I hate my husband's porn addiction - so why does it turn me on?
Hi
I've been dealing with my husband's problem for over a year. Him watching porn and neglecting me was killing me for months and months. He is doing much better lately.
But it's driving me crazy that thinking about my husband watching his teen porn turns me on. I can't stop thinking about it when masturbating or having sex. What's wrong with me?!?!
Hi F
It is possible that you have adapted your fantasies as a way of coping with your husband's porn issues. It's certainly not unheard of for a person to subconsciously adopt their partner's fetish or behaviour into their own sexual realm, even if they found it repellent at first.
I'm making an assumption here, of course. But if that's the case, you can be assured that your reaction is a coping mechanism; a way of dealing with the neglect and hurt that may otherwise be intolerable.
It's good to hear that your husband is doing better, and you are entitled to your own individual healing. If possible, I would recommend that you speak to a counsellor or therapist about your unhappiness over this. It could be considered a codependency issue.
Porn Game Over is Jason's self-help plan for quitting the habit. Click here for a fresh approach to internet pornography addiction...
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This isn't something I would
This isn't something I would ever have considered before. As I learn more, it staggers me that someone's porn addiction can have such impact.
F - What point did you start to get these feelings of being turned on by his addiction? Did you start off feeling angry and then the feelings converted?
I'm very curious.
Oh it still makes me angry,
Oh it still makes me angry, even though he has been doing good for the past few months and our sex life is going back to normal. I still feel betrayed and surprised how he can pick porn and masturbation before making love to his wife.
I'm not sure when exactly I start using that as my fantasy. I've always had weird fantasies, but almost all of them were linked to my partner at the time. The only thing I can think off is that since my sex life was very poor with my hubby I didn't have enough to work with so I started using his addiction?!?! I don't know, its weird and it makes me mad!!
Sometimes people are
Sometimes people are psychologically & emotionally & sexually wired in ways that seem odd to others, especially when looking in as an outside witness. When two people have a relationship that complicates the dynamics in very unexpected ways, in ways we hadn't imagined.
I maintain my belief that porn is always just a symptom of a deeper personal issue or issues which are yet to be sorted out, one persons personal issue can provoke a reaction in a partner (or wife or girlfriend) & as Jason has touched on our psyche's play the oddest tricks & games on us in ways that are hard to make sense at times. Ultimate I think you will always find that deep down at the core of the problem their is a rational answer to what appears irrational.
I think my husband has
I think my husband has intimacy issues. When I met him he was a 34 year old that never lived with a woman. He is successful, good looking and fun to be around. And he had relationships but never serious enough to move to the next step. I was the first woman that he proposed to and bought a house with. That tells me in a way that he had issues with getting too serious. Our problems started when we moved in together, that's when sex life went downhill, that's when he would wake up at 2am and have his fun, rather than having fun with me.
So yea I think he has intimacy and commitment issues in a way.
Hello F, YES! I would have
Hello F,
YES! I would have to agree with your analysis, it does sound strongly like your partner has serious intimacy difficulties, possibly also related to boundary issues which would also fit with difficulties with commitment. Counseling or therapy would be appropriate but it would have to come from him, he would need to want to sort these difficulties out. You cannot force him, he has to want to heal these things.
This has destroyed you
This has destroyed you mentally and now sexually. He is king of the castle.You have become masochistic and so coodependant. What sad and cruel behavior from your husband
quit porn addiction
Actually I'm going to offer a different perspective on this. There's nothing weird about what you're going through. It's what some might call a bit kinky, but aren't we all to some extent (if honest with ourselves?). I know exactly what you're going through because I've had the exact same experience, only in my case I don't know that my boyfriend has been watching teen porn. But I do know over the past year we've been rarely intimate and I've had reason to suspect that porn/online computer sex is part of the issue. I've never had a problem with porn (I know he used to occasionally buy mens' magazines, and even then I got turned on looking at them myself). But here's the thing: Even though I get angry and hurt (especially if I feel like he prefers this stuff to me) it still turns me on and I get very hot and masturbate thinking about him warching porn or even sex chatting with someone (as long as shes some anonymous woman and not someone he actually knows in real life). Now I'm obsessed with the thought of wanting him to do this openly in front of me, The fact that I get aroused by the thought of him being aroused by a hot girl feels kind of strange, considering I'm straight as an arrow. But it's something about the idea of seeing her through HIS eyes, and knowing what turns him on, that is the key. Kind of hard to explain and sounds weird when I try, but it is what it is. I want to try to get him to involve me in his "porn life" but I'm having trouble simply getting up the nerve. (He's a very private person in that regard, so I think it will feel a little strange and awkward at first). But yet that's what turns me on, and I think if he realized that about me, it would definitely spice things up for us. But where you have to be careful is this: yes, it might be a tremendous turn on while the hormones are raging, but afterwards, will you feel hurt, jealous and resentful? (This is my fear). And could it become SUCH an addiction that it becomes the only way the two of you can have a sex life at all? (Then you have a problem).
But to get back to your original point, I don't think it so very strange. You simply love your man and are turned on knowing he's turned on. The trick is to somehow get him to revert that attention to you. Porn can actually be intergrated into a very healthy sex life between two people, as long as it isn't the end all and be all of your relationship.
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