Blocking & UnBlocking
Each time we move "Forward" we fall "Backward", each time we think it's the "Last Time" we end up doing it "One More Time", and so on and so forth. My situation is no different, with a lot of effort over the past year and a half I've brought it down but I continue to stumble once in a few weeks.
Yes I must admit, that the thought of watching porn is always playing in my mind sub-consciously and that eventually progresses to the consciousness and then leads me to actually unblocking the filters and then watching the same old women and models in the same old videos that I've watched time and again but can't seem to get enough of.
End Result, the same old feeling, sick, frustrated, guilty. All of this plays in my mind while I’m busy deliberating whether I should Unblock and watch porn or not, eventually, when the will power is weak and the temptation really strong, I’m over powered and then leads to the same old path.
On the bright side, It doesn’t happen as often now as it used to back then, courtesy better understanding of the habit, a better insight and some other social activities that keep me occupied, however when I get the urge, it’s strong, and as most of you would agree here, having been hooked on to this for long, a “10 min Only” Treat turns into a 2 hour guilt trip and that is really worrying.
I have written to local newspaper counselors, have tried Cold Turkey really hard, engaged myself in social activities, and the PGO has given me great insight as well, but I continue to find myself drawn to this from time to time.
This can’t be overcome overnight and needs a lot of effort, a lot of patience, and a lot of work with a lot of determination. It’s painful to see that a lot of others around us (peers, friends, colleagues etc) maybe don’t have this problem, or at least don’t exhibit the same from the looks of it.
There’s so much to do, so many other activities, more fruitful ones to indulge in and improve one’s skills & abilities, but we pro-crastinate, I certainly do a lot, and allow porn to take precedence over all else and end up feeling wasted.
Anyway, it’s time to move on now and make a better effort. I hope many of you can relate to this and share your thoughts.
Thanks.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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Too true
Hi ak,
You summed it all up really well there! All the mental energy and attention that we waste arguing with ourselves and trying the fight the temptation to look at porn "for 10 minutes". Blocking and unblocking - I've been there so often. Isn't is a strange feeling as we go to the filter settings, begin to enter the password or whatever, and a gut feeling is saying "man, do you really want to do that? remember the last time??". But another part of us says "I don't care, just 10 minutes" and goes for it anyway.
I hear quite a lot of talk about the impulsive 'reptile' brain ("I need it now") in conflict with the self-aware 'higher' brain ("there are better options than this..."). The reptile part is physically near the bottom of our brains and is the most ancient part, the higher brain is literally higher in our heads and evolved more recently. Anyway... in these moments, I really think we experience both parts in blatant conflict. The higher brain has the power to win, but that reptile part is so persuasive.
You've got such a clear handle on your own experience and I reckon you deserve a pat on the back from yourself. Sometimes is a hell of a lot better than all the time, as I once was. You've recognised the reasons and stay determined to see this battle through. Good on you.
question
I hear what you say AK and Duncans about using a blocker. Does a filter help at all or just add to the problems? Is there a blocker or filter you would recommend? I'm needing something to help me right now. Thank you.
Opendns
Hi ella
I'm using Opendns on Jason's recommendation and it works well without the need to install anything. I noticed myself trying to test the filter and see what sites I was allowed to see, and it doesn't block google image searches but it does stop you clicking to see more. So google image searching soon gets boring.
Early days for me but yes it is helping and takes away some of the temptation. I hope it helps you.
Blocking & UnBlocking
Yes it does help Martin, K9 is also a useful tool as well to install. The trouble is, at least , for me from experience, when the temptation is way too strong, ends up overpowering a filter as well and we end up unlocking the filter.
Hence the above Topic by me, I've faced it several times, you would know, when we're really tempted and into it, we just can't think of anything else and the mind is completely focused on watching porn.
So just be cautious and be committed towards keeping the filters on, there will be temptation to unblock especially when the urge is strong, nevertheless it's a good tool and if we work according to a plan and indulge in other fruitful activities and are committed towards kicking this habit, it's definitely a good tool.
All The Best.
AK.
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