Moving on from his porn addiction
Porn addiction issues have become a common staple of newspaper advice columns, and usually from anxious wives and partners. And it’s often the writers for smaller, local publications that offer the most straight-talking advice.
I often read stories from partners on the verge of breaking up, even though “he says he’ll stop this time”. They are caught up in the mindgames of his porn-obsessed lifestyle, and it’s a tough trip.
Rhonda Bennet from the South Mississippi Sun Herald (see what I mean…) gets straight to the point:
Addiction to online porn has become a real problem in the last few years. I’ve seen people lose their marriages, jobs and families to this addiction. As with any addiction, unless the person WANTS to change, then the addiction usually ends up taking over their lives.
You need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you. If it is, then it’s time to get out of this relationship. Take some time to figure out exactly what kind of man you need, want and deserve. If this man isn’t meeting your needs, and he doesn’t want to change his behavior, then it’s time to go.
The process of getting to know someone often leads us to the understanding that we simply aren’t compatible. Always trust your gut. I wish you the best!
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The first point I would make is that we should ALL be far far more aware that pornography on the internet or else where (such as magazines for example) is a MASSIVE global industry. This industry is constantly looking for more ways to seduce us (both men & women), to fall into the seductive trap that porn usage can become.
Secondly, the porn production companies are often the first early adopters of new cutting edge technology such as the internet. Speaking of the internet, the internet is just another sales & marketing channel (distribution pathway, distribution medium) for these companies. The porn production companies know full well just how powerful & seductive there offerings can be, they definitely seek to exploit our feelings & desires & fantasies in order to create a relationship of dependency. That way they can make breathtaking profits from the end users. Its like a license to print money quite literally.
Thirdly, YES! porn is, or has become more & more of a problem for more people (both men & women) but to me this is not in the slightest bit surprising. Given what I have just been talking about in regard to the porn production companies. We should not be so surprised that if someone sets out to seduce us that we fall for the siren call of porn. We “ARE” being exploited, or rather our vulnerabilities & our own weakness’s are being taken advantage of.
So in conclusion there really are two sides to the problem use of porn. The profit seeking porn production companies and us the vulnerable human beings that fall for this.
I chuckled a bit at the “you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker” bit of advice. In my experience, there’s no way for it to not be a dealbreaker. It’s not a matter of “he watches porn sometimes and I don’t like it, but maybe we can compromise” (though many of us partners try to take that approach for a while). It’s a matter of “this has pervaded every aspect of our relationship and lives and it’s slowly killing both of us.” Rhonda gives great advice, but it boils down to so much more than a compatibility issue and that’s what makes it so incredibly difficult. You’ve got this man who, at his core, is a wonderful person, but day by day that person just fades away–he’s being blotted out by the compulsion.
I don’t believe that there’s any way to work around the porn addiction. A spouse or partner can try to ignore it for a while, but it’s pretty much a guarantee that unless the porn addict gets help, the relationship will end.
Hello Marguax,
What your saying I cannot disagree with at all, your 100% correct. The point I was attempting to make is that pornography is a massive massive industry & its reach has now become global due to the use of technology i.e. the internet. YES! if a person has a porn obsession or porn compulsion (porn is not an addiction in my opinion but that’s another issue) that can & does have painful consequences.
**YES! if the person with the porn obsession (compulsion) cannot change themselves because they are still in a state of denial i.e. porn problem what porn problem? etc. Then yes! there comes a point were a partner does have to ask if he or she cannot change then is this relationship working for me any more?
**Actually using porn is a personal choice deep down, and just like watching too much TV say we do have the power to press the OFF button on the TV or PC. Viewing porn IS a choice even if the person has an obsessional relationship with porn, that persons obsession is actually a cover up for something else. That something else may well be a hidden issue from their past which they haven’t sorted out or solved or come fully to terms with. A porn obsession is just a way to numb out the pain of something else which may lie in that persons unconscious psyche.