Book review: 'Turned On : Intimacy in a Pornized Society'

'Turned On - Intimacy in a Pornized Society' delivers a gripping insight into the extreme anxieties that some people suffer through compulsive porn use. It's a fictional account, yet grounded in the author's real-world professional therapy work.

Marc makes a counselling appointment because he is worried about an addiction, and the story unfolds from there. He's an educated professional man who is a heavy user of internet porn and telephone sex lines. We examine his interactions with Louise, the telephone sex worker who forms an obsessional bond with Marc, and the therapist who shares his own private reflections as he works to support Marc in recovery and healing.

Throughout the journey, author D.E. Stafford treats his characters with dignity and the reader with moral intelligence. His concerns about the modern porn industry are made clear, but we are invited to engage with our own experiences and draw our own conclusions. Ultimately the story conveys a message of hope and positive outcome, though the risks and casualties are certainly not glossed over.

Of particular interest to me is the therapist's approach to 'resensitization', or working out of the compulsive behaviour the way you can in. This is an approach that I often explore with my clients as a constructive and achievable alternative to futile 'cold turkey'.

As part of his wider therapy, Marc is advised to revert to an older habit when he needs some porn relief. For Marc and many other men, this means buying an adult DVD or magazine and staying away from the web. Marc confesses that he doesn't use his sexual imagination any more; his creative sexual fantasies have been replaced by zoning out to an endless supply of internet clips. "I'd love to get back to looking at a pretty woman in a magazine and that being the turn on ... not jerking to the degradation and objectification".

This can be a route to a healthier connection with our sexual drive. Sometimes, I've advised setting an internet filter to only allow access to one site; say 'Playboy babe of the day' rather than a video hub with copious hardcore thumbnails. Of course, this doesn't work out for everyone, as a glimpse of any erotica may produce an overwhelming trigger for some, but is effective for people who want to 'turn down' their porn levels and get on with other things. Resorting to top-shelf, softcore porn may not be our final goal or destination, but a helpful tactic in the process of breaking the reflex action of searching, scanning, Googling and downloading.

"What do I do if I can't get off without the internet?" asks Marc.

Give him hope but not lies, says the therapist to himself. "I think you can do it because I believe what you are telling me - that you want to stop; that you want to like, even love, yourself; that there is understanding and care for yourself available not only here but within you; and that perhaps you are even hungry to find that care and understanding in your marriage. I think you can do this now. Step by step, free yourself and get your life back."

'Turned On' is packed with insights and a highly recommended read.