front of the computer comes to represent our entire ’sex life’. But how does this activity fit with our ‘real life’? After a solitary orgasm, we usually want to forget the experience and hope we can somehow break out of the habit.

A recent Times Online article reflects on what happens when we divorce our sex lives from the rest of our adult lives:

If we separate sex from the rest of our life and think that somehow bondage gear, lubricant and contraception are things that happen after dark, that are murky and not very acceptable, then we are saying, I think, that there is a part of ourselves that we find murky and unacceptable and we are only giving vent to it in our sex life.

This turns sex into a wholly negative thing, perhaps illicit and exciting sometimes, but generally categorised as bad. Splitting off a part of our personalities like that is dangerous because it means that everything associated with the less presentable part of ourselves gets tied up, automatically, with sex.  This can lead to violence against women, porn-addiction and problematic relationships in general.

In many ways, this refers to letting go of shame and awkwardness over the things that we find sexually appealing. It’s about learning to accept and enjoy our sexuality, and share this empowerment with our partners. And there’s no reason why erotic material can’t be a part of a healthy, pro-sex attitude.

Sex life isn’t some dark dirty other thing, it’s just life. If it’s open, intimate and part of communication it will make you feel wonderful. If it’s split off and shady, an effort to purge rather than communicate, it will make you feel rubbish.

A porn habit, on the other hand, certainly makes us feel rubbish. If we’ve cornered ourselves in the obsessive, solitary pursuit of porn, there’s no leeway for acceptance, communication and sharing. It’s a pretty clear indicator that something needs to change.

The reStart Internet Addiction Recovery Program provides a 45-day course of treatment, including individual and group counselling, life skills coaching and motivational activities and outings. Anyone troubled by a web surfing, gaming or texting habit can be eligible for the programme.

Dr. Hilarie Cash comments that many participants have “extensive exposure to porn, but not much to sex”.

“We are leading increasingly isolated lives. People go online to meet the need for human contact. But it is not as satisfying. We are animals that need to see, hear, touch each other. Without human contact, we become anxious and depressed.”

An innovative approach for sure, but I can’t help thinking that the message smacks of moralising and guilt-tripping. Maybe the US audience would be less likely to interpret it in this way.

Their interviewed representative raises some valid points, but I take issue with the rapist connotations of porn addiction. This really doesn’t help the cause.

The draft of the law was prepared by the Ukrainian government and was passed by the Ukrainian parliament, the Supreme Rada, on June 11.

Right now, I know little about the political and social motivations for such swift legislative action. Could a rise in porn addiction be a factor? It clearly smacks of nanny state prohibition, and I wonder just how it will be enforced and who might be targeted.

Intriguingly, the new law includes a caveat: pornography can be kept “for medicinal purposes”. I’m assuming were talking about ‘motivational material’ for sperm donors. Or perhaps the Ukrainian authorities have discovered some other medicinal benefit of porn.

If anyone knows more about this story, please do let me know!

And if you’ll excuse the pun, porn collectors become hardened to standard hardcore fare. To maintain the buzz of our habit, we might find ourselves seeking out more extreme and fetishistic material. I’ve spoken to guys who found themselves stimulated by bizarre and outlandish images that they would never have previously felt attracted to. For a small minority of guys, this appetite might lead them into illegal territories.

I’ve just been forwarded this article (thanks Alex!) which highlights the risks of being stumbled upon by computer repair technicians, work colleagues, employers and family members. It’s still early days for the the Dangerous Pictures section of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act, but there are indicators that successful prosecutions are on the increase.

To quote the article:

Whilst in theory this should only be of concern to individuals who habitually surf in areas where they ought not, readers should remember that many porn sites will download all manner of images, sometimes going well beyond the matter originally sought.

Porn obsessed guys lose count of websites visited and files downloaded over countless hours spent in the online trance. But in the face of police and judiciary, would porn addiction present any form of defence? I very much doubt it.

And it’s totally plausible too. Rocketing debt and redundancy brings on immense anxiety, wrecking our self-esteem and the daily structure of our lives. Internet porn provides an instant distraction; a source of brain-numbing escapism.

What may have been a daily porn fix after work or at weekends can easily become a full-time preoccupation. I’ve spoken to guys who struggle to search for jobs online or tap out their CVs. At any time of day or night, porn is a few clicks away and it seens so much more convenient.

To quote the article linked above: “That drink of alcohol, that taste of sugar, that sex or shopping or Internet porn brings a sense of calm.”

From reading these news stories, it also strikes me how porn is so frequently lumped together with the ‘traditional’ addictions of drink, drugs and smoking. This is a recent trend, and generally quite positive. I’m always keen to make the distinction between porn obsession and other addictions because there are some fundamental differences. We certainly want to steer clear of the old-school disease model of addiction, and in many ways the term ‘addiction’ itself doesn’t even apply.

But by including porn in these discussions and stories, we do build awareness that porn addiction is no more shameful or desperate than smoking or overeating. A porn habit has the same basis of escape and comfort seeking. And just as smokers are successfully quitting every day, even in these difficult days, people are also overcoming their problems with porn. As with all these things, it’s a matter of having motivation and a plan.